


Recovery

by SoulOfAFangirl684



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Arson, Bipolar Disorder, Birthdays, Bullying, Character Development, Child Abuse, Cloud and Leon as Adoptive Parents, Confrontations, Crying, Custody Battle, Dark Past(s), Depression, Developing Friendships, Divorce, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Family, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Gay Character(s), Gen, Group Therapy, Growing Up, Gun Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Insecurity, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Like literally just about every trigger you can think of, Loosely Based on True Stories, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Nightmares, Optimism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parental Kidnapping, Past Larxene/Terra, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy via Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Roxas and Sora (Kingdom Hearts) are Twins, Self-Harm, Slight Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Summer Vacation, Triggers, Trust Issues, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 77,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14991419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulOfAFangirl684/pseuds/SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: Slowly, Roxas let his eyes travel around the circle of teens who were all just as damaged as himself, wondering how they were supposed to somehow help each other heal when they were all so broken. Group Therapy AU





	1. The Buildup

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy... Where to start...? Well... This is the most personal and the most personally important story that I've ever written. Honestly, when it was first written (on a different fanfiction account than the one I primarily use now) it took me about 5 years to complete it, start to finish. There was a three-year hiatus in the middle, right before I started to really delve into my own story, when I took some time off to really come to terms with it.
> 
> I left in the Tags that it's loosely based on a bunch of true stories in my life-- both my own and my second-hand experience with some of the things my friends were struggling with. I'll clarify that a little more as the story progresses. I also noted that this story includes triggers for just about everything... Really, the only reason I couldn't also tick off the 'Major Character Death' and 'Graphic Depictions of Violence' warnings is because the deaths are all of minor characters and the violence isn't graphic. :P But more to come on that as well. I will leave more personalized notes at the start of each chapter. This first chapter really just sets things up.

_The hallway goes on for as long as his eyes can see and fades off into an impenetrable, blurry brightness where they cannot, the walls, ceiling, and floor all blending together into one sterile tunnel._

_He can feel the cold tile he's backed up against. Everything around him is so white as to be blinding, but the shadows rising up around him are of the deepest darkness imaginable._

_He covers his head with his pale, sticklike arms as their clawed hands reach for him. Through his screams, he is able to wonder vaguely where Sora is..._

**…**

Roxas shot up in bed, the panic from his nightmare carrying over to hold his conscious thoughts hostage. Almost immediately, he felt a pair of strong hands pushing him back. Reflexively, he resisted and a panic-induced scream bubbled up inside of him, but before this panic could make a sound, he was stopped by a soft voice.

"Roxas, you're okay. Calm down. Breathe."

The blond boy laid back against the pillows, and his father's grip on him relaxed. Cloud's voice was always quiet, but he reserved an especially gentle tone for moments like these. Roxas let his tightened muscles go slack. His breathing wasn't completely back to normal, but he was considerably calmer.

He stayed like that for a moment, letting Cloud stroke his hair back from his sweaty forehead. When he had relaxed enough to notice that his shirt was also damp with perspiration, he gave the man a weakly embarrassed smile.

"Morning." He could hear the weariness in his own voice and had to give Cloud credit for not looking even a little exasperated. This was a far-too-familiar occurrence.

"Are you all right?" he got in response. Roxas resisted the urge to roll his eyes. When _he_ was the one panicking, his father was always the first to assure him that everything was fine, but as soon as he was calm, Cloud would let that authority and self-assuredness drop. It was all too clear, in the aftermath, that these nightmares-and the boy's less than subtle reaction to them- frightened him just as much now as the first one had all those years ago.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He yawned and glanced at his clock, which quickly jolted his mind back into a state of alertness. It was already six-thirty! Cloud deftly moved out of his son's way as the boy jumped out of bed and began rushing around his room, tossing clothes for the day over his shoulder in the general direction of his pillows, and grabbing his towel off its hook.

"Don't forget, you two have your first group therapy session after school today," Cloud called after his son as the bathroom door shut behind him a little too forcefully in his hurry.

Stepping into his icy-cold shower, Roxas groaned. Today couldn't have started out any worse, and it didn't look like it was about to get any better.

**…**

Despite the many similarities in their appearances, Cloud was not actually his biological father. He and Leon had adopted Roxas and his twin brother Sora after 'The Incident' as Roxas had taken to calling it.

Leon and Cloud were more lenient than most parents when it came to their teenage sons, but there was one topic on which neither man was budging: Whether or not the boys got counseling was not up for discussion. And at fourteen, the two had a long path of failure and misery stretching out behind them.

Family counseling had ended when it had become clear that the two would spend the allotted time fidgeting and averting their eyes, accomplishing nothing. For quite a long time they'd been counseled together, but it had been brought to their parents' attentions that Roxas was content to let Sora ramble on about nothing in particular, avoiding the subject until their time was up. Most recently, they'd tried to have them counseled separately, but that idea had dried up quickly. Sora got continually quieter as his doctor pushed him towards the more difficult conversations, and Roxas had flat-out refused to speak from the moment he had set foot in the office. Finally, Roxas's therapist had suggested group therapy for the two, and by this point, Leon and Cloud were ready to try anything. If Roxas had hated Dr. Vexen before, he loathed him now. It was little consolation that he would no longer have to see the man, though a part of his brain did have to wonder if his (now-previous) therapist had grown just as tired of their time together.

He entered the kitchen, hair still damp and clothes thrown on somewhat haphazardly, to find his brother with his forehead resting on the polished wood of the table. Though their 'twinness' was often commented on, Roxas and Sora were not identical. There were certain physical similarities, particularly around the eyes, but in all other aspects, Roxas's coloring resembled their biological mother's, and Sora their father's. But it was not their appearances that defined their relationship, anyway. Their connection was clearest in the familiarity with which they moved around each other, even in the most banal of occasions. As dissimilar as they could be in personality, Roxas would be the first to admit that there was a part of him that was incomplete without his brother. They'd experienced too much together for things to be any other way. And though they rarely addressed it aloud, he knew Sora felt the same way. The boys' other father's childhood friend stood in the kitchen as well, attempting to have a conversation with Sora. She wasn't getting very far.

"Morning, Yuffie," he greeted.

She smiled at him. "Hey, Roxas. Jeez, have you grown _again_?" she asked cheerfully.

Roxas grinned back. Yuffie was particularly short, but it never seemed to bother her. "What's up?"

She gave a dramatic sigh that somehow didn't take away from her cheery demeanor. "I'm off to go see if I can drag your father's workaholic ass away from the firm for a while. See ya later, kid," she said, affectionately ruffling his brother's hair before nearly prancing out of the house. Sora, morning person that he was, merely grunted in response.

It was around this time that Cloud joined them, having claimed the shower shortly after Roxas got out. "Was that Yuffie I heard?"

"Yeah, she's going to go track down Dad at work."

Cloud sighed. "That girl wreaks destruction everywhere she goes… " But Roxas knew that his father was really quite fond of Yuffie. As Leon's best friend, she'd been their chief supporter back when they'd been in high school- a time when homosexuality had been even less accepted. "He's working on a really big case right now," he continued, mostly to himself. "I should probably go make sure she doesn't distract him too much… Do you two want a ride to school before I go?"

Leon was a fairly successful lawyer, so Cloud was able to have a more laid-back job and a much less rigorous schedule. Namely, he taught karate lessons during the day and wrote in his spare time. Cloud was an aspiring author, and though he'd gotten things published before in newspapers and magazines, he hadn't quite had the breakthrough he'd been hoping for. There was this huge project he'd been working on for as long as Roxas could remember, but Leon was the only one ever given the privilege of seeing it.

Roxas nodded and had to nearly shove his twin out the door and into the car.

**…**

It was a bright, sunny day in Hell, but it was Hell nonetheless. Roxas got out of the car, slammed the door, and scowled up at the gray brick building that was his wasn't that Roxas was without friends or any scholarly talent. He may not have been a straight-A, honors student, but he didn't have any major trouble keeping up with his schoolwork, either. No, the sad fact of the matter was that high school- even in a nice, relatively small town like this one- was still high school, and there would always be bigots and jerks. And, just like something out of a bad movie, being the adopted son of two gay men made him a prime target for Twilight Academy's most obnoxious bully.

In fact, no sooner had Cloud driven away than he heard Seifer's voice ring out across the schoolyard, "And how are the fags this morning?"

Internally, he sighed. Had he been asked before starting high school, Roxas would have expressed disbelief that such things really happened. The words Seifer accosted them with were almost comically villainous. Blatantly douche-y. There was no way to look back on his actions and misunderstand his intentions. Even Seifer had to have some semblance of a conscience. And Roxas had never gone out of his way to antagonize the older boy. How did he justify acting the way he did?

Roxas whipped around to glare at him, but Sora, now fully awake, had already placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Just ignore him, Rox." This was hard to do as Seifer's shout had already attracted a lot of attention, (no cartoon circles of thuggish lackeys pointing and laughing, but the curious stares were bad enough) but Roxas turned away from the other boy and headed into the school. It didn't help his case any that Seifer would be a senior soon and this was just the spring of his freshman year.

**…**

Considering how well they got along, there were still times that Roxas was struck by how different he and his twin were. Sora was popular almost by default. There was just something bright and magnetic about the brunet twin, likely the reason Seifer felt Roxas made an easier target. Sora made friends with just about everyone, and with his personality, even those friends a little higher up on the high school food chain couldn't fault him for befriending the lowly outcasts at the bottom. Namely, his brother's preferred group of friends.

They didn't look like much, from a glance. There was Olette, the bookworm. Pence, who got picked on for being slightly overweight and a little on the slow side academically. And then there was Hayner, the self-proclaimed leader of their little group of misfits. No one disputed or challenged this position. Hayner had a strong, stand-out personality that sort of kept him from fitting in anywhere. A fact he was aggressively, almost defensively proud of. Last but not least, there was Roxas himself. To be honest, Roxas wasn't really sure how the rest of the school viewed him. The only thing he was certain of was that he didn't really fit in anywhere but with the losers at the bottom.

The four of them fit together strangely well. If he was being honest, Roxas would have to admit that they weren't particularly close. He didn't know the first thing about the others' families and homes, aside from the few casual comments here and there, and the other three knew equally little about him. Which suited him just fine. Perhaps that sounded a little cold. He really _did_ consider them to be friends, not just random people to spend time with during the school hours. Like all groups of friends, they had their high moments... and their low ones. Their dynamic was not always as clearly defined as they (Hayner) would sometimes like it to be, but Roxas liked that as well. There were times he felt they should be taking steps to become closer... but he couldn't deny that their current distance felt... safe.

At lunch that day, Sora chose to sit with his brother instead of his other friends, no doubt remembering the tension with Seifer that morning. Olette and Pence had always been as distantly fond of Sora as they were of their closer friend, but Roxas was vaguely aware of Hayner eyeing his brother almost suspiciously. Sora's tendency to drift amongst social circles was something the other blond had never fully trusted. But, after the disastrous first time- their only true fight- Hayner had avoided addressing this mistrust directly. It was a good call on Sora's part, though. About halfway through the lunch period, an apple fell with a thunk onto Roxas's head. He turned to see Fujin- more commonly known as just Fuu- who had paused behind him. She was one of Seifer's gang, and though he rarely heard her say anything, she could be quite vicious when given the right motivation. She actually looked apologetic enough for Roxas to believe that it had been an accident, but the older girl quickly composed herself when she realized that Seifer and the rest of her group were laughing.

Nevertheless, Roxas picked up the apple from where it had rolled down his head and landed on the table with almost exaggerated patience. He tried to hand it back to her, but she backed away with her tray, sneer in place.

"I don't want it now. I'd probably be poisoned from all that hair gel." Those two sentences were probably the most she'd said all week, and it was just loud enough for Seifer to hear a few tables away. Roxas lost any and all traces of sympathy he'd felt for her immediately. So much for trying to be the better person.

The blond boy scowled as she walked back, knowing she'd just given Seifer a new topic of interest. While Sora's hair kind of just stuck up every which way, Roxas's definitely had a more styled look to it, but it dried that way without any assistance- not that Seifer would believe him. He longed to go over there and say something to the still-laughing group, but he didn't. And it was only about to get worse.

Had he not forgotten his science notebook in his locker later that day, Roxas never would have ended up in Principal Xigbar's office. But he had, and his teacher had been nice enough to let him go get it. Unfortunately, at that same time, Seifer had walked out of the bathroom down the hall… and saw the perfect opportunity.

Roxas didn't notice the older boy until he'd been shoved into his locker, his forehead connecting with the cold blue metal. Slowly, he took a deep breath. On top of everything else, he really didn't need this today. He whipped around and slammed his locker shut, glaring at Seifer, who didn't even have the decency to stop his increasingly hyena-like laughter.

"Careful, Roxy. You wouldn't want to have to add Anger Management to your schedule."

Oh, how he _despised_ that nickname. Most of all when it came out of Seifer's mouth.

"Then again," the bully continued, "it would probably fit in well with your therapy sessions." Just the way Seifer said 'therapy' made it clear he thought such things were only for the clinically insane.

"And what would I need therapy for?" Roxas replied in a tense yet measured voice. Silently, he dared the other boy to bring up The Incident. But Seifer had other plans. A wicked grin crossed his face.

"Oh, you know. I figured even your cocksucking parents wouldn't approve of you screwing your brother."

And there was the last straw. Roxas had plenty of experience by now in ignoring the older boy's taunts, but today he was wound just a little too tightly. "You motherfucker," he growled.

This time, there was no force in the world that could've stopped Roxas's fist from connecting with Seifer's face.

**…**

Roxas stared down at the old oak desk separating his chair from the one Principal Xigbar was sitting in. There was a long scar running down his principal's face from the man's days as a soldier. However, Roxas had never found him to be overly intimidating, and even now the strongest form of anger he saw on his principal's face was one of paternal disappointment.

"This isn't like you, Roxas," he said at last. "You've never been called to my office for fighting before."

No, he hadn't. He probably would've been expelled months ago if he'd let his anger take over _every_ time Seifer deserved it. Xigbar had paused long enough to give him time to explain, but Roxas didn't take the opportunity. Finally, the man sighed.

"How are you?" This was the question that made Roxas look up, as he had no injuries. Seifer's head had smacked sickeningly into the brick wall behind him, leaving him dazed, and the next second, a teacher had come running out of a nearby classroom, putting a stop to their little conflict. He wasn't sure if it even qualified as a real fight.

"Fine," he answered at last, clenching and unclenching his fists on his thighs, just out of sight under the table.

"I've talked to your father already." Yes, he was aware of that. Roxas had spent fifteen tense, nervous minutes waiting on the hard bench outside the office. "He informed me that you and your brother have been having a... tough time. And that some changes to your regular schedule are starting today."

This bout of silence was even more uncomfortable than the last. He almost wished the man would come right out and say it. Acknowledge their fucked up childhood that refused to release its hold on them. But really? Had Cloud _really_ pulled the 'having a tough time, resisting therapy' card? It felt oddly manipulative, and even though it was meant to get him out of trouble, he couldn't help the surge of irritation that welled up in his chest. He knew he was being the unreasonable one here. All the adults were doing their best to save him from punishment, but Roxas didn't offer up any further information and eventually, Principal Xigbar was forced to clear his throat gruffly, stepping back into his authoritative role.

"Considering the circumstances, and as this is your first offense, it's been decided that no disciplinary action will be taken at this time. You're free to go, Mr. Strife. And please refrain from fighting on school grounds again."

"Yes, sir," the blond boy mumbled, standing up. Principal Xigbar had always had a soft spot for him, but Roxas almost wished he'd been appropriately punished. He hated the pity and special allowances and pardons he and Sora were sometimes given because of The Incident. Sora had been known to boast to his friends after getting his way with something, but Roxas knew that deep down, his twin felt the same way, and he never purposely tried to push his luck.

A part of Roxas wanted to be treated equally, and another part was telling him to shut up and take the good luck where it came, because today was hard enough already.

**…**

Sora jumped up from where he'd been waiting when Roxas pushed open the door. He figured the final bell had rung five or ten minutes ago. The inner rooms off the main office had an almost soundproofed quality to them. Roxas suspected they were designed specifically to prevent the students inside from being able to focus on anything other than their reason for being there. Mentally, he groaned to himself when he spotted his brother. He recognized the look on Sora's face. He wasn't about to get out of here without handing over an explanation. And after six more minutes of being pestered relentlessly, Roxas finally gave in.

"I just wanna know what he said," Sora wheedled. His twin graciously left out even a hint of a reprimand, though Roxas could just imagine what he was thinking... _I leave you alone for five minutes..._ In his usual painfully cheerful tone, of course.

"Maybe I don't want to tell you what he said," Roxas replied. His brother gave him a look, fully prepared to stare him down and Roxas released a sigh. "Fine. He was suggesting that I… loved you."

"...You _don't_ love me?"

"You know what I mean," Roxas grumbled, similarly knowing that his twin was joking, and surprising himself by visibly having to work to suppress a smile.

They began walking and Sora threw an arm around his shoulders amiably, beaming in return. "Just try to ignore him; he's not worth the trouble. C'mon, Cloud and Leon are waiting for us."

Oh, yes… Distracted by his brother and the events of the day, Roxas had almost forgotten the _other_ horror awaiting him that afternoon.


	2. The Group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is still mostly just a lot of setting up, introducing the other members of the group and getting a sneak peak into what brought them here. (For some of them, at least.) 
> 
> I feel the need to add that I've never actually experienced group therapy myself. The idea was floated around at one point but ultimately fell through before I attended even a single session. Which is probably a good thing. I like the idea of this sort of dynamic this creates for story-telling, but I doubt I ever would have been able to seriously open up to a group of strangers myself. That much, at least, you'll see accurately portrayed in Roxas's reluctance with this whole thing.

They were met with utter silence when they entered the car. Silence that continued as Leon drove away, hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. Roxas watched the familiar scenery go by, until the car passed out of Twilight Town and into the woods beyond. The road they were traveling along was rarely used, and his limited knowledge of what was out this way piqued his curiosity, distracting him from the lecture he was expecting to face any minute now. Sure enough, as they rounded another corner, an old building came into view.

"No way!" Sora sat forward in his seat. "Our new counseling place is the old haunted mansion?"

Cloud turned around and gave them both a look even though Sora was the only one who had spoken. "It is not haunted." Wisely, the two stayed quiet. Both boys knew exactly how their parents felt about rumors. Even the ones that seemed harmless could have long-reaching consequences. And the gossip about this place hadn't exactly been kind. 

Leon glanced at them in the mirror. "About a year ago, the old man who lived here died. In his will, he stated that he wanted the place turned into a recreational center for the town. Your group will be the first thing it's been used for since construction started."

They pulled up to the entrance, where many of the columns had crumbled and were being slowly moved out of sight. However, aside from a few construction giveaways, the front of the building maintained its regal appearance. This mansion was the sole building for miles around in the forest that surrounded town. Until recently, it had been occupied by an old millionaire named Ansem. He'd been a scientist of sorts and had been known best for keeping to himself, stirring up countless rumors amongst the children in Twilight Town as they let their imaginations run wild and speculated about just what sort of experiments an old hermit scientist could be conducting out in the middle of the woods with no one to interrupt him. The boys got out and took a few hesitant steps forward, Cloud rolling down his window as they did so.

"This is scheduled to last for an hour. We'll be back at five. Behave." He gave them each a stern look then sat back.

"Roxas." Leon had leaned over to be closer to the window. "We'll talk about what happened at the school later, all right?"

There it was... The boy nodded grimly and the two watched the car drive out of sight, leaving them with only the wind in the trees and the creepy, decrepit old building behind them. Roxas turned to his brother, whose face had also fallen.

"Shall we get this over with, then?" he asked, putting on a bit of a dramatic air in an attempt to lessen the tension.

"Guess we'd better."

While the outside still looked like the home of someone old, rich, and possibly famous, the inside must have been completely remodeled and redecorated. It had a decidedly community center feel to it. Any personal furniture that had previously occupied the entrance hall had been moved out, the walls given fresh coats of paint in neutral colors. Still, no construction team's work could completely disguise that they had just walked into what had once been the foyer of a mansion.

Green paper arrows taped to the walls directed them up the left side of the impressive grand staircase. Down the hall they could see two doors- each with a sign overhead marking them as the restrooms. A vending machine had been installed outside the door right in front of them, though it had yet to be stocked with snacks. Inside, they could see a table pushed up against the wall closest to them and nine plastic chairs set up in a circle. The back wall of the room was completely made of glass- grand doors looking out onto a balcony. The openness of it gave the place a little light. It was still dim, but Roxas figured it was the best they were going to get. This room had probably been chosen specifically for this fixture. It didn't look like the construction crews had finished with all the electrical wiring yet.

Sora and Roxas looked at each other for a moment before crossing the threshold in one decisive movement. The room was empty save for themselves. With another few glances around and at each other, the two took seats on the left half of the circle, far enough around to see the door directly and the balcony just in the corner of their peripheral vision.

They continued their streak of silence as six other teens trickled in. Sora appeared curious and maybe a little nervous, but contained. It was only the last teen who momentarily broke through the forced apathy Roxas was putting on. Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas spotted a familiar sleeve brush by his seat. He loooked up to see an also-familiar shock of silver-blue hair. At his gasp, Fuu turned and her eyes widened. Roxas wasn't sure which of them looked more horrified. Fuu self-consciously tugged down the sleeve of the jacket she always wore before hurrying over to the closest of the two chairs left- coincidentally, one right across from him, and the two commenced to staring at the floor. If anyone noticed something strange, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Before he got the chance to work through his bewilderment and confusion, their group leader walked in. The eight of them snapped to attention almost comically.

The woman had long brown hair braided down her back. There was a certain air about her... A lightness. But perhaps that was to be expected of someone as versed as she was in the art of getting sullen, troubled teenagers to bare their souls. The woman took the only remaining seat without complaint- the one with its back to the door. She looked young, but Roxas figured she had to be around Cloud and Leon's age. She smiled around at them all invitingly.

"Good, it looks like everyone's here." She was the one to break the lengthy silence, further enforcing her position as leader. And, indeed, despite her welcoming air, there was something all business about her light tone. "I'm not sure how much you've all been told about this setup, but I'll go over the basics. As I'm sure you're all aware, this is an exclusively teenage group therapy. You're all here because it's been decided that you'll do better in a setting like this one than you have in your previous one-on-one sessions. It looks like we have a pretty diverse group. My name is Aerith, and I'm your group leader. There are only a few rules. No one _has_ to talk, but you're all expected to respect anything and everything you hear in this room, and it's expected that you will keep all the things you learn about each other during these sessions confidential."

Distantly, Roxas wondered how much she got paid to sit there and say cheery, bullshitty things and listen to a bunch of angsty teens whine about their childhoods. Aerith was still speaking.

"There's one last thing," she continued. "I know there are counselors and other group leaders out there who don't allow any… shall we say, harsh language. Some of you may have had some experience with people who abide by that philosophy. I don't agree with that. As a group, none of you ended up here because you've lived lives that have deluded you into thinking the world's all sunshine and butterflies. I want you all to feel free to say what you're thinking in this room. _Exactly_ what you're thinking."

This immediately raised some contradictions in Roxas's mind, but he didn't voice them. He didn't have to: Sora got there first.

"But, what if what we're thinking isn't respectful?" It wasn't in Sora's nature to be sassy or confrontational, and the question came out in his typical, almost jokey way, but a few smirks floated across the faces of some of the other group members.

He was the first of the group to speak, and it was almost like breaking a spell. They were no longer statues. The eight of them looked up and fidgeted and briefly glanced around at each other but, genuinely interested in the answer, no one else said a thing, waiting.

Aerith smiled contemplatively, but never lost her air of authority. It was clear to all that this wasn't an issue she'd never considered herself. "It will depend on what's been said," she answered at last. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

But then... sometimes an air of authority was not the only requirement to maintain order and respect. Roxas was beginning to question the competence of their group leader, and based on the looks he saw on some of the others, he clearly wasn't the only one. And her next words didn't exactly restore confidence.

She actually clapped her hands together. Like they were in some happy-go-lucky children's cartoon. "All right! Now that we've discussed the ground rules, why don't we go around the circle and introduce ourselves? If you're comfortable with it, feel free to also share what brought you here." She looked expectantly at the boy on her right.

Roxas felt a bit of a lifting flurry and then a sinking in the pit of his stomach. It had been fine just sitting there, listening to Aerith prattle on, (silently mocking most of the things she said in the safety of his own head) but now that it had come time for _him_ to talk, he was beginning to remember why he'd been dreading group therapy. He could see that almost everyone else had either leaned forward or sat back in nervous anticipation. With an almost guilty relief, Roxas realized that Sora would have to speak before he did. He tried to focus his attention back on the boy in the spotlight.

Even sitting down, it was clear that this boy was much taller than Roxas or Sora. He had long, spiked, blood-red hair and tiny tattoes under his emerald-colored eyes. If he felt any pressure at all from the eight pairs of eyes openly staring at him with morbid curiosity, it didn't show. He sent an easy smile around the room, amused at how this had gone so far.

"Hello, group." His dry voice was as friendly as could be. "My name's Axel, and I'm an alcoholic." He sat back and there was a moment of silence.

Grins flickered across multiple faces, because he was so blatantly mocking the system. Others, including the blonde girl on Aerith's left, looked somewhat confused in a sad, almost horrified kind of way. For it was obvious why Axel was here. He was wearing a sleek, sleeveless black shirt that revealed gruesome patterns trailing up and down his arms. The tip of one was also visible reaching up from under the collar of his shirt, so no doubt his chest was covered in them as well. At first, Roxas had thought they were razor marks, but upon closer inspection he could see that they had a slightly different quality to them. They were burns, he realized.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" The voice was practically a whisper, and it took Roxas a minute to place it. His brother's face wasn't horrified or disgusted, but terribly sad. And of all the possible reactions, it was this one that caused a small spark of anger to flash across Axel's eyes.

"Self-expression," he snapped in an almost sarcastic tone, his easy-going expression closing off immediately as he tried to glare the pained expression off of the younger boy's face. Finally, Sora's eyes sunk to the floor and Axel looked pointedly at the girl beside him who easily took her cue.

Her hair was equally red, but short and straight. Her violet-blue eyes and the shine on her beaming cheeks made her look much too cheerful to belong in their company. The only visible blemish on her was a long stitched-up scar running from her shoulder to her collarbone.

"Hi!" she greeted brightly. "My name's Kairi! I'll be fifteen in December, I collect seashells, I live with my grandparents in Twilight Town where my grandfather's the mayor and my grandmother does most of their banking-"

She probably would've continued on, endlessly listing every little fact about herself, had the silver-haired boy sitting on Sora's other side not cut her off, a little annoyed by all her cheer. "All right, we get it. We asked for an introduction, not your life story."

Kairi didn't seem bothered in the least by his unkind words. She shrugged and directed her blinding smile at the boy. "I just wanted to make sure I could remember it all. A couple weeks ago, I was in a car accident that killed my parents. The doctors were all amazed because this was the only injury I got," she continued, tracing a finger down the long scar. "Except I couldn't remember anything. Not even my name."

The breath of fresh air brought on by Kairi's ramblings was considerably dampened by this news. Not that Kairi seemed to notice or care. She turned to the girl beside her almost eagerly. Roxas felt his stomach turn over as he realized who it was. But Fuu only looked up long enough to inform them of her name.

 _You shouldn't have expected to find out why she's here,_ he reminded himself. _She barely ever speaks as it is, and she's definitely not going to reveal any secrets with_ you _sitting here._ Well, whatever was going on in her life, she had certainly found an effective way to hide it. Of all of Seifer's lackeys, Fuu was the least noticeable, swallowed up by three much louder personalities. Once, near the beginning of the year, he and Hayner had tried to make peace with Seifer's gang. They'd been quickly informed that, "Seifer didn't make friends with losers and head-cases, y'know."

Roxas's stomach flipped back over the other way as he realized how quickly they were moving around the circle. The boy sitting beside Sora with the long silver hair falling into his turquoise eyes was Riku.

"And why are you here, Riku?" This came not from Aerith, but from Kairi who seemed to have gotten the impression that their brief interaction earlier had broken down some sort of wall between them.

Riku watched her a moment to gauge whether she was mocking or challenging him and, deciding she wasn't, responded tonelessly, "I was beaten and raped by my father. Repeatedly."

This was said with as little emotion as possible, and if he'd been going for a reaction, he didn't get one. Riku's arms had remained firmly crossed over his chest, and now he broke his gaze away from Kairi, turning his head to focus on nothing in particular. Even those who felt this was upsetting managed to clear their expressions and contain their emotions, most likely remembering the exchange between Sora and Axel. But Roxas figured that many, like himself, had been expecting at least one person with this particular backstory.

"My name's Sora!" His brother's voice was cheery enough, resembling Kairi's to some extent, but he glanced over at his twin almost immediately, unsure of how much to say.

"And I'm Roxas," the blond added, but that was it for him. If Sora wanted to talk, that was just fine, but he would not.

"We're going to be fifteen in July," Sora offered up at last. There was a three seconds' awkward silence, disrupted by Axel's snort which drew all eyes back to the red-haired boy. He just shrugged in his defense.

"What? I just don't see the point in them not coming right out and saying it. It's not like there's anyone in this room who doesn't know about the kidnapping."

No, but Roxas suspected that perhaps Axel had been the only one to recognize them, because almost everyone else had turned to stare, trying to get a second look at them. All except for Fuu. Their awkward school connection had begun to feel like a literal weight on his chest. Roxas didn't want to be here in this room with her, where they were both expected to reveal their deepest secrets. Frankly, he didn't _want_ to know what she was hiding. And it seemed pretty clear that she didn't want any deeper insight into his life either. He guessed that if she could get away with banging her head on the floor to tune them and the ever-growing humiliation out, she would. He didn't blame her; he felt the exact same way.

"Axel," Aerith berated, but far too late, the damage was done. So much for crossing that bridge. And what good would a reprimand from Aerith do, really, once the words were already out there? Sure enough, the other members of their group didn't seem to be paying her any attention.

"That was _you_?" The outburst came from Kairi, who was watching them with wide eyes.

"Y-Yeah…" Sora mumbled, not enjoying the attention any more than Roxas was.

"Huh… I was going through some of my grandmother's old newspapers recently and I found the article they did on the five-year anniversary, but there weren't any recent photos…"

Roxas would have liked to point out that the five-year anniversary had been another five years ago now so the pictures wouldn't have been recent anyway, but he'd resolved to keeping his mouth shut.

"Would you like to move on?" Roxas quickly nodded, suddenly considering that perhaps their group leader wasn't so bad after all.

He turned to the girl beside him. She had short black hair and baggy black clothing. The girl hadn't looked up in recognition that it was her turn. In fact, Roxas hadn't heard a word from her this whole time.

"Xion?" Aerith prompted gently. "Is there anything you'd like to say to the group?"

She shook her head slowly, making it look like it took a tremendous amount of effort. Her eyes never left the ground. She was silent for long enough that, slowly, the other teens all turned their eyes away. 

They'd arrived at the last member of the group. The girl on Aerith's left had long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. Her white outfit was a sharp contrast to Xion's full-black attire.

"My name is Naminé," she introduced herself. "I just turned sixteen, and I was raped by my boyfriend. Once."

This was most certainly directed at Riku and held a touch of defiance, which was about the last thing Roxas had expected from this near-angelic-looking girl. Indeed, Riku raised his head ever so slightly to meet her eyes for a moment, but his expression was unreadable, and the moment was over just as quickly. But, upon a second look, Roxas did notice an odd expression in her features. Frustration, he wondered? Perhaps this first meeting had not gone quite the way she'd wanted it to. 

Now that they had come full circle, Aerith smiled around at them all again. "Now, usually, there'll be a ten-minute break halfway through for you all to stretch and converse and whatnot, but as it was our first meeting and I was running late, you can have the last ten minutes free."

It came as a bit of a surprise that it was already 4:50. In the same way that it felt like they'd been sitting there for more than just a little under an hour, Roxas also felt like it had only taken twenty minutes or so to go around the entire circle.

Aerith rose to rifle through the contents of a folder that none of them had noticed on the back table. It felt all too clear that their group leader was trying to force them to interact freely, without the structured setting of their first setting. But when they did, it was probably not quite what she'd been hoping for. At first, no one said a thing. Roxas had just begun to tug on the string hanging from his pants when Axel took a lighter out of his pocket.

Naminé gasped, the sound almost aggressively audible in the awkward silence, and Axel chuckled. "Relax, all my lighter fluid's been confiscated. I just like to see the sparks. What we're doing here is supposed to be _therapeutic_ , right?" He flicked it for good measure and it did produce nothing but sparks. Across the room, Aerith frowned but made no move to stop him. Axel may not have lost his flippant, sarcastic tone, but his clicking of the lighter did have the feel of a nervous tic. No one was fooled. This meeting had been just as stressful for him as it had for the rest of them. This was hardly an encouraging realization. 

They sat like that for a few minutes more, accompanied by no sound other than that of Axel and the periodic click of his lighter. Slowly, Roxas let his eyes travel around the circle of teens who were all just as damaged as himself, wondering how they were supposed to somehow help each other heal when they were all so broken.


	3. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I mentioned in the first chapter that this story is actually already complete. I swear I'm not waiting a few days between updates as a power trip or something. At this point, even the last few chapters were written more than a year ago. I'm one of those neurotic revisers... I've lost count of how many times the first few chapters have been rewritten at this point. I figure, as long as I'm cross-posting the story here, I might as well take the time to touch it up again.

Roxas wasn't sure how long they sat there, maintaining their silence, before Aerith looked up from her papers and told them they were free to go. Though he did think he could detect the hint of a sigh behind her words.

"And don't forget," she added. "We're meeting again on Monday."

Oh, yes... So keen was he to be done with this meeting, Roxas had indeed forgotten that they would be meeting Monday afternoons as well. Suddenly, the weekend wasn't looking quite so bright. He was pretty sure the others felt the same way, but no one reacted to her words outwardly.

Axel dropped the lighter lazily back into his pocket as Fuu hurried out the door ahead of him. Xion shuffled past next with her head down, and Naminé looked surprised but pleased when Kairi linked arms with her and started up a conversation. Beside Sora, Riku rose, headphones already in his ears. Roxas recognized the opening to _Blow_ by Atreyu and smirked to himself. How suitably... angry, given the impression he'd gotten of the boy from this first meeting.

"One down," Roxas muttered as he and his twin walked out the door, the last to leave. But he soon found that standing outside with this assorted group of 'troubled teens', waiting for their parents to arrive, was even more awkward than sitting in a silent circle with them. Luckily, Cloud pulled up soon after a very fancy car took Axel away.

"Shotgun!" Sora called immediately. Roxas rolled his eyes and let his brother take the front passenger seat, choosing to slide into the one behind it himself.

"Where's Dad?" the blonde twin asked Cloud as casually as he could once they were moving.

Cloud glanced at him in the rearview mirror. In a measured voice, he answered, "Leon got called back to the office for something. And Roxas? Just because you won't be hearing the lecture doesn't mean what you did was okay."

"…You're not going to lecture me?" he asked a bit sheepishly. Their eyes met briefly in the mirror again before Roxas looked away. Sora was watching the whole encounter quietly, glancing back and forth between the two. Roxas wondered how much Principal Xigbar had told him, particularly about the cause of the fight. He also wondered how much Cloud had been able to guess without any prompting.

Cloud took a deep breath. "Well, considering all that's happened lately, Leon and I figured you two would be a little on edge. So no, no lecture. Just don't expect to be going anywhere this weekend."

"I wasn't."

**………...**

Both boys went to bed shortly after dinner that night. It was rare for Sora to be so pensive, and his brother decided it was best to leave him with his thoughts for now. He certainly had enough to think about. In Roxas's mind at least, it was bad enough to have to go to forced therapy, but forced therapy amongst your peers was just plain cruel. There was enough pressure with just adults. At least they had to go through some sort of training to be professional. But, he supposed this was the penalty for refusing to open up to those adults. He had to wonder how much thought had actually gone into this set-up, however. Based on their first meeting, the chances of _anyone_ really opening up looked bleak. 

He woke up around eight the next morning but didn't move a muscle. He didn't hear any other movement in the house. It was nice to spend a moment basking in the early morning quiet. And he just couldn't bring himself to get up. The previous afternoon had left him with an exhaustion that couldn't be cured by sleep. He watched the clock for more than two hours, but neither of his fathers came to rouse him, and if _he_ was still in bed, it was nearly a given that Sora wasn't up yet either.

His clock had just turned to 10:30, and he'd just closed his eyes, ready to doze back off… when Yuffie burst into the room. He groaned as she nearly bounced him off his own bed, suddenly feeling a lot more sympathy for his brother.

"Get up, Roxas," she prodded cheerfully. "We've got things to do, places to go!"

"I'm pretty sure _I'm_ not going anywhere," he grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as Yuffie yanked his shades open wider.

"Yes, Yuffie, must you always undermine our parenting?" Cloud had come to stand in the doorway.

Roxas opened one eye to see Yuffie standing in the middle of his room with her hands on her hips. "Cloud! I can't believe you actually grounded him. We've had this outing set for weeks!" She sounded deeply indignant, and Roxas suspected she was guilt-tripping him for more than just breaking a promise.

There was silence for a while until, finally, his father sighed. Roxas had to turn his face into his pillow to hide his smile. Cloud was visibly caving by degrees. "Fine. Roxas, get dressed, and no more exceptions after this."

Yuffie winked at him then followed Cloud out, shutting the door behind her.

**………..**

It was a strange day, he could see the feeling mirrored on his twin's face, but one they were both enjoying. They were all sitting on the grass outside the ice cream stand, recently reopened for the season, enjoying what Yuffie declared to be a much-needed break. Leon had even taken off from work. Clearly the adults had all been anticipating the twins' reactions to entering group therapy. And Roxas had to admit, it was a nice reprieve from all the tension in their house lately. Even if it did sharpen his focus on the fact that they'd only been through one meeting.

"I don't see how you can eat that," Sora commented, wrinkling his nose. "Sea-salt ice cream is disgusting."

Roxas just shrugged. "You're one to talk." He looked pointedly at the cup in which Sora was mixing Pineapple and Peppermint.

"Isn't this nice, Squall?" said Yuffie, stretching up towards the sky with a grin. "You should take a day off more often."

"That's Leon," he corrected, but didn't disagree.

"Yeah, sure."

Leon had been born Squall Leonhart but had changed his name to Leon Strife when he married Cloud. Convinced his high school days had just been a phase, his parents weren't pleased with the marriage, and he'd wanted to leave all that behind. To this day, Sora and Roxas had only met their Leonhart grandparents a handful of times. Yuffie was the only one who continued to call him by his birth name, and though he always corrected her, he didn't seem to mind.

"I need one lately," he muttered.

"Is that reporter still pestering you?" Cloud asked.

"What reporter?" inquired Yuffie.

Leon sighed and glanced at the boys who were, of course, listening intently. "A reporter from the _Twilight Days_ has been asking about doing a piece on the ten-year anniversary."

"A little late, don't you think?" said Sora after an awkward silence, trying to lighten the mood as this tended to be a touchy subject. "It's March, the anniversary was in December."

"And we turned her down in December. She's been tailing me ever since." Leon's voice was weary and just a little bit guarded. After the original spectacle, he and Cloud had done their best to keep the boys out of the public eye. And the media interest had died down fairly quickly once it became clear that no one would be giving any interviews or comments. There were other stories to sell, after all. Even so, there always seemed to be someone, popping up now and then, wanting to drag The Incident back into the spotlight for the sake of their journalism career. Nothing like a local personal tragedy to capitalize on.

"Speaking of," said Yuffie, cheerfully and skillfully redirecting the subject, "I heard you guys had your first group therapy session yesterday. How did that go?"

There was a lot of shuffling and mumbling and generally not looking her in the eye. Roxas hardly thought this counted as a change in topic. At least now they had a legitimate excuse not to discuss it: anything said in that room was supposed to be confidential.

But Yuffie didn't seem to mind that they were avoiding a real answer; she was probably expecting as much. Her bright expression reminded Roxas a little of Kairi. "My niece Xion is in that group." Now she had everyone's attention.

"Tifa's daughter?" said Leon. There was something unreadable in his tone. Unreadable to his sons anyway. His best friend made a face.

"Well, gee, don't sound so surprised," said Yuffie dryly. To the boys, she explained, "Your dad never liked my sister much."

"Unlike me, _you_ had no reason not to like her," Leon defended a little bitterly. "She wasn't running around trying to get _your_ boyfriend's attention."

Just moments before, Roxas had been uncomfortable at the prospect of sitting there while the silent girl's secrets were shared with the world, but now it looked like no one wanted to be there less than Cloud.

"You never had anything to worry about," the blond man reminded his husband.

"Yeah, but _she_ didn't know that."

As their banter continued, Roxas got the feeling that his day was going to be longer than he'd expected. And yet... It wasn't all angst and weariness. As his parents shot stories of their teenage days back and forth at each other, their energy level continuing to rise, neither twin could resist smiling.

**………...**

Roxas woke up Monday morning feeling very much like he had on Saturday- with no desire to get out of bed. It seemed much too soon to have to return to the group of his fellow troubled teens. Not to mention all the things he was facing upon his return to school. All morning, his mind raced with possible ways Seifer could get back at him for their little altercation just a few days ago. But ultimately, the only thing that did happen was one of the few he was not expecting.

Roxas didn't see Seifer once that morning, which would have been odd even if he hadn't escaped a fight unscathed, as the older boy generally went out of his way to mess with him. He did, however, see Fuu on multiple occasions. The two made eye contact just long enough to make them both uncomfortable before quickly going their separate ways. It wasn't like he knew Fuu's schedule, but he couldn't remember ever running into her this often before. Was it perhaps that he was just hyperaware of her now? School had suddenly become a lot more complicated... And the fun wasn't over yet.

As he had on the first day of their new counseling sessions, Sora stuck close to his brother. Roxas wasn't sure for whose sake that was, but he didn't question it. Hayner (as well as some of Sora's more popular friends) eyed the other twin oddly for a while, but Pence and Olette held back any questions. Likewise, Sora went through the day like everything was normal. And for the most part, the day did go on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It wasn't until lunch that their peace and banality suddenly derailed.

Olette leaned across the table and whispered to the twins, "Hey, the new girl's been trying to get your attention for a while now."

They both just stared at her, confused. "What new girl?" Roxas asked. Sora turned in his seat, and Roxas followed his gaze to see none other than Kairi walking towards them, a distinctive spring in her step that Roxas had already come to associate with the girl.

It didn't really sink in as she smiled at them. It didn't sink in as she set her tray down at their table and seated herself on the other side of Sora. It didn't even sink in when Hayner narrowed his eyes at her and asked, none too kindly, "Who're you?"

"Hayner!" Olette chided, but the red-haired girl wasn't fazed in the least.

"My name's Kairi," she introduced herself cheerfully, looking every bit like she belonged there and it wasn't the least bit strange that she'd seated herself at their lunch table. "I just started here today." It was hearing her voice that broke through his haze of confusion, that convinced him that she really was sitting there, in _his school_.

"And why are you sitting _here_?" Hayner did not seem to have recovered from the experience that was meeting Kairi for the first time. In hindsight, Roxas couldn't really blame him. His eyebrows were still raised incredulously, but he seemed surprised enough for his voice to have lost a little of its edge.

"She's our friend," Sora jumped to her defense. "Right, Roxas?"

"Yeah…" Maybe he'd been a little slow on the uptake, but Hayner was temporarily quieted.

"Where did you go to school before?" Olette asked conversationally.

"I was homeschooled," she answered matter-of-factly.

"Really?" said Pence, adapting to the change in routine a little more quickly than his friends. People may have liked to make fun of him for being a bit slow, but he was smart where it mattered. "What was that like?"

"I don't know." The two blinked in confusion, and Kairi launched into the tale of her car crash and amnesia. At the end of which, Pence looked down awkwardly and Olette looked stricken. Hayner was trying to hold on to his suspicion, but even he appeared disquieted by this story. Though Kairi didn't seem to mind, Roxas cringed for her. There was a reason he and Sora didn't talk about their past.

"It's not so bad," Kairi insisted, and Roxas could only stare at her, wondering if it took severe memory loss to be so happy all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was definitely what I consider an 'in-between' chapter. Needed to set up some character and plot points, but not super important on its own.
> 
>  
> 
> (I'm not sure why there's a second 'notes' section at the end of this repeating the end notes from my first chapter... This is only the second multi-chapter story I've posted here, so maybe it's something on the site I'm unfamiliar with... It's not there when I try to edit the chapter, so I can't figure out how to get rid of it... Anyone have any ideas?)


	4. The Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fairly in-between chapter... Leading up to something big this time, though.  
> I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but in case anyone misunderstood in the first chapter, Roxas's memories/nightmares are italicized.

"What are you so happy about?" Sora asked, falling into step beside his brother. Even the end of a school day was not usually cause for a smile this bright to appear on Roxas's face.

"Can't you hear it, Sora?" The blond's voice had a blissful sound to it, something else that was uncharacteristically chipper.

"Hear what?" Sora asked, starting to get into the mood.

"The angels singing?"

"Um… no?" he replied, laughing. "Why are the angels singing?"

"I have it on good authority that Seifer won't be back until next week."

Sora laughed again. "That's awesome. Is it enough to keep you smiling all through our therapy session?"

Roxas sighed. "Not quite."

**………...**

It was strange how many of his groupmates were now also his classmates. With the exception of Sora, Roxas had originally expected therapy and school to be two completely separate spheres. He wasn't sure how he felt about the recent merging of these social circles. But oddly enough... he didn't find himself missing his old sessions with Dr. Vexen. Not even a little. He may not have been optimistic about this group setting, but at least all the new faces kept things interesting and dispersed the pressure a bit.

Amidst all the blurry details of his life, one thing had become clear: even if no one else spoke, Aerith would always be able to count on Kairi to relieve the silence. But, of course, the first thing she chose to share when their group leader asked for volunteers during their next session was that she'd started school… at the same school as Sora and Roxas. They both cringed a little reflexively, but she didn't leave it at that, and everyone's attention was soon directed back at her.

"I feel like I was probably a spoiled brat," she continued, laughing a little.

Aerith smiled at her positive energy- the only source of it in the room. After the second session had started out much the same way the first one had, perhaps she was just happy to see _someone_ opening up. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, my dad worked some really fancy job, and my mom stayed home all day to homeschool me. I was an only child, and one look around my old room tells me that I pretty much got whatever I wanted…" She shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe this memory loss thing was my own personal wake-up call. I get a chance to start over and be a better person."

Those in the circle who were paying attention either nodded slightly or looked somewhat impressed by her depth and level of acceptance. All except the girl to Aerith's left. Naminé looked a tad bit scandalized.

"How can you say something so awful? Don't you miss your parents at all?" If Aerith thought her tone was a little on the judgmental side, she didn't say anything, instead choosing to let the exchange play out. And it soon became clear why the girls had struck up such an easy, immediate friendship. Naminé obviously had no trouble speaking her mind, and Kairi apparently wasn't the type to be easily offended.

"Well, you're right in _theory_ ," she pointed out, unperturbed. "I guess I miss the _idea_ of having a mom and dad, but the people with me in all my old photographs? I don't know them. Their funeral was the weirdest thing. All these people kept coming up to me to offer their condolences... Accepting them felt like a lie. I think I was the only one who _wasn't_ crying. So yeah, it sounds sad and awful, but it's kind of hard to miss what you don't remember."

Roxas almost wanted to point out that, even without her parents, she didn't seem to be lacking much. From what Kairi had described to them, her grandparents were healthy and loving, and she was _still_ spoiled… but he stuck to his resolution and kept his mouth shut, twining his fingers together in his lap.

"That is an interesting way to look at it," Aerith commented. She seemed to be giving more background noise than guidance. But, he supposed that was meant to be one of the major points of group therapy- working it out as a group. It was Aerith's job to be almost painfully neutral, accepting of everything. She would always be there, as some sort of pillar of support, but the real insights and self-discovery had to come from each other. It wasn't a perfect situation... but Roxas supposed he preferred it to all the therapists who'd thought they could decide for themselves what was going on in his head and force him to recover.

"No one else has anything to say?" she prompted when the circle grew quiet. "What about you, Axel? You didn't seem to mind sharing last time."

Roxas, feeling a familiar prickle of dread rise up in his gut, sorely hoped she wasn't about to start picking out people to _share_ at random, and he saw many of the others stiffen as well. Axel, however, was as undeterred as he'd been the last time she'd singled him out. The redhead didn't so much as shrug, and his eyes held a dull, bored look to them. It would have surprised no one to hear that he hadn't been listening.

"I don't see what there is to say."

"Really?" she watched him carefully, sounding unconvinced. "You didn't have any reaction at all?"

"I don't see that it matters if I did," he replied, starting to sound impatient. "It's not my problem, and I'll be out of here soon anyway."

"Why's that?" asked Kairi, sounding genuinely concerned despite the lack of interest he'd shown her.

"As soon as I turn eighteen in August, I'm out of here." His near-triumph was met with silence. If there were crickets in the room, they would be chirping.

 _Lucky bastard…_ Roxas thought petulantly. He couldn't look at the older boy's cold green eyes. He chose to mentally trace the scars covering his skin instead. He couldn't be sure whether it was coincidental or whether Axel was aware of his gaze, but the redhead crossed his arms over his chest, and Roxas looked away.

"I suppose we have a lot to do before August then," Aerith responded simply. Axel frowned. He seemed annoyed by her optimism.

Optimistic or not, they weren't off to a very promising start. As their group leader attempted to switch topics once more, they settled back into their dreary silence.

**………...**

Roxas was finding that a lot of things in his life were happening lately due to circumstance. For example, he would not have ended up in the principal's office last Friday had he not forgotten his book in his locker. And he would not be racing through the school right now had he remembered to do his English homework and not set himself up for a lengthy after-class lecture.

If he'd been missing something good- like math- he probably wouldn't be hurrying so much. But he had to admit, it would be a little pathetic to be late to _gym_.

The locker rooms were in the basement. The farthest possible room from his third-floor English classroom, of course. His destination far down the hall, Roxas rushed down the last set of stairs… just for a door to open immediately to his right, knocking him flat on his bottom.

Slightly stunned, he looked up to see Fuu frozen in the doorway of the girls' locker room. Considering that she wasn't dressed for gym (or in his class, for that matter) she must have been leaving late from the class before. (Even later than himself, he noted in the back of his mind.) Speaking of circumstances- it was really starting to be disconcerting, how often their paths crossed lately. Another week's worth of group sessions had passed, with little further progress. But their seats had become cemented in as part of the routine, as if they'd been formally assigned. Roxas had spent an awful lot of time lately avoiding this girl's eyes, seated as he was across the circle from her. Fuu stood there, shocked for a second, before clearing her throat and self-consciously tugging her sleeves even further down her arm.

"Sorry," she muttered as he picked himself up off the tiled floor.

"Yeah, it's fine," he muttered back, ready to be on his way. While he didn't hate Fuu, (his lackeys had never been on quite the same level as Seifer himself) she'd never really been one of his favorite people either. However, he wasn't sure what exactly he thought of her now. As much as he hated pity when it was directed at himself, he couldn't help but feel for someone who had something terrible enough going on in their life to be stuck in the same therapy sessions as Sora and himself.

He was back on his feet, striding down the hallway, when he heard the older girl call haltingly behind him, "Roxas."

After briefly considering not to, curiosity won out and the blond boy turned around. "Yeah?" 

She cleared her throat. "Namine called some emergency meeting for tomorrow… Kairi said she wants everyone there."

At first, Roxas wasn't quite sure he was processing the information correctly. "Okay," he said at last.

"Tell Sora," she replied in her usual clipped tone before turning and walking away.

**………...**

_The car hits another bump as their mother speeds down the beat-up back road. Roxas turns to see his brother's equally blue eyes, open wide in the familiar face beside him._

_Larxene turns to look at them in the backseat, her eyes confident and a little crazed-looking._

" _Don't worry, boys," she tries to assure them as they speed past another row of dilapidated houses. "I grew up on these streets. He won't find us…"_

**………...**

Roxas shot up in bed, trying to calm the horrible sound he made- something that was half a whimper and half a gasp- upon waking from all his nightmares. He just sat there for a second, listening to his breathing slow and waiting out the lingering panic. After a moment of silence, it became clear that he hadn't been loud enough to wake anyone else up this time-quite a feat, given how hypersensitive Cloud and Leon had grown to the sound of their night terrors over the years. Roxas finally lay back down, reveling in the sudden peace, keeping his mind away from other, more unsavory topics. A glance at his clock told him it was only 2:03 AM.

Apart from the vibrant green numbers, there was one other source of light in his room. His cell phone was plugged into the wall beside his bed. He so rarely turned it on himself, Sora must have snuck in to charge it for him.

He picked it up and flipped it open just for something to do to try and relax his still-shaking hands, only to see that he had one new message… from Kairi.

**We need 2 talk. I have a message from Namine.**

Clear and concise. All business. Nothing like the bubbly cheer he'd come to associate with Kairi. But it certainly piqued his interest. Whatever the blond girl was gathering them all together for, it must be serious. He resisted the urge to text back, _How did you get my number?_ Instead he sent, _Fuu told me. We'll be there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one feels especially... choppy. Choppier than the little edits could fix. But I tried.
> 
> (Well, it's looking like the chapter one Notes being at the bottom of every chapter is just going to be a thing now. I guess there are worse glitches...)


	5. The Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned I would give extra warnings for the bigger trigger chapters: this is the first one. The tags for 'Pregnancy via Rape' and 'Miscarriage' were added for this chapter. As well as the story of the rape Namine mentioned in chapter two.   
> It should be pretty clear where the possibly triggering material starts, but to spell it out plainly, I'd abandon ship after the line: "So I'm taking the first step." And I'll give a summarized version of events in my end notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an extra note, I tried to keep things realistic, if a bit vague. I have no personal experience with rape, pregnancy, or miscarriage, so I hope I did the subjects justice.

"And you wonder why everyone says it's haunted…" Sora muttered with a shudder as their car drew to a stop. Cloud didn't even bother to reprimand him. None of them could deny how creepy the scene was, with the light fading like this.

The entry grounds of the old mansion were already dark, the sunset blocked by the towering trees surrounding the property. Naminé hadn't called this meeting until 7:30, and now he had to wonder if she'd had the specifics of the setting in mind when she'd scheduled it. Roxas shivered as he stepped outisde and slammed his door shut, echoed by Sora's mimicry- the only two sounds on the silent property.

"Should I come back at 8:30?" Cloud asked uncertainly. Roxas nodded, though, really, no end time had been set. He suspected his request to break the rules laid down for his grounding just one more time had only been granted because they had caught their fathers so off-guard. It wasn't as if the first two meetings would have endeared them to the idea. The fact that they'd both _wanted_ to attend an extra impromptu session had been quite the surprise. But for some reason, Roxas felt like he _had_ to be here. The logical part of his brain told him this shouldn't be the case. It wasn't as if he really knew or liked any of his group mates. But _something_ was going to happen at the old mansion tonight, and it was something he needed to be a part of.

The twins paused in front of the old building as their father slowly pulled away. There was one light flickering in the window of the room where their group met. The young blond was starting to feel more and more like this had taken a turn for the occult.

The front door creaked ominously, but it was open. The two walked up the carpeted stairs slowly, trying not to make a sound in the darkness. They reached their destination and found that the flickering light they'd seen outside came from the candles placed all over the room.

It was somewhat comforting to realize that they were the last ones there, if not surprising that everyone had actually shown up. Perhaps they'd all been drawn to this meeting by the same connection Roxas had started to feel. Roxas let go of his brother's hand. He hadn't been aware until that moment that he'd been uneasy enough to grab it- an old habit they shared from their younger days.

All the chairs had been removed from the room, but the eight teens were all sitting in the same order, spread out on the floor. Their setting slightly changed, Roxas found himself gazing around the circle once again, as if he was meeting them all for the first time.

Naminé, who had beamed at them when they'd arrived, looked even more ghostly pale in the candlelight. Speaking of, Axel had never seemed more relaxed. In fact, they all looked a bit more comfortable in the dimmed lighting. (With the exception of Kairi, who looked uncharacteristically worried.) Roxas noticed that this was especially so for Xion, for whom it seemed even easier to fade into the background.

"Thank you all for coming," said Naminé once the twins took their places.

"Why are we here?" Riku asked, cutting off the blonde girl's preamble and crossing his arms. He glanced almost suspiciously at Aerith, who was present but had yet to say a word.

Their group leader noticed both his silent accusation and Naminé's frown. Roxas was struck with another connection to school: if they were in a classroom right now, Naminé would most definitely be the teacher's pet.

"You are here because one of your group mates has requested an extra session, which I support wholeheartedly," she made sure to add before said group member could address the silver-haired boy's rudeness. "I'm sure to most of you, Friday comes too soon after our Monday sessions. But a week can be a long time, and I encourage you all to seek someone out if you ever start to feel overwhelmed." Aerith let her gaze linger on each of them in turn.

Naminé cleared her throat, ready to be the center of attention again. "Anyway, I've called you all here for something very important…" she trailed off and fidgeted in a way that made it hard to tell if she was nervous or excited. She seemed almost unsure of how she wanted to approach this moment now that it had come. She finally seemed to settle on indignance.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I show up every session because I want to get better." There was a touch of real anger in her voice. "That's never going to happen- for any of us- if we spend each afternoon just sitting around refusing to talk."

The blonde girl didn't call anyone out by name, but several pairs of eyes darkened. It was a lot to ask of them, especially considering that the majority of the circle wasn't there by choice. Well, with the exception of tonight, of course. And perhaps that had been a test Naminé had purposely set for them.

 _Very sneaky…_ Roxas thought. If anyone tried to bail now, he fully expected the blond girl to call them out on it. _Something_ inside of them had brought them all here to this unofficial session tonight.

Naminé took a deep breath. "So I'm taking the first step." Her tone was hard to describe. It wasn't grim, exactly… but she wasn't jumping for joy either.

"When I started high school," she began, "I was a lot of things. I was shallow, short-sighted, pretty self-centered, I guess. I had a lot of casual friends, but I wasn't particularly close with any of them. I did what I could to be on everyone's good side. It wasn't that high school was my new start. I suppose I'd always been that way- a little too eager to be liked. And so I took the easy route to being popular. I was the blonde cheerleader," she said with a light, almost sarcastic flip of her hair.

She took another deep breath, steadying herself for the harder part of this story.

"There was this boy who went to my school named Marluxia. I didn't really know him all that well, but he got picked on a lot. His hair was naturally the lightest shade of pink you've ever seen, and he always smelled like roses. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what kind of comments that got from the other boys in class. I'm sure I jumped to some conclusions myself at first. But we were all wrong. It was just him and his mom, and she worked all the time. That was just the kind of shampoo she bought, and they usually didn't have the spare time or money to get him haircuts, so he kept it long. It wasn't his fault, that's just the way it was. But kids are cruel. And they thought they'd found an easy target.

"Anyway, I guess it got to the point where he felt he had to prove something to the other boys… I didn't really know him, but when he asked me out, I said yes. He was a junior and I was a freshman, and I was the only girl on my squad who didn't have a date to homecoming… so I said yes."

Roxas could picture this Naminé of a year ago, though it was hard to line up that girl with the one sitting before him now. There was something too tough about the girl sitting before him now for anyone to believe she was naïve or shallow.

"In the beginning, it was actually really nice. High school was going better than I'd ever imagined it would. None of my problems went beyond regular school problems, like forgetting to do my homework, or getting into petty little spats with my friends. And Marluxia was really sweet. Always a little on edge. I guess that just comes with the territory when you've been bullied for as long as he was. But I'd be lying if I tried to say I always knew there was something just a little off about him. I didn't. To be honest, most of the time, it didn't feel like we were dating. We'd only kissed once- at the dance. I mean, we held hands in the hallway and everything, but for the most part, he could have been my best friend."

Naminé was silent for a moment, seeming to dwell internally on something, and Roxas could tell that this was the part where the story got darker.

"But dating a cheerleader didn't stop the bullying, and I could see that it was really getting to him. I tried to tell him to just ignore it, but what _I_ said never seemed to make a difference when compared to what everyone _else_ was saying.

"He started wanting to spend more and more time together outside of school. Which would have been fine, except we weren't just hanging out anymore. He'd have me over when his mother wasn't home- which was often- and he'd put on some dumb movie and try to feel me up."

The entire room was dead silent, but it was a different kind of silence than they were used to. It was more respectful, in a way. They all knew where this was going. Naminé had been blunt enough about it on their very first day. Roxas doubted she would do anything to spare them tonight.

"It got worse and worse, and one day he just, I don't know… snapped. He started screaming back at the other boys, and then he just stormed off… But we'd already had plans that night, and I couldn't just not show up…" An ironic, bitter smile briefly flashed across her face. "I'd wanted to make sure he was okay."

"He'd had all afternoon to stew on the most recent insults. When I got there, he'd decorated his house in the creepiest way… It was so dark, and he'd set out all these candles… The entire place smelled overpoweringly of roses."

The smell seemed to have permeated the air of the very room they were sitting in, and with a shiver, Roxas realized it was coming from the candles. Naminé had deliberately done up the room a certain way. Sora must have noticed his brother's reaction, because he took Roxas's hand again, and Roxas made no move to pull away.

"I didn't even see him before he grabbed me… He didn't look nearly as strong as he actually was. He shoved me down on his couch- the same one we always sat on- and held me down while he tore off my skirt… And then he was _inside_ me…" Her voice choked off.

"Why didn't you scream?" asked Kairi, her voice deathly quiet, tears dripping from her eyes to match the ones trailing down the blonde girl's cheeks.

"At first, I begged him over and over again to stop… then I just couldn't talk at all… He was making the most _awful_ sounds." Naminé hugged herself a little tighter. "He was actually _enjoying_ it," she said bitterly.

The entire circle seemed to have frozen in her pause. Those whose faces he could see were as pale as Kairi's, and Riku's hands were clenched into fists.

"When it was over," she began again, a little more composed, "he just stood there and looked down at me like I was some sort of stranger. I grabbed my stuff and ran… I wouldn't let myself go back over what had happened in my mind. I wouldn't let myself think at all. It didn't even register that I was sore until the next morning.

"My mom let me stay home the next day- I told her I was sick. The day after that, I quit cheerleading, and I went out of my way to make sure I never passed near anywhere he might be. I didn't care if I was late to every class, but I couldn't stand the way it felt like everyone was watching me. I stopped talking to my mom. I felt like I should've been showering five or six times a day, but I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore.

"As much as a month later, I was still feeling sick every day, and I started to panic. I mean, what if he'd given me an STD or something? I let my mom take me to our doctor, and I insisted they test my blood. When the doctor came back, she told me I was pregnant."

Roxas closed his eyes and squeezed Sora's hand, wondering if this story could get any worse. It could.

"As soon as we found out, my mom started screaming, and I was crying and screaming right back, and the story sort of just… came out.

"My parents hired some really expensive lawyer, but I refused to talk to him. I didn't care what happened to Marluxia as long as I never had to see him again. We didn't have any overlapping classes, so we'd had to go out of our way to meet up at school anyway... As far as anyone at school was concerned, we'd just broken up. I wasn't far enough along yet to be showing, so no one even knew I was pregnant. But I couldn't take it. I was sick all the time… I hated myself, I hated that _thing_ that he'd put inside of me…"

She took a deep breath, her hands trembling. "One day, my mom started decorating the room next to mine… I'd told her a _million_ times I didn't want to- I couldn't- keep it, but she was making a nursery. I stormed in there and started yelling, but then I stopped. I'd felt this little twitch inside of me."

Naminé placed a hand over her lower abdomen with the smallest hint of a smile on her tearstained face, reliving the moment. "It was the tiniest thing , really, but it was the first time I'd felt anything…

"It took a little while to sink in, but I started to get excited too. For the first time, it sort of felt like this whole thing didn't have to be all bad. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified of giving birth and being a mother and all that, but there was never any doubt that my parents would help out. I knew I'd have it a lot easier than a lot of teen mothers.

"I started talking to my lawyer, and we filed the rape report. Marluxia was expelled from school, and we starting talking about the trial…

"Just a couple days later, I started to get really bad cramping… My mother said it happened sometimes, and she sent me to bed early. When I woke up… my bed looked like a murder scene. Everything was soaked with blood, and I started screaming."

Naminé took a moment to futilely attempt to brush away her tears, and this time it was Sora squeezing Roxas's hand for comfort.

"When I woke up, the doctors said I was lucky. I'd passed out from the sight, not the blood loss… But I'd lost my baby. They said it happened sometimes early on… and I hadn't been taking the best care of myself…"

There was a muffled sob, and all eyes turned to look at Kairi. "I'm sorry," the red-haired girl said to the group. "It's just so sad." She got up and walked over to sit beside the storyteller, putting her arm around the other girl.

"I didn't think it was possible to feel so heartbroken about something I'd only just gotten attached to," Naminé choked out. "I felt so guilty… I'd spent so much time trying to ignore its existence, and now it was gone… just like that. But I couldn't ignore it this time. I continued bleeding for days, and I couldn't afford to fall apart again."

Naminé seemed to be steeling herself for the final mile. "We had a ceremonial burning of all the furniture we'd bought for the nursery, and I personally tore down all the wallpaper. Then, a couple of weeks ago, Marluxia was found guilty at trial. Everything was ending, and I decided right then to do everything I could to get better. If anything, the trial had just made me feel even worse. Recounting my story for a group of strangers, who may have thought I was making the whole thing up, had been humiliating. And so I talked with my therapist, and she suggested I might have a better experience among my peers. So here I am. And I will get better. Telling my story tonight was a thousand times more therapeutic than it's ever been in the past. I don't know if any of you got anything out of it, but... I'm starting to feel like I really can move past this."

There was another moment of silence after she'd finished her tale. Aerith began to praise Naminé for her courage, but Roxas barely heard it. Though left unsaid, her intentions were very clear. Namine had taken the first step, but she expected the others around her to continue building that staircase. Perhaps to some it was empowering... but Roxas was left with a sharp feeling of unease. 

 _I'm glad you were able to open up your mind to the group,_ he thought silently to her, _but I can't return the favor…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who skipped it, here's the summarized version of Namine's story:
> 
> Namine's first year in high school, she briefly dated a boy (Marluxia) with a long history of being bullied for being effeminate. The majority of their relationship was very innocent-- simple handholding and the like. The bullying escalated and Marluxia snapped. He raped Namine, and she ended up pregnant, intending to have the baby but put it up for adoption. However, she miscarried not long after coming to terms with this decision. Marluxia was convicted of rape at the trial, and Namine ultimately ended up a stronger person. Her entry into this group therapy was voluntary, and she's adamant about everyone else getting better right alongside her.


	6. The Way Silence Shatters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this has always been one of those chapters I was never quite sure about. It feels a little all over the place, but it sets up some conflicts and plot points that are brought up later... the twins starting to be really affected by their group and beginning to stand on their own... Fair warning, this also adds the Tag 'Slight Dissociation'. I'll reflect a little more at the end.

His white ceiling seemed to pop and crackle in the darkness even though the entire house was silent. Roxas had been lying awake since he'd gotten home. The meeting had run past 8:30, but Cloud hadn't seemed to mind. In fact, he seemed a little relieved to find he hadn't made some grave mistake in leaving his children at some creepy mansion at night.

Naminé's story had been powerful. She'd even managed to convince him (for the most part) that she was okay, or would be okay. But she hadn't answered the most important question, the one that held any amount of relevance with him: How does one recover from anything so dramatically life-changing? It had not occurred to him that he could just ask until the group had already went their separate ways for the night. 

The blond boy turned to stare out his dark window. Twilight Town wasn't exactly a big city, but tonight not even the crickets were chirping. Roxas wrestled with his sleepless mind for ten minutes more before taking his cell phone from his bedside table for the second time that week.

He found Kairi's old message in his phone and added a new reply: _What's Naminé's number?_

He must not have been the only one lying awake that night, because he got an answer not five minutes later. Kairi didn't even ask him any questions. She had been the connecting thread between Namine and many of the other teens while setting up that meeting. Perhaps he was not even the only one to contact her looking for a way to continue the conversation more privately. 

So there he sat, with all the means to contact Naminé, and no idea what to say to her. But he knew he would get no peace and quiet in his mind until he got his answers. At last, he settled on, _I want to talk to you._

Just ten minutes later she responded, **Okay. I'll call u 2morrow.**

**………...**

"Roxas, get up!" The boy in question wasn't sure when he'd last felt a grogginess of this intensity. He was vaguely aware of his own lateness but just couldn't quite bring himself to get out of bed. He supposed that was the consequence of laying awake so late into the night. Not being much of a morning person himself, Sora had only been able to take so much of his brother's unresponsiveness before he resorted to shouting. And when he wanted to, the brunet twin could be _loud_.

His blond counterpart startled awake after having drifted off yet again, shooting up so that their foreheads collided with a sickening smack, knocking Sora off the bed and causing fireworks to erupt before both of their eyes.

"Ow…" Sora moaned, clutching at his head. "What did you do that for?" he snapped, glaring.

"It wasn't on purpose," his brother replied, glaring right back. "And maybe you shouldn't have been _screaming_ in my ear!" Roxas ground out between his teeth.

Glaring at each other in identical positions from where they each sat, neither twin moved for a good five minutes, nursing their own wounds. And this was how Cloud found them when he hurried up the stairs, impatient and preoccupied. Apparently they weren't the only ones having a rough morning. 

"Roxas, why are you still in bed? And Sora, get up off the floor; you're both going to be late." He was making his way back down the hall before either of them could respond. 

The two just barely made the bus in time, and they held onto their crabby attitudes right up until the bus turned the final corner and they caught sight of the school. The monotony of the bus ride had mellowed them out a little. Sora, now fully awake, turned from the aisle and nudged his brother. "Hey, Roxas."

"Nnn?" Roxas, still feeling the effects of how little sleep he'd gotten the night before, had his head resting against the seat in front of them, eyes closed.

"Have you ever had this sudden urge to be somebody's friend?"

"No."

"Oh… Okay." There was silence.

Finally, Roxas heaved a dramatic sigh and asked, "Why?"

His brother's beam was so bright, Roxas could practically see it through his eyelids. He could _feel_ Sora's smile. Without any further preamble, Sora declared, "I decided last night that I want to be friends with Riku."

At last, Roxas picked up his head and opened his eyes to stare at his brother. Had their collision that morning been harder than he'd thought?

"Why?" he asked again, utterly bewildered.

"I feel like he's the kind of person I want to get to know. I just know there's more to him than he lets on, you know? Why, don't you like him?" Sora seemed genuinely surprised at the prospect that his brother may not have also taken a shine to the cold, older boy.

"What's to like?" the blond twin answered cynically, still a little taken aback. "After Axel, he's my least favorite person there."

"You don't like Axel?" Sora seemed even more surprised, and Roxas was beginning to wonder what planet his brother lived on. He knew Sora always saw the best in everyone, but this was pushing it.

"Are you kidding?" Roxas responded darkly, in no mood to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. "Riku may just be pissed at the world, but Axel's secretly mocking every one of us there." He didn't really feel like explaining how he knew this. Every time he looked at the older boy, he saw a poorly-contained fire burning in those emerald eyes that conveyed exactly what he thought of them all. And sure, maybe Roxas could be a little derisive towards the whole setup himself, but there was something about Axel's contempt that felt personal. He wasn't sure if he could put this into words, even for his twin. Luckily, Sora didn't ask him to elaborate. Perhaps he wasn't as blind to this as his innocent question had suggested.

"That's funny," he replied, lighthearted as ever. "I bet you and Axel could be really close someday."

"I don't suggest you ever take up gambling," Roxas muttered as the bus doors flew open and students began to flood into the building.

**………...**

All throughout the school day, Roxas's thoughts buzzed around in his head, but they were such a jumbled mess that he wasn't sure they successfully formed a coherent sentence even once. He got yelled at for not paying attention in almost every class. He nearly forgot to eat his lunch that day as he was sitting in the cafeteria and couldn't comprehend a word any of his friends said to him. By the end of the day, Hayner was annoyed, Olette was worried, and Pence looked terribly confused, but Roxas didn't have enough space in his mind to try and fix any of these problems.

During a single moment of misplaced clarity, Roxas had felt a stab of belated dread in his stomach. He recognized fairly early into his day that this numbness pervading his entire being wasn't simply an after-effect of a bad night's sleep. And it was unsettlingly... familiar. 

Every once in a while, Roxas would just… turn off. It was something that his brother had learned to deal with and his parents were still troubled about, but in Roxas's opinion, there were worse things to live with. It didn't make him suicidal or lash out at others; he just wasn't mentally there. And these spells always passed. But still, it had been a lot worse in his younger years, and he knew it was one of the main reasons his parents were so adamant about getting outside, professional help.

So out of it was he, Roxas had forgotten all about the conversation he and Naminé were supposed to have until she texted him not five minutes after the final bell rang. In a bit of a daze, he read:

**Roxas,**

**Sumthing came up. We'll have to talk 2morrow @ group.**

Vaguely, it registered in the back of his mind that this was probably for the best- he was in no condition to have that conversation right now. It did not occur to him to text her back.

**………...**

When the twins met up again on the bus ride back, it was been apparent from a glance that something was wrong. Sora had looked alarmed at first, and then the recognition had set in, and he just looked... sad. But Roxas didn't have the mental clarity to deal with the emotions flickering across his brother's face. He was moving on autopilot at this point, and could only handle one step at a time. First, he had to complete the journey home.

The house was quiet. Cloud and Leon were both at work, and Roxas had been sitting on his bed, staring out the window, ever since Sora had led him upstairs. He wasn't sure where Sora had gone afterwards. The brunet had left him to listen to the roaring within his ears, the painful silence without.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before there came a tentative knock on his bedroom door. Not that he'd bothered to close it. "Roxas?" It was fitting that his brother be the one to break the silence.

Roxas directed his blank gaze at the other boy but didn't say a word. Sora hesitated before striding into the room and setting the glass of water he'd fetched down on the desk, sitting down beside his twin on the bed. "Are you okay?" Rarely did Sora's voice sound so timid.

"Fine," he mumbled in response. The words had to fight through something impossibly thick to become audible, and then just barely. He'd long since grown used to the buzzing and at the moment it was almost... comforting. He didn't want anything to drag him back to the outside world. 

Slowly, Sora reached a hand out to his brother's shoulder. Roxas didn't have the energy to brush him off. Distantly, he was aware of how warm Sora's hand was. His own fingers were freezing.

"You're not fine," the brunet nearly whispered, uncharacteristically solemn. "Don't you think it would help to actually talk to someone?"

Of all things... Why did his brother have to bring this up _now_? Couldn't he see that Roxas didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with such a loaded question in this state?

"You're one to talk," he murmured, still sounding distant. It felt like he had to fight through sludge just to get the words out. Speaking led to a crumbling sensation inside of himself. He didn't like it. He was determined not to provoke this sensation, if at all possible. But Sora wasn't going to give him that choice. 

"I don't do _this_ ," Sora whispered, eyes suddenly downcast, and Roxas was certain he wasn't supposed to hear. But Sora was only sitting a few centimeters away, and he _did_ hear, and for the first time that day, a small thorn of annoyance started to prick through his haze, washing away the internal falling. "Just shut down like that'll make it all go away..." 

And when Roxas did speak, it seemed like the only emotion he could convey was anger. In fact, he nearly spit out the words. "Well, I'm glad _you_ live in a world where life can be perfect if everyone just shares their feelings all the time, but I don't."

"Not that you would know, because you've never tried!" Roxas couldn't bear to look at Sora- his voice was already choked up. Sora didn't rise to meet his anger, instead only sinking into a pleading tone.

"I don't need to," Roxas snapped, directing his words at the floor. "I've been watching you long enough to see that it doesn't work!"

"Stop it!" Sora exploded at last, jumping to his feet. "I don't care if you want to send the rest of the world to hell, but stop shutting _me_ out!"

"Why not?!" Roxas shouted back, his anger taking over him as he latched on to the only thing he'd been able to feel for hours. "You seem to understand about as well as the rest of the world!"

A part of him knew he was hurting his brother. He shouldn't be hurting his brother. He was being irrational. This part of him wasn't nearly loud enough to make a difference.

"How can you act like no one else will ever understand you? I was there too, you know! I have to live with it too! And you know what else!?" Sora yelled in the finale of his rage. "It wouldn't kill you to show some emotion like a real human being once in a while!" Rant over, Sora stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him so hard the whole doorframe rattled. A moment later, another door could be heard slamming a little further on down the hall.

"And when would I have time to do _that_?!" Roxas screamed back, regardless. "I'm too busy taking care of _you_!"

But his screams fell upon an empty room. Breathing heavily, Roxas backed up shakily until his hit his bedroom wall. He slid down until he met the floor and slowly brought his hands up to cover his eyes, determined once again to just wait it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, to clarify... I've never experienced an actual dissociation in response to my stress or anxiety, but I wanted to give Roxas something a little more... concrete to explore? (Concrete is definitely the wrong word; I can't think of how else to explain it at the moment.) I mean an easier way to identify when a 'bad day' for him reaches an actually dangerous headspace. It's not the last time you'll see it in this story. His not-quite panic attack, not-quite dissociation. I'm not sure he even ever calls out his anxiety for what it is, but that is what I was trying to portray here, based on some of my worst days when I kind of /wished/ I could just block everything out until it was over. (I think it should go without saying that this line of thinking is not encouraged.)


	7. The Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another aftermath/setting things up for later chapter. Now that I'm looking back on this story, there sure are a lot of those...
> 
> This does go a little more into the very end of Namine's story, and she does get a little backlash for accusing a fellow student of rape, but there's nothing really graphic or triggering here. And if you want to skip that part, it is pretty obvious, again, where that discussion starts and it goes to the end of the chapter.

Friday morning dawned bright and early, and for a few minutes, Roxas just lay in bed, watching the sun stream through his window. His mind was considerably clearer. He felt better... Until the memory of the previous night floated to the forefront of his mind. He wasn't clear on when he'd undressed and gotten into bed, but his fight with Sora he recalled perfectly. He winced at the thought and took a deep breath before pushing himself up and into the day.

He and Sora walked out of their bedrooms at the same time, freezing just a second before trudging down the hallway side by side. They didn't say a word to each other, but in that silence, all was forgiven. This was just how the two worked. There had been a time when the other was all either one of them had, and a bond like that wasn't easily destroyed. The forgiveness was a given. Because it had to be. Neither of them could live any other way.

And yet... For once, Roxas found himself almost wishing Sora would bring up the subject again. He knew he'd been rotten about it... His brother had only been trying to help. Roxas knew, in that dark place deep inside of himself that he only looked at as rarely as possible, that Sora was right. He didn't excel at dealing with his emotions. Mostly, he just pushed them away, almost desperately, worried he wouldn't be able to function if they were addressed. A part of him knew this was important enough to override his comfort. It would come up again eventually. But he couldn't bring himself to be the one to broach the subject. So he did what he did best and forced his emotions away, and to the rest of the world, everything looked fine. Just another day.

However, neither missed the watchful eyes of Cloud and Leon. Or the odd fact that Leon was still home at all. Clearly their parents knew something had gone down between them the night before, but they, too, chose not to bring it up.

On the bus, Sora sleepily rested his head on Roxas's shoulder, and the blonde brother let him, deep in thought. But he shot up straight in his seat not five minutes later.

"Oh yeah!"

"Huh?" Sora asked, jolted out of dozing off again.

"I was supposed to talk to Naminé today."

"Oh, great…" Sora mumbled thickly, settling back down and closing his eyes again. Roxas didn't mention that this also meant they'd be going back to group today, but he realized that, perhaps for the first time, he didn't really mind. The familiar dread was missing, and all his questions had returned. His mind was buzzing once again, but with activity this time. And he found this preferable for everyone.

**………...**

Roxas wondered just how far a person could trick their brain in regards to time. He was actually looking forward to group, but he was so used to dreading it that the day seemed to speed by. Lunch seemed to arrive earlier than usual, and before he knew it, Cloud was pulling away from the old mansion.

He and Sora didn't bother to creep through the place anymore. Their tracks were on their way to becoming well-worn. Roxas thought he saw a flash of silver go by right before they reached the second-floor landing, but he wasn't really paying attention.

"We're early," Sora commented, distracted by something down the hall.

"Yeah," Roxas murmured, just as distracted, though not for the same reason. He sat down on the hard, bright green bench outside the door (it had been donated recently after their first session and clashed horribly with the rest of the place) and rested his head against the equally hard wall, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. The first threads of nervousness were working their way into his stomach. He wondered if Naminé planned to show up early so they could talk. He wondered how he even planned to ask all the questions jumbling up his thoughts.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom before it starts," said Sora, turning slowly and watching his brother. He needn't have worried; the blonde twin was barely listening.

"'Kay," he replied absentmindedly, his thoughts drifting off as his brother did.

**………...**

Sora eased the door to the men's room open as quietly as possible. He'd never actually been inside before, but it was obvious upon first glance that it had not always been a bathroom. No one had bothered to remove the carpet and fancy wallpaper from the floor and walls, which was a bad idea for reasons he didn't even want to think about.

But he wasn't in there to actually use the bathroom anyway. He, too, had seen the flash of silver go by, but Sora had been paying more attention than his brother, more alert than he'd let on, uncharacteristically sneaky. Riku was standing in front of the sinks, looking at himself in the tall mirror. Immediately, Sora was thankful for this. He didn't always think through his impulsive plans. He'd thought Riku had been moving strangely, like he was in pain. It hadn't occurred to him that he other boy might be... preoccupied, that he might just be sick.

But his relief was short-lived when he caught sight of what exactly Riku was scrutinizing in the mirror. Any greetings he'd been about to use flew out of his head. Sora stifled a gasp and immediately snapped his mouth shut, freezing where he stood. The silver-headed boy's jacket was unzipped and he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. Patches of his chest were the odd, yellowish color of a nearly-healed bruise. But it was his stomach that attracted Sora's attention. The older boy's abdomen was a hideous shade of purple. Riku gingerly skimmed the fingertips of his left hand across the tender surface.

Sora squeezed his eyes shut, reopened them, and then let the door close, loudly, behind him. Riku whirled around, pulling one half of his jacket across his body, but the damage was already done. To his credit, his eyes only showed his panic for a fraction of a second.

"What do you want?" Riku demanded, snarl in place.

"How'd that happen?" Sora breathed, not sure he was able to keep the horrified expression from his face. His words only intensified the other boy's scowl.

"Got into a fight with some little shit at school," he ground out, and the threat in his tone was blatant but rushed in the way that lies often are. "Not that it's any of _your_ business," he spat pointedly before brushing past him out the door.

**………...**

Roxas's silence was interrupted nearly the second his brother left. A glance to his right revealed that the door to the room their group occupied was not closed, as he'd originally thought, but slightly ajar. And the voices coming from inside, one calm and one angry, were two that were definitely familiar; he didn't have to wait long to confirm who they belonged to.

"Axel," Aerith said, already sounding as if she were trying to cool his temper.

"Just shut up!" he snapped, more disgusted than Roxas had ever heard him. "I'm so sick- I'm so _fucking sick_ of hearing this!"

"Axel," their group leader said again. "I'm sure you _have_ already heard this multiple times… from your friends… your parents." She was playing a safe game- one Roxas recognized. Aerith was waiting for the redhead to jump in, to do her work for her. Roxas tilted his head a little closer to the door, eavesdropping shamelessly.

Axel snorted. If the older boy was also aware of their group leader's little game, he willingly leapt right into her trap. "Hardly. What friends? And my parents? Ha! You've got to be kidding." His voice was bitter. "Do you think my parents give a damn what goes on here? Do you think they've ever seen the place?" he ranted.

Aerith's voice again, reasonable as ever. "I'm not saying-"

"I don't care what you're saying!" he exploded, cutting her off before she could placate him. "The point is, I wouldn't be here if my parents didn't think dropping me off twice a week would fix everything!" He was clearly seething, and he'd nearly spat the word 'parents'.

"Axel," Aerith said one last time, even more softly than before. "I'm not trying to assume anything about your family. Believe me, I get it. You are by no means the first person I've worked with who's had difficulty communicating with theirr parents. But we're here to help you, and I truly think it would benefit you to participate a little more in the group discussions."

"Yeah, whatever," Axel muttered, sweeping past Roxas as he strode out the door and down the stairs. Naminé and Kairi were just making their way up, Xion and Fuu trailing behind.

Riku, followed by an uncharacteristically timid Sora, was also heading his way down the hall until the seven of them converged somewhat awkwardly outside the door, their tension and various mindsets evident. Aerith opened it a second later with a sigh and a tired smile. "Come on in."

"Hi, Roxas," Naminé greeted when he stood. The blond boy nodded to her, but his mind was elsewhere. If _Axel_ was getting the participation lecture, he wasn't sure he wanted to spend any amount of time alone with Aerith.

No one said a word about Axel's empty chair when they sat down, though Roxas was the only one who'd seen the scene causing his absence. Instead, their group leader simply closed the door behind them and took her place in the circle.

"Roxas," Naminé said again before Aerith felt the need to break the silence. "Wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?"

His face flushed as every pair of eyes in room moved to find him. He had, but not with an _audience_. Axel's argument with Aerith had distracted him, but as he refocused, he realized there was really only one question he needed answered. "Oh, right. Um… I was wondering about the end… To your story, I mean." She just blinked at him.

"It sounded a little too easy," Sora added in an attempt to aid his twin, who flashed him a grateful smile. (Come to think of it, Sora looked a little flustered himself. Roxas made a mental note to ask about this later.)

"Oh." She smiled a slightly rueful smile. "I guess I did do a bit of editing. It really wasn't that simple.

"When I returned to school, everyone would either stare or refuse to look at me. Marluxia didn't have many friends, but most people didn't believe he was capable of _rape_. They thought I was lying to get attention. And I'd lost just about everyone I'd considered to be a friend when I quit cheerleading. I kind of just withdrew in general afterwards. One of my ex-teammates even told me I didn't appear to be _hurting_ enough for it to be true." She smiled bitterly. "I guess that's what I get for trying to take charge of the situation."

Kairi sighed, eyes downcast. "I wish that didn't happen… The power struggle, I mean."

"Yeah, but that's how it is." Everyone turned to Fuu, who generally spoke up about as much as Roxas and was pulling at the end of one of her sleeves, her gaze never rising from the floor. "Men need to be in control or else they risk looking weak. On the other hand, women can't come off looking _too_ in control, or they're perceived as being callous or bitchy."

"There's no such thing as the perfect victim," Namine said softly, her voice sad and her eyes more than a little bitter. "I've had the opportunity to talk to a lot of other rape survivors, and I've come to realize a lot of things were working in my favor... I had a good reputation, for one. I was responsible. I wasn't drinking; it didn't happen at some party... The fact that we were able to get him convicted at all was a major victory, and you can be sure he won't serve the full time. But I think you're right, Fuu. When I decided I was going to recover-- that I wanted my life back-- I did everything I could to get out in front of what had happened. I wanted to make sure I was in control of the narrative... For the first time, it made me feel strong again. But for some of my classmates, it was like the girl who'd been attacked and the girl who was recovering couldn't possibly be the same person. That because I wasn't irrevocably damaged, it couldn't have happened..." 

All was quiet for a while as they let this sink in until Naminé spoke again. "I was miserable there. Maybe there are some things that really can't be fixed. In the end, I begged my parents to let me transfer to the local private school where no one knew me."

"Oblivion Heights," came a quiet voice from the doorway. Roxas turned to see Axel walking back into the room, looking considerably calmer. He sat down in the empty chair, and Naminé smiled at him.

"Yes. I thought I saw you there once or twice, but you're a senior and I'm a sophomore, so we don't cross paths much."

"Naminé Grace," he said slowly. "I've heard about you. Your mom's a model, and your dad's a professional football player, right? Kind of a fancy pedigree, even for our school."

"Yes. I guess it's impossible to remain completely anonymous." She didn't seem terribly upset by this, though. Naminé seemed to have moved past the need for anonymity.

"Not that it really matters," Riku spoke up. He didn't sound terribly interested. "I doubt your new 'friends' really know you anyway. Shiny new friends at a fancy new school... You said no one at your old school even liked Marluxia. He might as well have been a stranger. You talk a good game, but have you really tried to explain this to _them_?"

"No, I guess not," she replied a little sadly. Aerith pursed her lips at his tone but didn't intervene. Roxas supposed she'd gotten her wish. Participation was up for the day, but they were all coming just _this close_ to outright attacking one another. But he could kind of see what Riku meant. The fact that Namine would open up to them but not the friends she'd made by choice... It was just another unwelcome reminder that they were all _damaged_ too. 

"It's hard to tell someone you care about when something is wrong." Ironically, it was Kairi who'd spoken. "I'm not saying they don't _care_ , but-"

"They don't understand," Fuu cut in, speaking up for a second time that session. "No one wants to hear that it doesn't get better immediately after you tell someone. That you're not cured as soon as you decide to get help."

It was the longest speech Roxas had ever heard her make, and he found himself thinking of his own friends. How Hayner seemed to ignore every serious problem that made him uncomfortable, scoffing or laughing it off. Of the horrified looks Pence and Olette had given Kairi after she'd shared her tale. No, his friends didn't really know him, but he wasn't sure he'd still have friends if they did.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Xion with her face tilted to the floor, tears dripping silently down her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, damn. That got a little dark there at the end. Oops.


	8. The Hidden Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts to look into Axel a little more closely. There is discussion of self-harm, but nothing graphic. Some of the things said in response to this may be upsetting, though... I don't know; I try to be as respectful of personal triggers and whatnot as possible, but it's literally going to be, like, every other chapter in this story has Something to be on the look out for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was...stressful to post, in a way. It's quite short, and a lot of drama is thrown at you. It makes me feel like I need to leave all sort of disclaimers: Axel's mindset will be gone into further. Riku's mindset will be gone into further. Fuu will be explained eventually. Even Seifer's character is explored a little more before the end of the story. I appreciate your patience. Don't write anyone off too soon.

Seifer returned to school on Monday. Any bruising had disappeared, and for the first day, he wouldn't even look at Roxas. On the second day, Seifer began sending murderous looks his way whenever they happened to pass each other in the hallway. And by the third day, Roxas was wishing he could return to the dread and anticipation of the first.

"Goddammit!" he cried, jumping back on reflex as he viewed the contents of his locker. It was Friday afternoon, and everything in his faulty metal safe now lay coated in red paint. He knew he should have made a bigger deal of the broken lock. Sora, standing off to the side, leaned in closer to get a better look and his mouth popped open.

"Did Seifer do that?" he asked incredulously.

"Who else would it have been?" Roxas replied darkly, leaning down and running a hand over one of his textbooks. The paint was dry.

"You should bring all that stuff to Xigbar. I mean, even if he's mad, I'm sure he'd believe you. Maybe he could get you new copies or something…" His brother kneeled down beside him to try and help sort through the mess, but there wasn't much that could be salvaged.

Roxas sighed. "I think I already used up my favor when he didn't suspend me for fighting in the first place. Besides, he stopped me in the hallway yesterday, and I could tell he just wanted the whole Seifer thing to be over and done with."

 _Not nearly as much as I do, though,_ he thought grimly. Most of his textbooks looked as if they'd survived the worst of it--only the covers showing serious damage-- but his homework folder was completely trashed. He could see a long night ahead of him… But for now, he heaved everything back inside and slammed the door shut. From the outside, it all looked perfectly normal…

"So how do you think Seifer got into your locker?" Sora asked, breaking into his thoughts as they began to walk down the hall, hands behind his head, looking curious but carefree as ever.

"No idea," Roxas mumbled cynically, though really, he had a pretty good guess.

**………...**

When Roxas strode ahead as they entered the mansion, Sora gave his brother a questioning look but didn't actually say anything, which the blond twin appreciated. Today they weren't early, and Fuu was already climbing the stairs when he spotted her.

"Hey!" he called out, rushing ahead to block her path. He had gotten her attention with his angry tone. Excluding the incident with Seifer that had begun this whole mess, Roxas rarely lost his temper, and never at school. She watched him almost blankly as he stormed up to her, a carefully neutral look, her muscles tensing ever so slightly. 

"You told Seifer where my locker was," he accused, fuming. He had spotted the older girl lurking around by the freshman lockers in between classes a few times over the course of the day, but he hadn't been able to figure out why. He'd briefly entertained the idea that she might be working up the courage to say something to him, put their past relationship behind them in light of this new connection, but now he knew better. She'd been spying.

Of course, it didn't help that his locker rarely worked to begin with. It often stuck, and when it wasn't getting jammed, it tended to open without the exact combination; if you were close, you were good. (And sometimes, all it required was a well-placed, frustrated kick.) Which had never been such a hindrance before now.

For the longest time, Fuu said nothing, her expression cool. At last, just as his breathing was beginning to slow down and he was beginning to suspect she would somehow ignore him entirely, she replied, "Get out of my face," and pushed past him up the stairs.

Roxas was left to stare after her, anger flaring up again, barely registering that Sora had come to stand behind him. He'd been stupid to assume that going to group together had changed anything between him and Fuu. They certainly weren't friends.

"Come on," Sora said at last, placing a hand on his twin's shoulder. "We'll be late."

The two finished what had become an increasingly long journey together, though Roxas shrugged away from the other boy, and took their seats in the circle. Naminé glanced at the blond twin worriedly, but he was too busy ignoring Fuu to notice. The tensions had shifted yet again, but other than the rotating conflicts, it was business as usual.

Whenever the teens of the group started to fall into their pattern of silence, Aerith would attempt to get someone to start talking. Fresh off of another private meeting, today she turned to Axel. Everyone in the group was able to read Aerith now; perhaps her show of being such an open book was meant to encourage them. Axel had already sharpened his glare when she turned to him. But it surprised them both when Kairi initiated the conversation before Aerith could.

"So, Axel," she said conversationally, "Why did you decide on fire?"

He just stared at her for a moment before glancing suspiciously at Aerith once more, finally replying, "What?"

"The burns," Kairi specified lightly, gesturing to the older boy's arms as if this were something they discussed on an everyday basis. Just as it had been with Riku that first day, Kairi seemed to warm to people quickly, inviting herself into their lives, regardless of the way they felt about _her_. "Why not just use a knife or something? I wouldn't really know, but it sounds easier. Why fire?"

As this particular line of questioning continued, Fuu paled. And when she spoke, her voice was quiet and unsteady; it showed none of the detached coldness she'd exhibited earlier. "Don't you think that's a little personal?"

But Axel had composed himself. "If you're so eager to talk, why don't you share your own secrets?"

"I would, if I knew any of them," Kairi replied, uncharacteristically combative.

"I think that's a valid question," Aerith cut in before a true argument could start up. Everyone in the room knew that Aerith couldn't _force_ Axel to talk. Which is why it came as such a surprise when he did.

"It's a statement," he said in a calm, steady voice, but Roxas could see that his hands were clenched into fists on his thighs.

"A statement regarding what?" Sora's eyes were wide, and the blond felt a pang of sympathy for his twin. He never had been very comfortable around pain of any kind.

"I've always… hated the water," Axel answered slowly. "I don't like to be wet, and it's usually cold and hard to control…"

"Go on," Aerith pushed gently when he fell into a contemplative silence.

"Demyx." He faltered over the name, and his eyes seemed to cloud over a bit. "My cousin," he nearly choked out. "He… he always loved the water. It was like an obsession with him. Over the summer, he'd drag me to the beach almost every day. And if he wasn't swimming… he'd just sit on the sand and watch the waves… He could spend and hour in the bath, and he was always out swimming when all the sane people thought it was too cold." He swallowed, and tried to take a breath that was both deep and subtle. "One day, Demyx drowned."

He said it so simply, but his words left a ringing in Roxas's ears. He wondered how often Axel had had to say these words for them to come out so emotionlessly. He could tell there was more to the story, but he didn't dare ask. And Axel was not one to show anything but his strong façade in a time like this. He did his best to compose himself, smiled an arrogant, wry smile, and displayed his arms to the group for all to see.

"One thing led to another, and the next thing I know, I'm here in your sorry company." He brought his arms back to rest at his sides and stared grimly around. His eyes were like emerald green coals, daring anyone to challenge his words. And it was a challenge he got.

"And that's it?" Riku asked in a mocking tone, his eyes showing more hatred than should be possible in one not yet sixteen. "I never thought anyone could be that stupid."

"You two must have been close," Kairi commented sadly to the other redhead, but her words were lost in the crowd.

In the space of a second, Riku's rebuke had brought tension rising from every chair in the circle. Roxas had gasped in spite of himself at the harshness of the silver-headed boy's words, and Sora was sending a pleading look at Aerith, begging her to put a stop to this before it could devolve any further. But though the woman's mouth had set into a firm line, she chose instead to watch them all in her careful way. Xion, even more silent than their group leader, seemed to have stopped breathing, and Fuu's head was bent to the floor. But, still, Aerith didn't say a word. She let the conflict play out.

Glassy-eyed and horrified, Naminé whispered, "Riku…" She looked pained, glancing back and forth between the two boys, but Roxas couldn't tell who her concern and sympathy was directed at.

"No, of course that's not _it_ ," Axel responded, his tone just as hard. "I was pissed at the world. I set things on fire, I blew shit up; some days, the fire seemed to be the only thing that reminded me who I was." He paused, seeming to think he'd said too much before glancing at Riku. "Not that it's any of your fucking business."

But the younger boy wasn't budging. "That's stupid," he repeated, cold as ice. "Yeah, it sucks that your cousin died. You didn't need to add any more pain on top of it. You had the chance to move on, and you decided instead to spend your time fucking up the lives of everyone around you--and your own--even more."

This time, no one got a chance to react before he stormed out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In re-reading and editing these earlier chapters before I post them, I find it's the little details that stick out to me now. Like the opening scene, where Roxas opens his locker to find all his stuff covered in red paint? I know it sounds like an over-the-top scenario you'd only see from bullies in fiction, but it actually happened to a friend of mine. (The lockers in my high school were awful.)
> 
> That definitely sounds like too light of a note to end this one. There's still a ways to go before we really get into Riku's story so... Well, for one, I hope it goes without saying that his views belong to his character and are not my own. (I've had my own struggles with self-harm in the past, I've found it's really more of a stress-relief addiction than anything else.) Riku's approaching this from a different light... Basically, he's spent so much of his life being at the mercy of someone who was hurting him that it's hard for him to relate to and sympathize with someone who he sees as having brought it all on himself.
> 
> I hope that softened the blow... if only a little.


	9. The Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a scene during my editing that felt a little awkward... Basically, it's Sora arguing back and forth with himself. But it felt wrong to italicize both sides of it, so the darker part of his mind is in italics, and the more rational side of his argument is in apostrophe marks. (' ') I think it should be pretty easy to distinguish... But I started to worry it might confuse people as I was re-reading it. 
> 
> This chapter is a little all over the place... It brings Roxas's school friends back into the picture. I know they've kind of faded into the background up til now, but they do have a part to play in this story. Particularly in showing the different facets of Roxas's life.

Sometimes Sora didn't mind all the hypocrisy in the world. Other times, he couldn't stand it. Unfortunately, that night his emotions played host to the latter option.

"How could anyone be so cruel?" he whispered at last. No one had said a word on the ride home, though their father had glanced back at Sora's crestfallen expression more than once, and now they stood in the hallway, the front door having just swung shut behind them.

Cloud turned back to where his sons were standing before glancing at Leon who was watching just as curiously from the kitchen doorway and then back at the twins. Sora was standing with his hands clenched into fists, his eyes glued to the floor. Roxas remained beside him, watching his brother just as carefully, appearing almost to be standing guard. At last, Leon sighed, making a shrugging sort of gesture, and Cloud joined him in the next room, leaving the boys alone. As conscientious as their parents were of their mental health, Roxas had to respect how much _they_ respected the confidentiality agreement. It wasn't just their own secrets they were protecting anymore. 

"Sora…" Roxas's words were almost inaudible, and he reached out to grab his brother's hand, but this time it was Sora pulling away. He stormed up the stairs and into his room, painfully aware of the fact that this was exactly what he had asked Roxas not to do just the night before.

He nearly slammed his door shut and fell back onto his bed. He wondered if Riku's words were still haunting everyone else. He'd wanted to get to know the other boy better, and he hated to think he might be regretting that sentiment now. He didn't understand how anyone could say something so awful, least of all someone in any of their situations. It was worse than cruel to suggest that one had brought their trouble upon himself, even if that trouble did happen to be self-harm. And hadn't Riku been _raped_? Repeatedly, according to the boy himself. The thought made Sora shudder again.

 _But doesn't he have a point?_ a dark little voice in the back of Sora's head whispered. _No one is ever really as helpless as they're made out to be, are they? Who's to say Riku isn't right? Maybe Axel could have done more to help himself._ You _could have done something to help yourself, but you didn't and look where it's got you._

'I was five!' Sora silently shouted back at the traitorous thoughts. He shook his head, desperately trying to rid himself of such negativity, but he was in too deep now.

_What five year old doesn't know how to ask for help? Even little kids know when something is obviously wrong._

'She was my _mom_! What was I supposed to do?!'

_Anything. Anything would have been better than nothing._

'It's not my fault!' he pleaded desperately with himself. 'How was I supposed to know it would escalate to that point?'

_How many times had she threatened to do exactly what she did? You could have told someone. But you didn't._

Sora was fighting a losing battle with himself. It really shouldn't have continued to cut this deep. This was by no means his first fight with denial and fault, but it ended this way every single time.

_I should have said something._

Finally, Sora seemed to crumple into himself. He curled up on top of his covers, breathing hard as he attempted to force down the rising lump in his throat. To some extent, he succeeded. He couldn't hold them back completely, but his sobs were dry. He alternated between clutching at his chest where he believed his heart must be, to gasping for air. This was where the real difference between the twins showed its face. Roxas bottled everything up until he eventually imploded. Sora wasn't capable of keeping everything inside. His pain always had some outward form of expression. At last, he fell back, exhausted and still panting. He dragged his pillow closer, at least, before allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

But it shouldn't have come as such a surprise when his dreams were just as disturbed as his waking thoughts. His mother's voice rang in his mind:

_"I'm not going to let him take everything away from me this time."_

But all he could see was utter darkness, the way this particular nightmare always was. Though he was waiting for the tiny explosion of the shot, it wasn't any less terrifying. He shot awake as the sound reverberated through his mind, barely aware that he'd let a very audible scream loose until he had to cut it off for air.

Predictably, three sets of footsteps were soon pounding down the hall and into the room. They flung open his door and he cringed away from the bright hallway light. Cloud, Leon, and Roxas were all sitting on the edges of his bed a few seconds later, but Sora was barely aware that they were there. He'd finally noticed how wet his cheeks already were. It was this realization that made him break down and cry in earnest.

As a reflex, or a safety mechanism, or whatever one preferred to call it, Sora brought his hands up to hide his eyes.

Cloud and Leon both did their part. They tried their best to soothe him. They murmured all the right words and did all the right things. But it was Roxas Sora allowed to hold him. It was Roxas who rocked him back and forth until his tears were gone. It was Roxas who still had his arms wrapped around him when Sora fell asleep.

Because Roxas knew the nightmares just as well as he did.

**………...**

The next morning was not an easy one. But then, after a night like the previous one, they never were. Roxas wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing that his brother wasn't a silent, wallowing mess. Logically, he figured this should be a good thing. Except this logic was being temporarily overshadowed by how irritatingly determined Sora was being. His twin had woken up with the conviction that Riku's harsh words only proved that the silver-headed boy was in need of his friendship more than ever.

"Think about it, Roxas," Sora urged. "No one says something like that unless something is wrong."

"I still don't see why that's such a revelation," Roxas muttered, pointing out that, "No one subjects himself to group therapy unless something is wrong. And that doesn't make it _your_ problem."

"Not like this," Sora insisted, ignoring the last part. "Therapy is only supposed to deal with the aftermath. Whatever was causing this problem is supposed to be gone."

The blond gave him a pointed look. "You can't really believe that."

Sora faltered, but only a little. "I don't mean that it ever really goes away… It's been ten years, and I'm not sure _this_ will ever go away." Roxas looked down. He may not have liked Riku, but he didn't want to discuss _this._

"But still," Sora pushed on. "There's a difference between not being able to deal with the aftermath… and not having actually gotten through it at all."

Back on track, Roxas fixed his brother with a skeptical look. "Sora, what exactly are you saying?"

Sora sighed, exasperated and pleading at the same time. "I don't _know_. It's just… I can tell that something is wrong. You didn't see the bruises."

"He told you himself that he got into a fight at school." Sora had always been stubborn, but there was usually a playful edge to their arguments. He was all business today, and it made Roxas uneasy. 

"You don't get bruises like that from one fight," Sora shot back. "You don't look like that unless you're getting into fights every other day!"

"Well, it wouldn't surprise me if he was," Roxas snapped at last. "Look, Sora, I'm not trying to crush your good intentions or anything, but I don't think whatever you're trying to stir up between you and Riku is going to work out. Guys like Riku don't make friends."

"Why?" Sora's eyes had narrowed, daring his brother to confirm his suspicions. "Because he's _damaged_?"

"Because he's not _friendly_!" The two stopped in the middle of the hallway and just stared at each other for a minute after Roxas's outburst. At last, the blond twin said quietly, "Look, Sora, I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?"

He was ashamed to admit it, but Sora let his anger and frustration take over then. "No, I can't get hurt, because you don't have time _take care of me_ , right?"

There was a moment of silence when the shock and hurt registered on both of their faces. Sora seemed just as surprised that the words had come out of his mouth, and he regretted them immediately, bringing a shaking hand up to his mouth as if he could grab the words out of the air between them. If one had only been looking at their expressions, they would have appeared identical.

"Roxas," Sora tried to amend in a whisper, but his twin had already brushed past him. Not long ago, the blond twin had thought he'd wanted to talk about their fight. Now he just wanted things to go back to the way they always were-- where everything was forgiven in the ensuing silence.

Roxas didn't break his stride until he turned the corner and caught sight of Olette, who seemed nearly as hurt and frazzled as himself.

"Olette?" he said, catching her attention and finding himself a little relieved at the opportunity to ignore his own troubles by immersing himself in someone else's. It was the worst kind of selfishness, to be sure, but at that moment, he'd take it. "What's wrong?"

She sighed and shook her head, running a hand over her face. "It's… nothing."

"C'mon," he wheedled, a little playfully, trying to make light of the situation… whatever it was. "You can talk to me. You can talk to all of us."

Olette made an almost bitter, sarcastic sound as the two began to walk down the hallway, totally out of character for her usual pacifying ways. But she didn't try to push him away when Roxas fell into step beside her, and he felt his mind clearing a little more with every step he took away from Sora. "That's what I used to think, but… Let's be real here. The four of us, we're the outcasts of this school. We stick together because we don't really fit in anywhere else. It's not like that's ever been some big secret. We're not like the popular crowd, and that's not going to change. And I've never had a problem with that. But if we're not like them, why act like them?"

Roxas raised an eyebrow. Sure, being the rejects of the teenage social system was sort of hard to miss, but he'd never heard his friend go off on a rant like this before. To be honest, it had never crossed his mind that Olette might care about something as superficial as popularity. The four of them, Olette, Hayner, Pence, and himself just didn't fit into that mold. It just wasn't who they were. What was it that made someone fit in or stand out, he wondered? After all, in terms of groups, Sora was one of _them_. And he'd never seen his brother as shallow or eager to please. Yet Sora could befriend just about anyone…

They had stopped as she contemplated this, and Roxas watched her openly. "I never thought we _did_ act like them. That's what makes us different, right?"

Olette made that noise again with a twisted expression to match. It seemed so foreign to him. It made him wonder when the last time he'd actually had a serious conversation with her was, if ever. Olette was the bookworm, the peacekeeper. She was quiet, and it didn't really surprise him that she internalized a lot of her deep thoughts. It was hardly like he could judge; he did the same thing. But what had caused her to snap now? Then she sighed, the moment broken.

"It's Hayner," she blurted out, and as the dam broke, the two began to walk again. "I don't know what's wrong with him today. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's always been a little intense…"

Roxas laughed. "That's the polite way of putting it."

While they were on the topic, sometimes Roxas wondered what it was that was holding Hayner back. He was certainly ambitious enough to be one of the in-crowd. He aspired to be better than everyone else, better than those at the top. He was pretty outspoken, but he was a take-charge kind of guy. In all honesty, no one in their little group ever argued with him if only because it was too much effort to try to dispute anything he said. Hayner had found his little niche in their school society with the outcasts, but he was never as content with being at the bottom as the rest of them were.

"Yeah, well, today he just snapped. I don't even know why. One minute I was talking to Pence, and the next Hayner comes around the corner, and anyone could tell he was in a bad mood."

Hayner never had been one to hide his emotions. Or anything, for that matter. He was who he was, take it or leave it. This wasn't necessarily a bad quality to have, but it could definitely get in the way of making friends. Now that Olette had started, her story was all coming out in a rush.

"He asked what we were talking about, and Pence told him it was nothing important, because it wasn't! I was just helping Pence look over his homework, like always. But that only seemed to make him even angrier. So he was all, 'Oh, keeping secrets now, are we?' And Pence told him to relax, and then Hayner snapped at him to not be so critical of him when he obviously had his own faults." She paused to suck in a breath. Her voice had risen a few, nearly hysterical octaves. "So I told him to knock it off, because he was behaving like a jerk. And he just gave me this look, like, 'whose side are you on?' Then he was all, 'Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted,' and he just stormed off. Then all Pence wanted to do was talk about how awful Hayner was being and try to figure out why. And I told him that if Hayner didn't want to talk about it, it was none of our business, but Pence kept pushing…"

Roxas startled a little as he realized that the girl had tears in her eyes.

"I just couldn't take it, Roxas. I don't want to be like _them_. I don't want to have to constantly be suspicious of what you're all doing and wonder who my real friends are because we can't work out some petty problem in a civil manner."

When he just looked at her, a little dumbfounded, she smiled and wiped at her eyes.

"Gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to whine so much. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now with your group therapy starting and everything."

He reflexively blushed and looked away as she continued, "I'm not asking you to talk about it, Roxas. I know you don't like to. But we're worried about you. You're always so secretive, and we can tell you don't like going to group even if you don't talk about it. We just want to make sure you're alright." She sighed, and looked down. "I really am sorry for talking your ear off. It's just… sometimes, I have to wake up and realize that we're not really as close as I'd like to pretend we are, and… well, it's never a welcome wake-up call."

Roxas stood there, still lost for words until Olette excused herself so she wouldn't be late for class. He jumped when he heard a somewhat familiar giggle behind him. He turned to see Kairi watching him with an almost sympathetic smile. He could tell that she'd caught at least the end of their conversation, and was beginning to regret asking Olette what was wrong, awful as it might seem.

"Sometimes I wonder if I was like that," she said wistfully. "You know, whether I was that girl falling apart trying to deal with all the stupid drama, or if I was the one creating all the problems."

If her words were an attempt to make him feel any less uncomfortable, it didn't work. He just stared at her, briefly wondering if she'd been following him, listening along to the entire conversation. Kairi reminded him a little of a mischievous, fairytale imp at times. The warning bell sounded and the hallway began to clear a little more rapidly, but neither of them moved. _Was Kairi the type to skip class?_ he wondered. He could see it. Maybe she was just trying to figure it out for herself. 

"Well, anyway, I'm sorry your friends aren't getting along."

This made him laugh a little. It was just so... blasé. "You say that like it's not such a big deal."

Kairi shrugged, laughing along. "Well, it's not really. Once Hayner realizes that you and your other friend aren't into Olette in that way, things'll calm down."

Once again, Roxas was thrown for a loop that day. He knew the girl could be nosy, but just how closely did Kairi watch them during their casual interactions? (Studying them to make sense of normal high school life?) "What?" he exclaimed, taken aback. "What makes you think _that's_ the problem?" And honestly, a crush gone wrong? Were some problems really that simple?

Kairi winked, giggling again. "Just trust me on this," she said before skipping off, gone as quickly as she'd arrived.

Roxas watched her go before he sighed. Dealing with all this 'stupid drama' as she'd put it was exhausting. Maybe that's why he didn't fit in. He gave up on others too easily. He just didn't have the energy to try to make everyone happy.

**………...**

As it turned out, Roxas wasn't the only Strife brother Kairi ended up comforting that day. If comforting was the right word... At lunch, she and Sora sat a little apart from everyone else, at the next table. Close enough to observe but not to interact. She rubbed his back sympathetically while he buried his face in his arms on the table, but she still had that little, lighthearted half-smile on her face, as if everyone else's problems were some sort of personal movie for her to watch.

"I can't believe I did something so stupid," muttered mournfully. "We never hold grudges. _Never_."

The story of the twins' fight had come spilling out, which had led him to explaining the other argument they'd had recently.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," she replied. It was hard for Kairi to seem truly supportive when she always sounded too lighthearted to really care, but at least she was trying.

Sora sighed and picked his head up. "I _am_ worried about Riku, though," he murmured.

"Why? What's wrong with Riku? I mean... apart from all the usual things."

This, of course, resulted in Sora telling the rest of his story. About the bruises and the other boy's fight. Kairi quietly stared at him for a long time afterwards. Then, she began to look worried too, the playful grin slipping off her face for the first time that day. Her face paled, and she shivered.

"That's impossible," she whispered, starting to feel the beginnings of real fear. Grounding her a little as she remembered that she was dealing with real problems here. "I heard Riku talking to Aerith earlier that day. I left to go get some air after because I didn't want to be rude or anything, but… Riku's already been suspended for at least the past week already."

This time it was Sora staring back at Kairi in horror, not sure he was completely comprehending her words as his fears were realized. His stomach flopped and his knees felt weak even though he was sitting down. The two locked eyes for a moment, equal amounts of fear in each expression. Maybe he was jumping to the worst possible conclusions, but if Riku hadn't been fighting with another _kid_... Sora had a sneaking suspicion he knew why the older boy was so tense and secretive all the time. And the possibility made him sick.

"I gotta go," he got out before nearly running out of the cafeteria.

**………...**

"Roxas!"

He turned when he heard the voice calling his name, and he stopped abruptly when he noticed Naminé waving to him. He'd just walked out of the school after unsuccessfully trying to find his brother. For the billionth time that day, he could only stare. His day had become a whirl of other people's problems. Where the hell had all the logic in his life gone? He could not think of a single reason the blond girl before him should be standing outside his school, or even in his town for that matter. Hell, she could have shown up inside his house and he wouldn't have been more bewildered.

"Naminé…" he said slowly, determined not to snap yet again, though his patience was waning. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," she said lightly, "we never really got the chance to hang out like we were supposed to. I know this wasn't really planned, and I understand if you're busy, but I _would_ like to talk to you. Without the rest of the group listening."

For a moment he just stared at her dumbly. "Uh, yeah," he stumbled out at last. "I mean, no, I'm not busy, and I'd love to hang out with you."

Not totally true. He knew he should be looking for Sora right about now, but he couldn't bring himself to turn her away. She beamed and he was left dumbstruck again. Dressed all in white, her blonde hair shining in the sunlight… the girl looked more angelic than ever. His heart jumped when she lightly touched his shoulder. He tried to remind himself how effortlessly he'd seen those angelic qualities fade from her appearance in the past.

"Awesome. Why don't we take a walk?"

"Uh, yeah… sounds great. So what's up?" he asked when they began walking. Their street really wasn't _that_ far, and Twlight Town wasn't exactly huge. He could walk home. Maybe a bus ride alone would give Sora some time to clear his head as well.

"I'm not sure exactly," she answered honestly. "It's just… you intrigue me."

"Me?" He nearly scoffed at the idea. They were surrounded, twice a week, by much more volatile company, and _he_ was the one she chose to focus on?

"Yes, you," she said, laughing, a pretty, musical sound. "You're different." Her voice quieted and she got an almost sad look in her eyes. "I can tell you know what it's like to be taken advantage of by someone you trusted. Loved even."

Once again, Roxas found himself trying to claw his way out of this conversation today. Her words couldn't be more ironic, no matter how innocently she'd meant them to sound. He suddenly got the feeling that Naminé had another agenda here. She was looking at him a little too intensely for his liking. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled, almost beginning to sound impatient.

"I know," she said hurriedly, trying to salvage this meeting, fearing that it was already too late. "And I understand that it's hard, but they aren't kidding when they say it helps to talk. Yes, it hurts too, but it does help. You're suffocating in a pit right now, Roxas, and the only way to climb out is to let all the memories that are weighing you down out ahead of you. Share them with someone who can help you. It doesn't haven't to be me, but please, I hate to see you hurting like this."

He longed to ask why she cared so much about his well-being, but he was finding it hard to get the words out at the moment. And her expression pained when she noticed how measured his breathing had become.

"Oh, Roxas," she murmured, almost brokenheartedly. She reached her fingers up to brush tears away from his eyes that he hadn't even noticed were there.

He flinched away, and when he spoke, his voice was shaking. "Look, I'm not strong like you, okay? I know you're trying to help, but I just can't."

And then he did what cowards like him did best, and he ran.

**………...**

Roxas's thoughts were a jumbled mess as he sprinted home, his backpack bouncing uncomfortably against his back. He was so confused. He hated it! He wanted to be close to Naminé; he couldn't get close. He wanted everything to be all right with his friends; he didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with their problems along with his own. He wanted desperately to be able to talk about his mother… and he just wanted to forget.

As he reached his front door, he realized that what he'd said to Naminé wasn't completely true. How could it be, when he found himself longing, just once, to be the weak one? He desperately wanted to be the one who could express all his feelings properly, to be able to break down and not have to worry that his twin, his best friend, would fall apart the second he did. Roxas loved his brother to death, but he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to go on being strong enough for both of them. Hell, he could barely hold himself up lately. He was going to go insane.

Unfortunately, his much-needed moment of weakness was not to be. When he burst through the door, he found Sora, pacing the foyer.

"There you are!" his twin exclaimed as soon as he saw him. "Where were you?"

Roxas tried to school his features to appear normal. It was a bit of a safety measure for himself. If he didn't _look_ like anything was wrong, then he couldn't feel hurt later when he realized that Sora hadn't asked what was wrong. And he knew his brother wouldn't ask. For there was clearly something else going on. Sora didn't even wait for an answer.

"Look, I need you to cover for me when Cloud and Leon get back."

Roxas blinked at him, not comprehending. "What? Why? Where are you going?"

Sora bit his lower lip nervously. "I can't tell you."

Again, Roxas just looked at him. "You want a favor… and you can't even tell me what's going on?" He held back his second question. _Since when is there anything you can't tell me?_

" _Please_ , Rox," Sora begged. "I need you to trust me. I'll owe you."

"You don't have to owe me." Roxas was caving, just as they'd both known he would. Sora flung his arms around his brother to show his gratitude and Roxas whispered, "Just promise me you'll be safe."

**………...**

Sora slowly made his way to the outskirts of the neighboring town. Dusk was approaching, and he was starting to feel even more uneasy. Before he'd left, he'd given his brother an extra long hug… but he hadn't made any promises. Now, he was becoming more relieved by the second that he hadn't.

After lunch, he'd gone to great lengths in the library looking up Riku's address. He was beginning to really appreciate Kairi's company. She did quite a bit of detective work on her own, even though there was nothing in it for her. He got the feeling this knowledge should have also worried him a bit, but he highly doubted Kairi was plotting anything hurtful with his information. It turned out she'd been drawn in by Riku as well. The boy lived in a very secluded area of the woods in the next town over.

Sora hurried his step a little when he caught sight of the house. It was more of a cottage really, made of dull gray bricks and almost hidden amongst the trees. He could have sworn he heard something smash inside the house as he was approaching, but he told himself he was imagining things and knocked on the door anyway.

There was unintelligible shouting from the inside before the door was flung open by Riku himself. Sora couldn't hold back the gasp as his mouth fell open. The older boy looked awful. He was much paler than he should have been, even by Riku's standards, and the circles under his eyes were nearly glowing against the unhealthy pallor of his skin. He clearly hadn't been sleeping well. But most troubling of all were the bruises Sora spotted on his upper arms and the tiny cut across his left cheek.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Riku hissed, his usual glare and harsh tone in place. But in Sora's silence, something inside of him seemed to wilt. The metaphorical cat was most certainly out of the bag now, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Just go home, Sora," he whispered in a defeated, pleading tone that Sora had never heard out of the boy. Had never wanted to hear out of the boy.

He didn't get a chance to respond before Riku slammed the door in his face to return to the hell that lay inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? It's not just Roxas I torture. There's plenty of angst to go around! And wow, is it just me or does everyone feel like a selfish jerk in this chapter?


	10. The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we're back for another warning with the tags. I will say it does not go far enough to call it a true 'Attempt', but this chapter does add the 'Suicidal Thoughts' tag to the mix. Once again, it's near the very end, at the beginning of the section where we switch to focus on Axel. 
> 
> (Oh, and 'Arson' too. As well as 'Implied/Referenced Drug Use'. You know, all the fun tags... And I still feel like there's probably a tag I'm missing. Feel free to let me know.)

As soon as his brother left, Roxas wanted nothing more than to flop down on his bed and think about absolutely nothing, to let his mind go blissfully blank, maybe even to fall asleep. Today had been such a whirlwind, what with his conflict with Sora and then his almost conflict with Naminé added onto whatever problem was currently tearing into his little group of friends. And he was exhausted. The day had played on his emotions and his willpower, not to mention his sanity, and he felt so far beyond caring about _anything_ that he wasn't sure he had it in him to deal with anything else. And now he had to cover for Sora.

As it was, Roxas didn't even make it as far as his bedroom. He climbed the stairs, dumped his bag on the couch, and then spread out on the floor like he was making a snow angel. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, staring at the ceiling, very aware of how pathetic his current circumstances made him look. A little part of him experienced a brief moment of panic, wondering if he was going under again, so soon, but he quickly quieted it. He hadn't gotten any better at expressing his emotions, but he didn't feel numb, just tired.

Just as he closed his eyes, the front door slammed shut. Roxas didn't move a muscle, not even to open his eyes, hoping it was Sora already returning from whatever crazy scheme he'd put together this time. But this hope was quickly dashed when a voice rang out through the entry hall. A feminine voice that most definitely did not belong to his brother.

"Helloooo? Anybody home?"

It was Yuffie. She must have spotted his shoes by the door. He cursed his own lack of foresight. He didn't know if he could handle her energy right now.

The sound of her climbing the stairs reached his ears and he finally opened his eyes with a sigh. She reached the top and he turned his head to take in her bright smile, never having felt more apathetic in his life.

Yuffie didn't even question his current predicament. Roxas clearly being the only one home, she chose to join him on the floor of the living room, resting on her stomach, her chin on her hands as she looked down at the boy. He couldn't help but think that it made her look even younger than she usually did. And she was already practically Cloud and Leon's third child sometimes.

"What's wrong, kid?" Her eyes hadn't lost their girlish shine, but she seemed sympathetic and ready to listen. And if you could tie Yuffie down and get her to sit still long enough to actually listen to you speak, well, you'd better be prepared to answer her questions.

"I don't know," he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in an agitation that he couldn't explain. Logically, he knew he should be too exhausted to feel anything, right? But actual human contact had brought every emotion of the day and then some rushing back. It was like Yuffie had transferred her own energy over to him; he was struck by a sudden burst of adrenaline. Roxas knew well enough that he was bad with emotions. He didn't want to blow up at another person he cared about today. Which was why he thought it so unfortunate that Yuffie, having sniffed out a problem, would not be leaving any time soon.

"No?"

"It's nothing," he forced out, hoping she would take the cue and waltz out of there as easily as she'd let herself in. No such luck.

Yuffie rolled her eyes, unrelenting. "Yeah, sure. Because 'nothing' justifies you lying on the floor here, looking like you do."

Roxas felt anger well up, and thoughts of Naminé rushed through his head. Why did everyone feel so damn entitled to help him? What made them think they could change anything that was wrong with his life?

Suddenly, he was on his feet, pacing the incredibly small-feeling room with a fervor that surprised even Yuffie, who usually did things more manically than anyone.

"What are we doing that's going to make any difference!?" he exclaimed at last, a wild anger in his eyes. "Even if you could get us all to sit around in a circle and talk about our feelings and our fucked up childhoods like civil human beings- _which we won't!_ \- it's not gonna change a goddamn thing! So what if we can have some sort of safe haven? When we walk out of there, nothing has changed! Naminé still has to live with the memory of being raped, Kairi's still floating around in a life that she doesn't remember. And our mother is still a fucking lunatic!"

Roxas stopped, breathing heavily. Albeit slowly, Yuffie had gotten to her feet as well. It was hard to read the look she was giving him. If not scared, she seemed worried, but contemplative too. Yuffie didn't scare easily, but Roxas could just imagine how insane he must seem right about now. Suddenly, the room, no, the entire structure of the house, seemed unbearably stifling.

He turned on his heel and nearly skidded down the stairs, putting on his shoes and opening the door seemingly all in one movement. "I'm taking a walk," he called to Yuffie before bolting out the door.

Roxas wasn't much of a runner. He wasn't the type to exercise as a way to blow off steam. But he broke away from his street at a trot that turned into a sprint. By the time he got to the main streets of Twilight Town he had settled into a steady jog. Roxas wasn't terribly out of shape, per se, but gym class had never been the highlight of his life. He was committed to doing his required two years and then getting out, for reasons that were all too clear now. His breath was coming in uneven gasps and a not-so-dull ache had begun in many of his muscles, but today he took advantage of this. Having to focus on not suffocating due to his own exertion kept him from contemplating the long, confusing day he had just survived.

Vaguely, he wondered if this was how healthy people dealt with their problems. He tried to take in as many deep breaths as possible in an effort to clear his mind and calm his raging emotions. So long ago, as children, when they'd been almost obligatory members of Cloud's martial arts lessons, they'd learned one breathing technique after another. Their fathers had never come right out and said it, but Roxas knew they were supposed to help whenever one of the twins got caught up in the lingering emotions from their ordeal. He wasn't sure why those lessons had stopped, exactly. Slowly, he and his brother had just drifted into their own ways of coping. If you could consider it coping.

When he had finally passed the last shop before Twilight Town turned into apartment complexes, Roxas slowed. He worked to continue on, dragging his feet, instead of simply stopping and falling to his butt in the street as he tried to catch his breath.

He lived in a pretty secluded neighborhood, but there was very little about his hometown that he didn't know. One side was filled with upscale homes. This was where Naminé lived. Most of the kids from that neighborhood attended Oblivion Heights, the fancy private academy on the edge of town. Roxas was walking through the other half of town, through some of the poorer neighborhoods.

Subconsciously, he seemed to be moving in the direction of the old mansion where he now attended his therapy sessions. There was a section that was considered the edge of Twilight Town… and then the old mansion, which was even farther out beyond that point.

Roxas wasn't really thinking as he slipped away from Twilight Town, into the surrounding woods. He'd already gone a lot farther than he'd intended for a walk meant to help him cool down, but the only thoughts in his mind consisted of the need to keep moving. Maybe Sora was right. Though he would never outright say something so cruel, maybe having to block everything out and go numb just to deal with your problems _was_ pathetic. But right now, it was all he had.

Eventually, Roxas came to a point where the path split. One road was familiar- it would take him up to the old mansion. The other led outwards, towards an old district that was now nothing more than abandoned warehouses. To the extent of his knowledge, the area hadn't been used for anything in a long time, though Leon had mentioned something about an arsonist targeting some of the old buildings. But Roxas wasn't thinking that the old district might be occupied. He wasn't really thinking all. The only thoughts that registered in his mind were those that pointed out that the trek to the mansion would be an uphill one, and he'd had enough exercise for the time being.

So Roxas headed in the other direction. There is something to be said for chance, or fate, or luck. Perhaps there is just something to be said for coincidences. For had the boy been more alert, it is possible that he would have simply turned around and avoided the spectacle altogether.

But, as it was, Roxas was _not_ making this journey with a clear head. He did not notice the thick smoke billowing from the burning warehouse until it was right in front of him.

And here was where chance came in. Or maybe it _was_ luck or fate. For when Roxas broke into a run again, it wasn't back in the direction he had just come.

**………...**

It wasn't often that Axel found himself with a lit cigarette in his hand. At least, he hadn't for some time. The red-headed boy wasn't sure what exactly it was that had set him off this time.

Whatever the reason, here he stood now, in one of the many old warehouses. His stance was casual enough as he stood, smoking, in the middle of the room. Sawdust coated the floor in the haphazard trails he'd dumped the bags. The smell of spilled gasoline permeated everything and burned a sharper path down his throat than the smoke did. A more insistent feeling than any other.

No. …That was a lie. There was an aching in his chest that had nothing to do with the smoke he was inhaling into his lungs. A part of him, a small part at least, was perfectly aware of what had set him off this time, the significance of this date. Two years. Two fucking _years_.

The cigarette quivered in his hand. Everything healed in time, right? That was the message countless therapists had spent the last two years shoving down his throat, anyway.

So why wasn't he any better? Two years was a long time. Unbearably long, it sometimes seemed. Was it him? Was he simply broken beyond repair?

His breath caught in his throat. What if there was no end to this pain? What if he was doomed to live like this forever? He wasn't sure he could do it. And, really, why should he try? One face flashed across his mind and his breath hitched again.

What was the point of the constant struggle, he wondered, if there _was_ no light at the end of the tunnel? His light had been extinguished. The face flashed across his mind again, and something occurred to him that he felt should have been obvious from the beginning. If there truly was a distinguishable line between life and death… well, it seemed that there had always been more for him on the other side. Especially so now. Because, really, given the chance, who would bother to stop him?

Without warning, he arched his arm back and let the lit cigarette fly from his hand. For just a moment, it felt as if the entire world were holding its breath. Then the gasoline-covered sawdust caught fire, and Axel watched the flames spring up around him.

He was reminded again of how exhilarating the sight was. Arson was a tricky business. Luckily, his early burns hadn't been too bad. He'd been able to get away relatively unscathed and still learn how to time his little escapades. He knew how long he could watch up close and when the time had come to retreat and view the rest from a distance.

Once, the heat rising around him had brought a sort of release. Now, it only added to the pain. He was all too aware of the way his vision blurred, the way real tears cascaded down over the tattooed ones below his eyes.

"What now, Demyx?" His voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Are you happy now?"

Axel may not have smoked often, usually only for the purpose of setting such fires, but he was no stranger to it. And when the kids at his school had offered him something… sweeter, well, who was he to refuse? But he could honestly say that he had never felt as trippy as he did when, at that moment, the little blond kid from his therapy group burst into the burning building.

The flames were starting to grow higher, a thicker, unwelcome smoke beginning to fill his lungs. This was around the time that Axel would have begun to question his decision to end it… if he hadn't been too busy staring, dumbstruck at the idiot who had just rushed, completely unprotected, into the burning warehouse.

A second later, Roxas tackled him to the ground. This only served to confuse the older boy more, until a tower of crates crumbled, their burning debris landing right where he'd been standing. It was this sight that finally brought him to his senses. He may have been a royal fuck-up, but he was not a murderer. He figured he could be as reckless with his own life as he damn well pleased, but he was not about to take some kid he didn't even know- some kid who had just so foolishly saved his life- with him.

A second later, Axel was on his feet and tugging Roxas, none too gently, up with him. He didn't try to speak. The early crackle of the flames had turned into an all-out roar. Roxas never would have heard him. The two fought their way through the building, back towards the entrance, smaller fires shooting up around them. Axel could barely see through the smoke, so he aimed towards the direction from which Roxas had come.

There was a surreal quality to everything when they finally broke through the doorway and into clean, well, cleaner, air. This feeling was only intensified when the fire blew up behind them, effectively blocking the doorway. 'Right in the nick of time' didn't even begin to describe it.

Axel bent over, struggling to breathe. The second he let go of Roxas's arm, the younger boy fell, spluttering, to his hands and knees.

"What were you thinking?" he shouted. "What the _fuck_ were you thinking?!"

At least, this is what Axel assumed he was trying to say. It was a little hard to tell when the words were battling with the harsh coughing and choking sounds erupting from the younger boy's throat.

They both froze as the sound of sirens reached their ears, cutting through the sound of the collapsing building behind them.

Really, Axel didn't see too many options. So he did the most logical thing. He clamped a hand around Roxas's arm again and took off to find safety in the woods, dragging the other boy along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're moving right along now...


	11. The Flood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought of this chapter and the last one as a sort of turning point in this story-- where the characters are first starting to make real connections with each other. And for once-- possibly the last time for a while-- I don't have to add any specific trigger warnings for this chapter! So that's exciting.

Sora felt bad about asking his brother to cover for him. Really, he did! His guilt just wasn't at the forefront of his mind right now.

He shivered. Creeping out to the little cottage in the middle of the woods that Riku called home was, well, _creepy_ the first time. Returning now, the place felt downright ominous. But he couldn't leave things between him and Riku the way they were. It just wasn't in his nature to abandon someone when they so clearly needed help.

He'd obediently retreated after Riku had slammed the door in his face. He'd hidden a little up the hill in the shady woods until the sun had begun to set, leaving him squinting in the darkness, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to go home yet. There had been distinctive shouting for a few minutes- no amount of optimism could disguise that tone. But now, the little clearing seemed to be at peace. ...Or, about as peaceful as it ever got.

Sora made his way back down the hill carefully, but the place was eerily silent now. There wasn't even enough wind to rustle the leaves on the branches overhead. This time, he didn't make it as far as the front door. Riku must have been watching from the inside because he rushed out before Sora got the chance to come any closer.

"Are you deaf, or just stupid?" Riku demanded as soon as the other boy was in hearing distance, coming right up to push him back a little further. "What part of 'stay away' is so hard to understand?"

"I couldn't stay away," answered Sora, as if that should have been obvious. "Not once I knew something was wrong."

The silver-haired boy seemed to deflate a little, though he clearly wanted to hold onto his intensity. This anger was what kept him going when everything else failed. Sora could see that clearly now. Like Axel's aloofness or Namine's poise. He'd come to realize these parts were very... put-on. Riku glanced almost anxiously back towards the house, but there was still no movement inside. Sora had arrived prepared for that familiar anger, but Riku was snappishly irritated at worst. If anything, he looked even more exhausted than before.

"There's nothing you can do." Riku's words were so soft they were almost inaudible.

"You could tell someone," Sora suggested, equally quiet. Desperation was edging into his tone. He couldn't stand to see Riku looking so… defeated.

Riku's eyes flashed, a sudden burst of life. "Don't you think I've _tried_ that?" He glanced back at the house again and lowered his voice. "Clearly, it didn't work. If it had, I wouldn't still be here. And you shouldn't be either."

"Please," Sora continued, begging against circumstance. "There has to be _something_ I can do to help."

For a moment, he seriously considered pulling the lawyer father card. He hated taking advantage of someone else's skills or position for his own needs-- it was a trait he and Roxas shared. Ten years of Cloud's teachings on earning everything you were given in life had instilled this feeling in them about as permanently as if his words had been a tattoo gun. But wasn't this a worthy reason to bend the rules?

The strangest sound broke into his thoughts. Laughter. Riku was _laughing_. Granted, they were more like subdued, defeated chuckles, but the fact that the small smile on Riku's face could exist at all was enough to give Sora hope.

"You know, kid, you're really… persistent," he settled on at last.

Sora couldn't stop himself from smiling back, genuine and bright. "Hey, what are friends for, right?"

Riku opened his mouth as if he was about to protest but then sighed resignedly. "Yeah, I guess."

He turned to go back inside, and Sora didn't stop him. He wasn't about to give up-- not by a long shot-- but he couldn't help being content with how this meeting had ended. He would be back, and he planned to get to the bottom of what was going on in that house. But for now, Riku's acceptance of their friendship was enough.

**………...**

Roxas was always the one people associated with being contemplative, but Sora's walk home was a thoughtful one. He decided that the world was an even stranger place than he'd given it credit for. He found it odd that he could feel so satisfied after a conversation that had solved almost nothing.

' _Yeah, I guess.'_

Was that the same as agreeing to be friends? Sora figured it was about as close as he'd get, when it came to the surly silver-haired boy. It wasn't much… but it gave him hope. He was at peace.

Until he got home, anyway.

The second he opened the door, Cloud and Leon jumped up from where they'd been sitting on the couch. They'd crossed the room and were standing at the top of the stairs by the time their son had kicked off his shoes in the hall. Sora felt a sinking in the pit of his stomach at the looks on their faces. He got the feeling something had gone horribly wrong with his cover. And yet, he couldn't imagine Roxas breaking his promise out of spite.

"Where have you two been?!" Leon demanded.

"Um…" Sora closed the door behind him, unsure how to answer. _'We?'_

"Sora," said Cloud slowly, and his expression reminded Sora of all the times he and Roxas had been forced to do breathing exercises as children to learn to control their tempers. True, it hadn't been often, but the memories had stuck. "Where is your brother?"

Sora's ears were buzzing at the question. He had to work hard not to blurt out something stupid. Wasn't Roxas _here_?

It was going to be a long night.

**………...**

If possible, Roxas was having an even worse night. His lungs continued to burn as he ran blindly after Axel. They seemed to be on some sort of wayward path, so he had to hope they weren't getting themselves irreversibly lost.

At least, he hoped this until Axel stopped suddenly, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, and turned on him.

"What the hell were you doing back there?!"

"Me?!" Roxas immediately snapped back, breathing harshly. " _I_ should be asking _that_ question! What's wrong with you?!"

This probably wasn't the ideal way to speak to someone who'd been prepared to burn to death not ten minutes before, but those thoughts would come in hindsight. Right now, he was beyond reason.

Axel snorted cruelly. "Where to start?"

Roxas sat down heavily on a nearby boulder. As he looked around, he saw that there were a lot of rocks nearby. They had ventured off the crude path, veered toward a shallow stream. It was a nice little clearing... if anyone knew how to get here. And he got the feeling that no but Axel did. He could imagine the older boy needing an isolated place to cool down, and he got the feeling, even though Axel had brought him here, that he was infringing on something private. Roxas pushed those thoughts away, watching his guide. Axel had walked over to this stream, hands in his pockets, staring down at the running water.

"He died today," he said at last. "Well, two years ago today."

For a moment, Roxas had absolutely no idea what Axel was talking about, figuring the other boy had finally gone off the deep end. Then it hit him.

"...Your cousin?"

Axel chuckled darkly and Roxas noticed, with an awkward sort of horror, that his eyes had clouded with tears. "No. He wasn't my cousin. That's just how my parents explained him away when someone saw us together. Demyx-" His voice caught on the name and the tears began to run unhindered. "Demyx was my boyfriend."

Roxas shifted slightly, unsure what to do. The fact that Axel was gay hardly made him uncomfortable-- he'd lived with Cloud and Leon far too long for that. But Demyx being Axel's boyfriend did change the story a bit.

The red-haired boy's head was bent, tears running past the tear-shaped tattoos and dripping from his face. He had taken his hands out of his pockets to clench them tightly at his sides. His entire body shook with grief.

"My parents hated it," he got out, sounding a little amused at the memory even in the midst of his misery. "They wouldn't shut up about how their only son was tarnishing their reputation. It was the first time they'd really acknowledged me in a long time. But that's not why I was with him. Demyx… He was always so happy. When I was with him, whenever he said my name... it was like it actually meant something. Like _I_ meant something. I wasn't just another spoiled brat at some rich kids' school. He was my _light_."

Roxas winced, thinking of Sora. Where would he be if his brother died? Probably trying to kill himself in an abandoned warehouse, he acknowledged at once.

"I'm sorry," Roxas tried to amend lamely. "About what I said…"

Axel shrugged as if to show that it didn't matter, roughly wiping the tears from his cheeks. "I guess Naminé was right… I just needed someone who'd listen."

Roxas wasn't sure whether to feel exasperated or not. "Don't tell me, she's been hounding you about expressing your feelings, too?"

Axel smiled and rolled his watery eyes. "Yeah."

He sat down on a rock closer to the water and Roxas repositioned himself to face him head on. "Well, now that we're already here... I'm all ears."

Axel nodded slowly, gently tracing one of his scars with his forefinger. "Two years ago… We got out of school for spring break early. They were doing reservations on the school or something. Demyx's aunt has a house up north. She let us go up there and hang out during all our school vacations... Whenever we had the time and needed to get away from home for a while... There was this big pond… It kind of became our place."

Roxas nodded sympathetically as Axel's features contorted with grief and he broke off again amidst a fresh wave of tears.

"Do you know what it's like," he said, inhaling shakily, "to find the love of your life and then lose him before you've even gotten the chance to see what you could have been?"

Roxas didn't even need to answer that. Of course he didn't. He waited while Axel composed himself enough to finish the story.

"That year… they'd had a really late winter up there. There were still patches of ice on the lake here and there… We had this… tradition, I guess you'd call it. On the first night there… We'd go to bed early and set our alarms for midnight. Then we'd force ourselves out of bed and go swimming. It sounds crazy… but it was exhilarating."

Axel gave his expression over to a small smile before his eyes clouded again.

"I _told_ him it was a stupid idea when he woke me up that night…  I went back to bed. But Demyx went anyway. The neighbor across the pond found his body the next morning."

Tale finished, Roxas's eyes sought the ground, an unpleasant lump rising in his throat. Axel had laid out the facts so simply, but he had started to feel like he really knew Demyx. A cheerful, reckless teenager who had probably felt like as much of an outcast as Roxas at one point or another. Maybe his parents were homophobic, like Axel's. Maybe the lake house had been his escape too. Had he been on a high built off of happiness the night he died? Had he planned to rush in and come back, spraying Axel awake with cold pond water? Had he gotten out there and decided to stay a while, a playful 'I told you so' that would never come?

There was a sharp intake of breath as Roxas realized tears had sprung to his eyes as well.

"I should have been there," Axel choked out, eyes closed in a grimace. He was hunched over on himself, his arms wrapped around his torso protectively. The words sounded like they were tearing themselves out of his very core. "Demyx-hic- meant so much to me… And I couldn't even wake up long enough to convince him not to go! I should have gone after him!"

It was heartbreaking to watch someone so strong fall to pieces. "You would have drowned too," he protested so quietly he almost couldn't hear himself.

"I wish I had!" Roxas's chest tightened as Axel continued through his sobs. "Demyx was so… _alive_. He didn't deserve to die!"

"No, but neither do you."

Axel looked up suddenly with the darkest expression Roxas had seen in a long time. "Why? No one would miss me."

"That's not true. I would."

It was a bold statement, met by silence. The blond had to wonder how he'd gotten sucked into this position. With the exception of his brother, he wasn't the comforting type. But for fuck's sake, he hadn't just rescued this boy from a burning warehouse for nothing!

Axel stared at him for a moment longer before chuckling again. As if he found all this talk about his own suicide attempt _funny_.

He rose suddenly, and there was an uncanny tone of gratitude in his words.

"Come on. It's getting late."

**………...**

Leon was pissed. Cloud was pissed. And when Cloud was pissed, they knew things were serious.

Roxas saw no silver lining to this dilemma. They were so royally screwed, it wasn't even funny. There was no better side to appeal to. So when his parents had demanded to know where the hell he'd been and Roxas couldn't give them an answer… Well, what could he do besides asking them to trust him?

Leon told him that he _did_ trust him. And also that he'd just brutally fucked over that trust. Roxas wished he was paraphrasing there. Usually, he appreciated how blunt Leon tended to be with them. But it didn't make him feel terribly mature that night...

And then they'd grounded both of them. For a month. No exceptions, not even if the house was burning down around them. Which Roxas didn't find very funny after the night he'd just had.

He was laying in bed afterwards, staring up at the ceiling, when Sora crept in. He'd been expecting his brother. They were due for a heavy conversation. He didn't say a word when Sora slid into bed beside him. Cloud and Leon used to find them like this all the time when they were younger. They lay awake in silence for a few minutes. Roxas supposed he should be grateful Sora didn't seem upset about having his own cover blown.

But the dam couldn't hold forever. And when it broke, Sora listened with wide eyes while the story of Axel and Demyx poured out. He didn't say anything when it was done. What was there to say, really? All Roxas knew was that he'd never had a more exhausting day in his life. And _that_ was saying something.

"What about you?"

Sora's eyes were sad. "I went to go see Riku today."

"Yeah?" Roxas didn't even have it left in him to scold Sora for being reckless and impulsive. Frankly, he'd been expecting as much.

"Yeah… Rox… His dad, or his stepdad, or _whoever_ it is… he still hits him." Sora's eyes were bright with tears, his voice choked up. "I don't know what to _do_."

Roxas held him for a while as Sora gasped out, "I can't… I can't imagine any parent consciously hurting their kid. I mean… at least ours did what they did because they loved us, right?"

His brother held him tighter, knowing he was also reliving those final dark days in the hotel.

"Yeah," Roxas murmured. "At least there's that."


	12. The Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain a scene with self-harm-- when it switches over to the brief section focusing on Axel, after Roxas runs out of school-- but it's not graphic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie... This chapter is leading up to something big... but it feels kind of shaky. One of those chapters where I can tell I knew what points I wanted to get out but wasn't entirely sure on how I was going to go about getting the characters there. I tried to clean it up a little, but...

Recent events may have shed some doubt on this fact, but it was actually pretty rare for the twins to be grounded. The weekend was a dull one. In fact, the whole next week in general was fairly uneventful. Unfortunately, 'uneventful' did not always mean 'peaceful.'

Each day, the boys would get up in the morning, go about their usual routine, spend the day at school, and then come home and mope about the house for the remainder of the afternoon, occasionally doing schoolwork. But the monotony was not what was getting to Roxas the most. No, what bothered him more than anything else was the constant look of worried frustration on his brother's face. He knew without having to be told that Sora was thinking about Riku.

It certainly was a troubling situation, and Roxas couldn't say that it hadn't been on his mind, too. There was something that just didn't add up. There was no doubt in his mind that Sora was right-- he believed that there was still something very dark going on in Riku's life. But something didn't make sense.

What had brought the silver-haired boy to therapy in the first place if not a new, kinder foster family? He couldn't imagine the man he pictured to be Riku's father worrying over his son's wellbeing enough to enroll him in counseling sessions meant to right the wrongs he himself had inflicted.

Trying to puzzle it out made his head spin, and Roxas found that there were other things preoccupying his thoughts as well. Other things that he had just the slightest bit more power over. He hated to admit it, but he was worried about Axel. He'd never thought the day would come when he'd consider the older boy a friend. Now the idea wasn't quite so repulsive.

The night he'd saved Axel, heard the story of Demyx, Roxas had dreamt of drowning. He'd then spent the first moments after he'd awoken seeing flames dancing on his walls. It hadn't been a very pleasant experience, but this was the first time he could remember his dreams being occupied by anything other than their time with their mother. He'd replaced one trauma for another and wasn't sure how he should feel about this development. The way both of these problems made his head spin left him searching for something else... Though he wasn't certain at that point how literal this sensation was. 

**...……...**

The end of their second week under house arrest was coming to a close when he found it. He hadn't been snooping per se… Or, at least, he hadn't walked into the room _intending_ to snoop.

It was Monday morning. He had reached his breaking point, so he thought. If he had to watch his brother looking so forlorn for one more day, he was going to start screaming and never stop. He didn't know what could be done to help Riku any more than he had when Sora had first asked. But Leon might. Granted, they still didn't have any actual proof of what was going on, and he didn't handle child abuse cases, but still…

Roxas had gotten up early, but still not early enough to catch his father. Which was the norm. In fact, both Cloud and Leon were nowhere to be found. Which was actually pretty strange. It was eerie for the house to be so quiet.

Roxas crept toward Cloud and Leon's bedroom and found the door open. It would appear that neither man was even home. Roxas slowly crossed the room, unsure of what to do next. He knew this moment of courage would be fleeting. Sora had never openly asked Roxas not to say anything about Riku's situation to their parents, but he still felt like he was going behind his brother's back to do so.

The curtains billowing out in the next room caught his attention. The room adjoining the master bedroom was used as Cloud and Leon's office. The boys had never been expressly told to stay out, but they tended to steer clear of the place out of respect for their privacy, as well as some ingrained feeling that they just _shouldn't_ be in there. Now Roxas saw a few papers fly off the desk. He went in and closed the window. Cloud liked to keep it open-- he said the chill helped him think. Evidently, a mere breeze had not been enough. As Roxas shut the window, he spotted his father, strolling aimlessly around their backyard.

He smiled and turned to pick the fallen papers up off the floor. The wind had scattered them all over the room. He felt a twinge of guilt as he rifled through them, feeling like he was prying as he attempted to put them back into some sort of order. And he really _hadn't_ been meaning to pry when he skimmed over a few of them… but then he caught one thing-- one name-- that made him freeze. Larxene.

What could Cloud possibly be writing about their mother? Slowly and carefully, Roxas read through just that paragraph. It was composed with simple statements, detailing out what had happened to Larxene after the arrest. Brief words on the facility she'd been sent to. Nothing that helped clear anything up.

For whose benefit could this be? Everyone in the house already knew the details of their… situation. And, if they could help it, no one ever brought up Terra and Larxene. Cloud and Leon had become their "real" parents a long time ago. More often than not, the twins' past was just too painful to remember.

A thought entered his mind that was not entirely welcome. Hadn't Leon said that a reporter had been pestering them for details just a few months ago? Had they finally caved-- agreed to do the article? He couldn't really explain why, but if this was true, he didn't like the idea. And yet… Something still didn't add up, as nothing seemed to these days.

What was written… This was basic information. Information Roxas was sure the media had gotten the first time around. With shaking hands, he flipped back a few pages, taking a tentative seat at the desk, and read on.

At first, his thoughts were too scrambled for him to really focus. But the first word he picked out was his own name… and then his brother's. With growing dread, Roxas read through the paraphrased police reports and the description of the hospital. For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick. He knew what this was.

He was so absorbed in his discovery that he didn't hear the front door open. He didn't hear Cloud climb the stairs. He didn't hear the footsteps coming up behind him. In fact, he didn't hear much of anything until his father called his name.

"Roxas?"

The boy turned. He wasn't sure what his eyes revealed-- some form of betrayal most likely. Cloud just looked confused.

"What are you doing?"

"What the hell is this?" Roxas said in lieu of an answer, quiet and stricken. Cloud seemed to see what Roxas was holding for the first time. He didn't even have the decency to look guilty, Roxas noticed.

Cloud's eyebrows furrowed. "Roxas, why are you going through my things?"

Something seemed off about his father. Cloud still appeared distracted-- as if he was just now getting a hold on the situation, preoccupied by something else, but Roxas pushed these thoughts away. His eyes flashed with anger, and he stood abruptly, letting the papers flutter to the floor.

"This is it?" he demanded, sweeping a hand in a wide arc over the pages strewn around the floor. "This is the big, secret project you've been working on all these years?"

Cloud knelt down in an attempt to gather the mess. He seemed to be at a loss for words. And when Cloud was caught off guard, his writer's vocabulary tended to shine through. "Roxas, your behavior right now is… despicable."

" _I'm_ despicable?" His eyes blazed with anger.

Cloud finally seemed to wake up a little. "That's not what I-"

" _This_ isn't despicable?" Roxas continued loudly, not allowing his father to get a word in. "Watching our pain and then exploiting it for this, this _trash_ isn't despicable? Were we always just some big project for you? Observations for your next great novel?"

The pain on Cloud's features was a palpable thing. He may have been the author, but Roxas had proven that he, too, could give meaning to words. "Roxas, of course no-"

When he cut him off again, he delivered the most hurtful words of all.

"You're no better than all those damn reporters," he spat before turning and striding out the door, leaving his stricken father behind.

Roxas didn't stop until he'd reached the bus stop down the street, trying to force his day forward. His mind was consumed by a red haze. He wasn't really aware of anything around him until something tapped his elbow. He jumped and turned to see Sora standing beside him, holding out his backpack. For once, his brother looked fairly awake despite the hour.

"Here, you forgot this. Why are you out here so early, anyway?"

Roxas didn't answer, choosing instead to grab the bag away and cross his arms, scowling down at the ground. Roxas didn't say anything about all the shouting he must have heard, and for that at least, he was grateful.

Throughout the entirety of the bus ride, Sora continued to glance worriedly at his brother but wisely kept his mouth shut. Roxas kept his eyes glued to the scenery passing by, trying not to let his mind focus for too long on any one thing.

As much of a blur as his classes were, they passed slowly. More than once his teachers sent him dirty looks because he was tapping his fingers on the desks too loudly. Things were moving all too fast, yet all too slow. The day dragged by, (though he was unsure of what it was that he was so anxiously anticipating) but his thoughts were a whirlwind.

The indignance he was feeling had taken the form of a dagger in his chest. He couldn't breathe without feeling it, couldn't lead his thoughts elsewhere. How dare Cloud commercialize their life-- put their story into words like it could really be said so simply?

His fingers stopped tapping. He was vaguely aware of Hayner, sprawled out in the neighboring seat, watching him as his hands clenched into fists on the desktop. He did his best to ignore both Hayner and the history lecture taking place before him until one eventually looked away and the other was brought to a halt by the sound of the bell.

The same sound jolted him into motion. Just one more class to go and this stage of the day would be over. He could do this. He hurried out of the room, but Hayner was quick on his heels.

"Hey. Hey, Roxas! Wait up!"

Reluctantly, he slowed and moved over to hug the wall to let Hayner catch up, eyes on the rush of students passing them by. He knew their little group's leader had something he wanted to discuss, but peace-making did not come naturally to him. Most of 'discussions' that Hayner was involved in quickly morphed into debates. And Roxas wasn't sure he had the space in his head for even one more problem right now. His friend scrutinized him quietly for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" Roxas demanded at last.

"Well, geez, you don't need to go biting my head off," he replied tersely, falling into his antagonistic streak all too easily. "What is wrong with you? One day you're so out of it we have to remind you to even _go_ to class; the next you're going around like you're on some sort of mission and can't wait to be out of here. You're acting so goddamn bipolar lately-"

Roxas spun to face him head-on, his eyes flashing. "Do _not_ use that word like that."

It was to his misfortune that Hayner was so confrontational by nature. This turned his frustration into anger and the need to bite back. "Or else what?!"

What happened next was all very sudden. Neither boy had noticed the small audience their scathing words had begun to attract. Gathered in the audience were their other friends, quickly pushing their way to the front. Unfortunately, there was a serious mistake made with their intervention. A second later, Olette stood before him, hands up in a pacifying sort of way. And this did help to clear Roxas's head a little-- he _was_ aware that he was already acting irrationally today. Unfortunately, it was Sora who had stepped in front of Hayner.

The ringleader of their little band of misfits had never taken the same shine to Sora that the rest of the school seemed to. Hayner felt he was a superficial poser, palling around with the popular crowd one day and trying to blend into their group of friends the next, and he'd never been afraid to say so. Until recently, his grudge against Sora had really been the only thing Roxas and Hayner ever truly argued about. And now, in the midst of something bigger, Sora was the last person he wanted to see. The second the brunet twin opened his mouth in an attempt to ease the tension, Hayner roughly shoved him to the ground.

Sora's resulting grunt as he landed on his back was more out of surprise than fear or pain, but it made Roxas see red. Olette and Pence lunged forward to stop Roxas from tackling Hayner to the floor as Kairi helped Sora back to his feet. He struggled for a moment, feeling and no doubt resembling, a snarling, rabid animal. Certainly like nothing his school friends had ever seen from him. And for just a second, before his own pride made a reappearance, Hayner seemed to be the most taken aback of all. 

This second reminder of his irrationality woke him up again, and when his friends released their grip, Roxas wrenched his arms back to his sides. He glared fiercely at the other blond for a moment before sweeping past the group, his scowl still in place. Hayner glared in response, spitting out as his friend walked away, "Fine. Next time, we'll settle this without your guard dog."

There was a resounding smack, and Roxas could see Hayner reeling from the aftermath of Kairi's slap, but he was already turning the corner and didn't look back again.

He needed to get out of here. He couldn't stand one more stressful encounter. He'd go crazy, if he hadn't already.

The night Roxas had found Axel on the verge of suicide, he had come upon the scene by chance. This time, he didn't let the wind master his destination. He was going to end up at the old mansion sometime today anyway, right? So this is where Roxas set his course, slipping out of school almost too easily, hoping for some peace and quiet.

**………...**

Axel was early. This was a rare occurrence, but he wasn't about to stay in the car with his surly chauffeur. They'd been acquainted nearly his entire life, but sometimes he hated the man his parents had hired all those years ago. For all the suspicious looks he'd received, Axel had begun to think he _should_ set the car on fire.

He fingered the lighter in his pocket but didn't give in to the temptation. Instead, he got out of the car, giving the door a good slam on his way past.

He might have been early, but the front door swung open easily. (He wasn't sure if it was ever locked.) He climbed the stairs slowly, once again slipping his fingertips over the lighter in his pocket.

The night he'd spilled the story about Demyx to Roxas, he'd gone home and flicked the switch repeatedly, watching the sparks' brief lives. He had been home alone. Perhaps not the best timing, but his parents never had been the considerate type. Axel had crept down to where the maids stored the working lighters. He had very stealthily returned to his room, though he doubted any of the servants cared enough to bother to stop him.

Back up in his room, Axel had slowly rolled up the leg of his pants. Having learned from an early mistake, nearly every inch of his body had been meticulously shaved-- there were some spots that he maintained and others where he suspected hair would just never grow back.

He had flicked the switch, watching the flame for a moment with mesmerized, watery eyes. Silently, he apologized to Roxas, to _Demyx_ , before bringing the flame to his skin. He held it there for a moment, waiting for the familiar relief. But there was none. Just pain.

There was the briefest shock of panic before he finally removed the lighter, let the flame die out. A new burst of tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. He turned his face up to the ceiling as if something was there to watch him in his most pathetic moment yet. The fire had failed him. Fitting. He _felt_ like such a fucking failure…

Axel clenched his hands into fists, trying to stop the shaking as he reached the top of the stairs. He let out a deep breath, realizing no one else would be here yet. He finally released the lighter. Axel hadn't attempted anything else since that night. More than a week 'clean'… It was a strange feeling. He could still feel the sting of his most recent burn... but it had mostly faded by now. He knew this was the danger zone. Just when the pain was becoming less noticeable, when he inevitably managed to convince himself that his actions weren't so bad after all, was when he was most likely to do it again... but the shame remained with him full force this time. It was far more unpleasant than the burn... and he tried to hold onto it. 

Axel walked to their meeting room and took in the circle of empty plastic chairs. He was about to take his own seat when he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye.

There was a small balcony leading off of the room, separated by sliding glass doors. Axel looked out to see someone leaning against the railing. He did a double-take when he realized that it was Roxas, of all people.

He chuckled lightly, smirking. What had happened to his life? Not that it had been exactly _predictable_ before, but things were continuing to take turns for the strange lately.

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling for just a moment before he moved to join the other boy on the balcony.

**………...**

Sora's hands clenched and unclenched anxiously. The car ride had been endured with tense silence. Sora had covered for Roxas, telling Cloud that his twin had found another ride after school. (Why he had not also elected to ride with Kairi was harder to explain, and likely threw off his whole lie, but he played it off as cleanly as he could.) Judging on what he'd heard this morning, the idea wasn't so far-fetched. Cloud himself carried an air of guilt with him still, more willing to accept this explanation than he might have been otherwise. And evidently the school had failed to inform their dad of his brother's absence in the last of his classes, so they were safe on that front.

Which left one problem: What would he do if Roxas wasn't there?

There had been a time when Sora had always known where his brother was and what he was thinking, even if they weren't always together. Now, there seemed to be a million different invisible forces pushing them apart. He supposed it was just a part of growing up, but that didn't mean he liked it.

It was hard to describe the relief that overtook him when he walked into the meeting room to see his brother already there. The only other person in the room was Axel who, he noticed, had taken Xion's seat beside his brother.

Roxas looked up briefly to give him a small smile and nod of acknowledgement before turning back to whatever conversation he'd been having with the older boy. Sora may not have known what had been wrong to begin with, but his brother looked infinitely better.

He took his own place and pulled his DS out of his bag, determined not to ruin the moment. He was already deep into Hyrule when he felt someone watching him. He glanced up to see that Riku had arrived and was perched on the edge of his own seat, watching the game. Sora smiled slightly but didn't call attention to his observer.

Xion arrived next. It became apparent immediately that Axel's switch-up had thrown a wrench in things. The black-haired girl had frozen in the doorway, a look of unmasked horror on her face. But Kairi quickly came up behind her. _She_ took in the situation with a smile and grabbed her own chair, moving it between the two brothers so that she could watch the game as well.

Unable to stall any longer without attracting unwanted attention, Xion seemed to grit her teeth. She moved forward, her head down, and quickly took the seat beside Axel. Naminé didn't so much as flinch when she saw that her seat was occupied. She easily claimed the place beside Riku, smiling at him when he jerked his head roughly at her in acknowledgement. Excluding Aerith's, there was only one seat left untaken when Fuu walked in. And when their group leader joined the scene, she beamed at them.

"Well," Aerith said, taking the remaining seat, "it seems we've changed up the boundaries a little."

She didn't receive much feedback, and not everyone looked nearly as pleased.

"It may not feel like it," she continued, "but you've all made a lot more progress than you probably realize. These types of things are always an experiment. Group therapy relies so much on the dynamics of the group-- sometimes, it just doesn't click right. But it's incredibly rewarding when a group does come together."

"And you think we have?" Riku cocked an eyebrow, his tone familiar and challenging but not quite as harsh as it had been in past sessions.

She smiled enigmatically. "What do you think?"

He didn't answer and seemed more than a little relieved when Axel cleared his throat. "Well, I think so."

"Yeah?" Riku asked again, not quite as confrontational. Roxas looked at the red-head with a certain look of understanding, and every other eye had been drawn his way out of curiosity. This was a very different Axel than anyone else remembered. 

"Yeah." For the first time, Axel didn't seem to be hiding behind a mask of untouchable superiority. "Yeah, I do. I, uh… I've got a story for you guys…"

**………...**

Axel had stayed after to speak privately with Aerith, but Roxas thought his relaying to the rest of the group of his and Demyx's story had gone over relatively well. At the very least, the other teens certainly had a new respect for the older boy. And they all seemed to understand-- without having to say anything-- why the detail he'd changed the first time around was so crucial. Even Riku.

Now, Roxas tensed as he neared the car. He felt his stomach clench as he slid in behind Cloud and Sora glanced over worriedly again. But no one said a word the entire ride home. (Roxas noticed that Sora had been thoughtful enough to grab his bag after he had stormed out once again.)

There was a new level of tension as they came to a halt outside their house. Cloud cleared his throat as they all got out.

"I want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you." Roxas's response was immediate, stiff but firm. The coward's way out, to be sure, but true. He was still angry, even after having a day to stew on their confrontation, and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear Cloud's explanation yet. Sora's eyes widened, and Cloud sighed.

"This isn't about this morning, Roxas. Well, not exactly. Leon and I want to talk to both of you."

Reluctantly, Roxas followed his brother inside where Leon was waiting. He was clearly stressed and tired, his hair looking like he'd run a weary hand through it a few times. The two sat down across from their fathers, equally cautious and curious.

For a moment it was like they were in a suspended war zone. And then Leon dropped the bomb.

"Roxas, Sora… Your mother contacted me this morning."


	13. The Way It All Falls Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little ashamed to admit that this was the point in this story's original run where it fell into a three-year hiatus. Yes, after that huge cliffhanger at the end. And even after coming back and finishing the story, I still feel bad about that. Honestly, the events of this chapter kind of snuck up on me. This chapter and the next finally truly address the twins' story-- the one based off of my own-- and I think I got cold feet the first time around. I thought I was ready to analyze it in the context of this story and... simply put, I was wrong. But we're here now.

In the silence that followed, Roxas was certain the world was about to explode. Beside him, Sora croaked out a question, but he couldn’t hear it over the roaring in his ears.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was being hypocritical. How often had he lay awake at night, agonizing over his mother’s absence? Wanting to see her again? But now that it was a possibility… Now that his mother was a living, breathing presence again and not just another childhood demon, the idea of seeing her was… terrifying.

His heart began to beat alarmingly fast. The mundane process of breathing wasn’t happening like it was supposed to. His mind was racing, but only one thought was being formed coherently: Their time spent with Terra and Larxene was like another life. He couldn’t go back to that time. He _couldn’t_.

Leon and Cloud were speaking again, but their voices were taking the form of other sounds. Screaming, gunshots, sirens… 

Roxas jolted out of his seat and attempted to sprint to his room, but his muscles had all turned to jelly. It was only when someone—he had no idea who—put a hand on his shoulder that he had a startling moment of clarity, allowing his legs to function properly again. The next thing he was aware of was his bedroom door slamming behind him. Then he sunk back against the wall, and the memory consumed him.

**…………**

_The room is dark from where the two sit huddled together against the wall beside the bed. The only light bleeds into the room from the streetlight shining outside the uncovered window, but the sky is cloudy. They’re due for more snow any time now._

_There’s a pounding on the door. Shouting. His brother, sandwiched between Roxas and the wall, hunches down a little more, blocking his view of the situation. Which is really for the better, because a second later the door flies open, banging back against the wall. Terra stands in the doorway, looking furious._

Much of the rest is lost to his memory, but some aspects are still vivid. The shouting. Larxene picking up a small handgun off the bedside table. The shots ringing. The sirens shrieking. The sound of a body thudding to the floor.

It’s all a fragmented mess in his mind, but it plays over and over in front of his eyes, the sounds accompanied by bright flashes of color. The soft blue light of the hotel room. The blood splattered on the wall. And later, the stark white of the hospital…

**……….**

Roxas finally came to with a gasp and a shudder. Ten years later, yet he found himself crouched in the same position, the legs of his pants gripped tightly in his fists.

He glanced around his dark room, disoriented. Sora was sitting against the wall beside him, but he didn’t say a word. In one quick motion, Roxas crossed the room and flipped on the light, illuminating all the dark corners.

“Glad you’re back,” Sora mumbled dully.

He shivered, both from his words and his appearance. Sora’s chin rested on his knees, and his eyes were red. But Roxas ignored this.

“How… How bad was it? …How long?” he asked, his hands clenching and unclenching, his voice shaky.

Sora shrugged despondently. “’Bout an hour, I guess. You haven’t had a real one in a long time. …Scared Cloud and Leon.”

Roxas winced and sat back down beside him, a little more relaxed.  “Did they say anything else?” It was the last conversation he wanted to be having, but he needed to know.

“Not really. They’re in the kitchen right now… talking.”

For the first time, he picked up on the faint sounds of an argument and got back to his feet. “You okay to go?”

Sora’s eyes were still dull, but he nodded and let his brother help him to his feet too. Quietly, the two walked down the hall until they stood outside the kitchen, their fathers’ words coming through clearly now.

“Well, I don’t accept that!” Cloud. In stark contrast to Leon, Cloud simply got louder when he was angry, but Leon’s voice was a fierce whisper.

“I’m not saying _I_ do! I’m just saying that, from a legal standpoint, the judge will usually rule in favor of the parents.”

“Dammit! We _are_ their parents!”

The twins glanced at each other, silently agreeing that it was time to interrupt. With a deep breath, Roxas pushed open the door to the kitchen.

The conversation halted immediately. The boys walked in to see Leon on one side of the room standing stiff and straight with his arms crossed in front of his chest. One hand propping him up against the table, Cloud stood on the other side of the room. Both men looked ruffled, weary, and surprised to see their sons.

“Sora,” said Leon at the exact same time that Cloud said, “Roxas.”

This was followed by a good minute of awkward silence, which Cloud finally broke with, “How are you feeling?”

Roxas averted his eyes, mumbling, “Better. Fine. Um, what’s going on?”

The two glanced between one another, and Roxas was struck by the uncanny resemblance their parents sometimes had to his brother and himself. Had he not known they were romantically involved, he would have assumed they were brothers themselves, or at least life-long best friends.

Cloud slid out the chair and sat down, and Leon leaned back against the counter. It was as if the entire room had let out a deep breath.

“As we were telling you before,” Leon started. “Your mother called us earlier. I’m not sure how she got the number, but she was asking after the two of you.”

Roxas willed his heartbeat to maintain its rhythm, clenching his hands into fists at the news. His parents were watching them carefully. He was _not_ irreversibly damaged. Whatever the news, he could handle it.

Cloud cleared his throat. The look on his face was that of someone who was about to seal his doom. “There’s something… we haven’t told you. We weren’t sure how you would take it. But… about six months ago, we received news that your mother had checked herself into a clinic. There wasn’t much they could tell us, but she did seem genuinely concerned with getting better.”

His words were met with silence. Sora’s head had snapped up, his eyes wide. It was Roxas who broke the silence, his words a bitter mutter. “Glad it only took nine and a half years.”

“In no way are we excusing what she’s done, Roxas.” Leon’s voice was quiet, his words measured. “We know better than anyone how much she put the two of you through, and we’re incredibly proud of how far you’ve come. But it can’t be overlooked that your mother is sick. And she isn’t going to get better until she _decides_ to get better.”

They looked down in unison. This conversation was no stranger to this household. Sora and Roxas were both very familiar with it, and it didn’t get any more encouraging the more they heard it.

“Did she?” Sora’s words were so quiet that at first none of them heard him. “Did she?” he repeated. “Get better?”

“Sora…” Cloud trailed off and sighed. “It’s hard to tell. I’m not a doctor, and the call lasted five minutes, at most. She sounded… all right.” (Sane. That was the word he was avoiding.) “But we didn’t talk about much. She wanted to know how the two of you were doing, and we told her you were doing well.”

Doing well? Roxas had to work to keep the scoff off his features. He didn’t know why he felt so irritated, but really? Nightmares and panic attacks and support groups were ‘doing well’?

“Did she ask to see us?” The look in Sora’s eyes was more intense than he’d been all night. Cloud looked down, but Leon stared back.

“Not yet,” was the answer they got. He didn’t seem pleased at the prospect. At his tone, Roxas looked up sharply.

“And if she does?” Leon watched him closely for a moment. Roxas knew he was being especially confrontational, but he wasn’t backing down. Leon’s response was measured.

“Then we’ll proceed according to her mental state.”

“You’d stop us from seeing her?”

The other two were watching this intense staredown silently. Leon seemed to be choosing his words carefully, but Roxas was pushing all the right buttons.

“If I thought it would be… healthier for you if she stayed out of your lives, yes. I would.”

“She’s our mother.”

“And I’m your father, and frankly, I think I’ve done the better parenting job.”

“Leon.” It was Cloud, ever the mediator. He’d gotten up to put a calming, though somewhat restraining hand on his husband’s shoulder. “This has been a stressful night… I think we all need to take a few steps back and give each other some room to breathe.”

There was another tense moment of silence, but they took the hint. Sora shuffled off obediently to his room.

“Roxas.” Leon’s voice was resigned. This had been a hard night all around. “Wait up a minute. I want you to eat something before you go to bed.”

“I’m okay,” he said but sat down obligingly as Leon began to collect things from the cabinets and spread them out on the counter. Cloud leaned into him for a minute, the hand on his shoulder turning into a one-armed hug. Roxas watched this tender scene for a moment, seeing Leon relax by degrees. He let out a deep breath himself and closed his eyes, not opening them again until a sandwich was slipped under his nose. He wasn't sure how solid his parents' medical knowledge was, but he knew the food was meant to ward against shock... As if he hadn't already slipped away from himself that night.

Cloud had gone, presumably to sit with Sora, and Leon took the seat opposite their other son. They were silent for a moment while Roxas picked at his dinner.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Leon said at last. “I was out of line.”

“Yeah… Me too.”

Leon deliberated for a second before asking, “Do you really want to see her again?”

Roxas sighed. “No… I don’t know.”

“I meant what I said, Roxas,” Leon said as his son looked away. “Cloud and I are incredibly proud of you two.”

Well how was that for a guilt trip, intentional or not? Roxas bit his lip, aware that his sandwich was becoming a shredded mess in his hands. “Dad,” he began haltingly. “I… I’m sorry about the way I’ve been acting lately.”

The boy looked up sheepishly at the sound of his father’s chuckling. He briefly entertained the possibility that it stemmed from budding hysteria. Leon looked exhausted.

“You know, originally, I was against this whole group therapy idea.”

Their eyes met again. Of all the things Leon could have said, Roxas never would have seen this one coming. His parents had never seemed divided on this front. In fact, they’d been the perfect team when it came to fielding their complaints. To know now that Leon’s heart hadn’t been in it… Frankly, he was impressed.

“I didn’t want you guys exposed to all that,” he continued. “I felt you had enough on your plates without having to shoulder a bunch of strangers’ problems as well. But Cloud didn’t see it that way. He insisted you needed a bit of tough love if you were ever going to make any progress.”

“I think he was right,” Roxas said softly.

Leon’s smile was fond and gentle. Quiet. He rarely relaxed enough to look this way. “So do I.”

Roxas grinned back, and he got the feeling, for possibly the first time, that this was what progress felt like.

**…………**

Roxas left the table not long after, having eaten very little of his sandwich, but feeling a lot better. He could still hear Sora and Cloud’s murmured voices in the next room as he got into bed.

Leon followed his path down the hallway, and Roxas tried to mentally prepare himself for The Switch-Off he knew was coming. Sure enough, Leon disappeared into Sora’s room, and a second later, Cloud appeared in his doorway.

Roxas lay in bed, the room dark, but he was wide awake when Cloud gently rapped his knuckles on the doorframe. The boy slowly brought his arms up to rest behind his head, and his other father entered the room.

“How are you holding up?” Cloud asked as he sat down on the edge of Roxas’s bed.

“I’m fine, but…” He grimaced, trying to find the right words. He knew if anyone deserved an apology for his recent behavior, it was Cloud. And somehow that made this so much harder.

Cloud waited patiently until Roxas blurted out at last, “I’m sorry about this morning! I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that, and the things I said… I _was_ despicable, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Roxas,” Cloud said softly, just his name at first. “I’m not angry about this morning. I know what you must have thought when you read my notes.”

Roxas wanted to bite back his words, he really did. He didn’t _want_ to fight again, but… “They looked awfully put together for _notes_ ,” he mumbled, hating every word.

“You’re right,” Cloud accepted easily. “I had begun writing it out in a more professional format. It started out as a journal, back when you and Sora were just kids. In the beginning, it was just a way to sort through my thoughts. I did start putting it together as a book, but no one was ever going to read it. Not without you and your brother’s express permission. Maybe not even then.”

The knot of guilt in Roxas’s chest tightened. “Oh,” he managed lamely. He looked away.

Cloud’s solemn expression softened into a smile. “It’s in the past, Roxas. Don’t feel bad. Seriously, you happen to be talking to the king of overreacting.”

Roxas looked back up skeptically. “ _You_?”

Cloud chuckled. “You’ve only ever known my better side. If it wasn’t for Leon, I’d probably be in jail right now.”

“I _wish_ you were exaggerating,” a voice sighed from the doorway. Leon was watching the scene, his arms crossed over his chest. Sora must have fallen asleep.

Their son was looking back and forth between the two of them incredulously.

“I was an angry kid,” Cloud said by way of explanation. “I can’t even count the number of times I was suspended from school for fighting. Leon kept me… grounded. And then I found writing and martial arts and meditation… through the, uh, _guidance_ of my anger management instructor.”

Leon scoffed at his choice of wording, and the two shared an amused look.

“My point,” Cloud said, “is that we’re no strangers to outbursts. I think anger is healthy, like any other emotion. But maybe we should work on your method of expressing it.”

“Right…”

Cloud smiled again and leaned forward to kiss Roxas’s forehead.

“Good night, kid. Get some sleep,” he said before standing. The man twined his fingers through his husband’s in the doorway before the two left their son alone with his thoughts in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my note for the final chapter, I will go into more detail, but I feel like I need to make it clear here that my story was dramatized for the sake of its retelling in this story. No one died in my parents' confrontation. (So no one freak out about that. The aftermath that I struggled with was different. It's just that I had set up Sora and Roxas's situation a certain way and needed to change a few things to keep it consistent.) 
> 
> And on a lighter note, I feel like this is the first chapter that Cloud and Leon have a real presence in. It took me a while to give them a bigger role in this story, but that was always the intention.


	14. The Big Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter adds the tags: Divorce, Gun Violence, Custody Battle, Parental Kidnapping, and though I technically added Bipolar Disorder and Mental Health Issues in last time, this is where those tags really come into play. (Though I suppose 'Mental Health Issues' is relevant for nearly every character in this story.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title feels like a fourth wall break, but at the time of its original posting, the wait for the twins' story had been ridiculously drawn out. It doesn't feel quite that bad now, being just past the halfway point, but I think the sentiment is the same.   
> The story itself is told half in flashbacks. In part because I wanted to break up the monotony of the characters just sitting there telling the story, and in part because I have a lot of really vivid memories of that time in my life--some that didn't even feel important at the time-- and I wanted to tell this story as completely as possible. (Even if it is dramatized for the sake of this story.)

The next morning, Roxas awoke slowly. It occurred to him as he lay there, looking at the way the light brightened one particular angle of his room, that the sun wasn't in its usual place in the sky. The logical thought that followed was that he must be late. Setting his alarm hadn’t exactly been a priority last night. He knew he should be throwing himself out of bed and rushing around trying to salvage the day right about now, but... he wasn’t terribly troubled by this conclusion.

He heard his door creak open and looked up to see his brother standing in the doorway. Sora wasn’t dressed and ready for the day either, but he looked fully alert at least, which was strange in itself given how the brunet twin felt about mornings. As soon as it was clear he’d been seen, Sora gave his brother a small, solemn smile. He let himself into the room and shut the door behind him. Sora climbed up onto the bed, and Roxas scooted over so they could both rest up against the pillows, shoulder to shoulder.

For one quiet moment, all was still. At last, Roxas asked, “What time is it?”

“A little after ten,” Sora answered. “Cloud and Leon said we could stay home today. They’re both still out in the living room too.”

Roxas closed his eyes for a beat. “What’s happening to our lives, Sora?”

His brother nudged him playfully, and Roxas could picture the smile on his face. “You say that like our lives were _ever_ calm and peaceful.”

Roxas opened his eyes again and turned his head to look at his twin. Their eyes met and they shared another moment of silence and stillness. It was Sora’s default to joke and keep things light, but Roxas knew he’d understood.

For so long, their ‘normal’ had been to push ahead. After all, life went on, right? He could feel a definitive shift in the atmosphere since the day before. The entire world seemed to have slowed down, though Roxas was sure this feeling would evaporate the second he left the house and actually rejoined civilization…

But still… For now, he was struck with the same sense of accomplishment and assurance that he’d experienced the night before. Progress. It was time they—all four of them—stopped running and faced their demons head on.

“Roxas?” his brother whispered, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Hmm?”

“I did something kinda impulsive.” Sora’s voice remained at a sheepish whisper, as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words aloud.

This was probably the point where he was supposed to feel dread bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t. Roxas just smiled and gave his brother a look like, _What else is new?_

Sora grinned nervously back and dug his phone out of the pocket of his sweat pants. He flipped through a few screens before handing it over. Roxas read through the last message his brother had sent… and the seven responses. “How did you get Aerith’s number?” he asked at last.

“Kairi. Roxas…” Sora was watching him like he’d watch a ticking bomb. He seemed to be worried his twin hadn’t fully comprehended the message. “I called an extra session tonight… I want to talk about it.”

Roxas didn’t have to ask what ‘it’ referred to. “I saw.”

“Please say something,” Sora begged.

“I… figured,” Roxas admitted. “I can feel it, too. It’s just… time, you know?”

Another moment of silence.

“Sora…” Roxas began to feel the first prickles of unease as tears welled up in his brother’s eyes.

Without warning, Sora threw his arms around Roxas, his face buried in his twin’s shirt. Roxas, his own eyes lost in the mess of his brother’s hair, hugged him back, just as tight.

“I thought,” Sora choked out. But his voice was too muffled. He pulled back, wiping his eyes. “For years, I thought… I thought I didn’t have the _right_ to tell it, you know? ‘Cause it’s your story too, and I know you don’t like to talk about it.”

“Sora,” Roxas said again, this time assaulted by guilt. It was true. He _didn’t_ like to talk about it. But an unwelcome little truth was making its presence known at the back of his mind. He knew he’d always justified his own silence by telling himself he was protecting Sora. _He_ could handle it, if he had to. But why put his brother through all that emotional trauma?

It wasn’t just guilt. The shame washed over him in waves. “Sora… I’m sorry.”

His brother just looked at him with wide eyes, so he elaborated, “You were right… I’ve been lying to myself for a long time, hiding behind this idea that you needed protection. It made me feel strong, I guess. Like I had more control over the situation than I actually did. But you’ve been protecting me just as much. I didn’t realize that. And I’m sorry if I’ve held you back.”

Now they were both teary-eyed, but Sora was smiling. A real smile, unhindered by guilt or nerves. They embraced again, and Roxas began to mentally prepare himself for the night ahead. It wouldn’t be easy, but they would take the next step together.

**…………**

Sora and Roxas stood outside a minute, staring up at the building. Their fathers had finally driven away, having offered repeatedly to at least walk them in. Roxas wasn't sure what exactly his brother had told them about tonight, but Cloud and Leon definitely knew this meeting would be different. 

The twins had spent the day lounging around the house. It had been a quiet day, one brother never far from the other. The solemn atmosphere had never left them, but they hadn’t openly discussed what they were in for. Now they took a deep breath in unison and began this journey, hand in hand. And they didn’t let go of each other even as they arrived in the doorway to their group’s meeting room.

This time, they were the first ones there. The two just stood there in silence for a second before Roxas moved forward again. He began to move the plastic chairs out of their circular formation. It just felt too… formal. Sora helped him, and Axel arrived before they were even halfway through.

Roxas was aware of the older boy trying to catch his eye all throughout this mundane task, but neither said a word. Slowly, their other group members filtered in, some looking curious, Naminé flashing them both an encouraging smile.

By the time Aerith walked into the room, the eight teenagers had seated themselves in their usual circle on the floor. Their circle had condensed a bit. Almost subconsciously, they were all sitting more closely than usual. The woman gracefully took her place amongst them, nodding at the twins who were once again grasping each other’s hands.

“What, no candles this time?” Axel cracked, breaking up the tension a little. Naminé shot him an amused smile.

Roxas felt his brother squeeze his hand as Sora set the ball rolling. “Yesterday was…” Sora glanced at his twin who only nodded. “We had a rough night. Obviously, you all got my text this morning, since you’re here.”

“You probably think you already know this story,” Roxas spoke up quietly. He kept his eyes glued to the floor, but he was picturing Kairi poring over her grandparents’ old newspapers, casual comments about a local tragedy over dinner. “But there’s a lot the media didn’t cover.”

They’d gained the group’s undivided attention and respectful silence. Roxas felt Sora glance hesitantly at him one last time before continuing, “We were four when our parents—our biological parents—got divorced.”

**…………**

_“What are you boys doing down here?” Terra crouches down in front of his sons, looking tired but gentle. Sora and Roxas had fled to the basement—long ago converted into an exercise room—at the first sound of raised voices._

_“You and Mommy were fighting again,” Sora accuses meekly._

_Terra sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. Larxene had stormed out just minutes before. “Yeah… Boys… Your mother and I… we’ve decided it would be best if we didn’t live together anymore. We know you don’t like to hear us fighting all the time."_

_“What about us?” Roxas cuts in, wide-eyed._

_“Well, we’re still… working out the details, but you’d still get to see us both… just not at the same time.”_

**…………**

“They didn’t actually tell us about it until September,” Sora explained. “Years later, we found out they’d filed for divorce back in July, right after our birthday. We were young—“

“But we knew something was going on,” Roxas picked up. “It was all very civil at first. One week Dad would stay in the house with us and the next week Mom would. They stayed with friends on their off-weeks. They were trying to put us first… But they couldn’t be in the same room long enough even to switch us off without fighting. The months went on, and their custody battle got worse. Mom was…”

“She has shizoaffective bipolar disorder,” Sora finished when Roxas’s words choked off. “Or, I think schizoaffective disorder: bipolar type is how you actually say it. Cloud and Leon explained it as best they could years ago, but we don’t really talk about it.”

“At the time, we didn’t even know she was sick,” said Roxas when he found his voice.

And why should they have known? After all, who in their right mind tells a pair of four-year-olds that their mother is dancing right at the edge of insanity? But he could remember feeling betrayed when they had been told. Didn’t they have a right to know what was lurking in their DNA?

“The last argument they had… The one that really set her off…” _Fuck_. Why was this so _hard_? He felt like he’d known the details forever. Why did the words seem to stick in his throat whenever he tried to voice them?

Sora came to his rescue yet again. “Terra… Our father, I mean, he found out our mother wasn’t taking her medicine and he accused her of being unfit to take care of us.”

**…………**

_“_ Unfit _,” Larxene hisses as she rushes from room to room, throwing ‘essentials’ into a pre-packed suitcase. “What gives him the right to judge me? To suggest I can’t function without a bunch of pills?”_

_Sora and Roxas watch her tirade from the hallway where they stand huddled together. There’s apprehension in their eyes, the beginnings of fear._

_“Well? Come on, you two,” she snaps when she slows down enough to catch sight of them. The both jump. “I told you both, go pack enough clothes for a few days and anything else you want to bring with you. Only the essentials. Now hurry!”_

_They scurry off to comply. Neither of her boys is brave enough to ask where they will be bringing these things._

**…………**

“Do you usually call them by their names?”

Kairi’s question snapped them both out of the memory. “Uh, what?”

“Your biological parents,” Kairi clarified. “Do you usually refer to them as Terra and Larxene? I tried out _my_ parents’ names, and my grandma freaked. But you can remember them actually being your parents. I can’t.”

“We don’t usually use Larxene’s name,” Sora said slowly. _We don’t usually talk about her at all_ , he left out. “But, I mean, we don’t have anyone trying to take that spot… Cloud and Leon have been our real dads for a long time. Somewhere along the way, our biological father kind of just became Terra.”

“But you call your ‘real’ dads Cloud and Leon,” Riku pointed out.

“Not to their _faces_ ,” Roxas countered a little impatiently.

The group shifted a bit, the darkness of the story interrupted by their sidetracked questions. But they settled down again easily, aware that this was the point where things were about to get bad.

“So, it was December by then…” For the first time, Sora seemed to be stumbling over his words, his momentum lost. “One day, our mom picked us up from daycare. It wasn’t her week, and this had been going on long enough for our babysitter to know that it wasn’t her week. So she called Terra at work…”

There was silence for a moment. Roxas tightened his grip around his brother’s hand and immediately felt Sora squeeze back. How to even begin to describe what happened next?

“Take your time.” Aerith’s voice was soft.

Roxas’s throat was beyond dry, and Sora had begun to chew on his bottom lip. The cheerful, open twin was on the verge of shutting down. Roxas figured it was his turn to step up to the plate.

“She…” He cleared his throat, very aware that all eyes were on him. “She rushed us home, had us each pack a bag, and…”

“Breathe, kid.” The interruption came from Axel, who was watching him the most intently. Roxas finally looked up to meet his eyes, remembering how he’d watched Axel tell his own story. Twice. He nodded and took another deep breath. His voice was stronger when he spoke again. Strong enough to make Sora look up.

“Terra pulled into the driveway just as we were leaving. He chased us for a while, but eventually Mom lost him. She was going on about some plan to take us far, far away… We ran out of gas in Hollow Bastion.”

“Not the best place to be stranded for three weeks… In the dead of winter.” Sora was clearly trying to make light of it, but his voice dropped at the end.

_Three weeks_ , Roxas saw Naminé mouth, but their audience remained silent, if a bit apprehensive.

“Those three weeks were… hell,” Roxas said at last. “It snowed every couple of days, and Mom was… not right. But back then, we didn’t know she was sick. She'd checked us into this dingy little motel in the middle of the city until she could decide what to do next.”

“It’s funny, ‘cause the signs seem so obvious now. There were some days when she wouldn’t get out of bed and others where she would drag us out into the middle of a snowstorm just to windowshop, because our hotel room was _smothering_ her. But out on the street, she was convinced that anyone who looked at us too long knew Terra somehow and was going to take us away...”

Sora’s voice was thick, and the group seemed to have zeroed in on this, wondering if the first tears were about to be shed. But Roxas was brought back to another time.

_The little blond boy keeps his head down, but the wind and snow continue to sting his face. The snow has been falling for a while now; the sidewalks are coated with it, freezing their toes through their sneakers as well._

_Larxene has one boy on either side of her, grasping their hands so they don’t trail behind. They’ve ducked into three different little coffee shops by now, the patrons of each one giving them different directions back to their hotel. Their friendly advice doesn’t appear to be doing much good. It’s dark now, and they’re still lost. Every shady street in this stupid town looks almost exactly the same._

_The sound of sniffling draws Roxas’s eyes to his brother, an entire world away on the other side of their mother._

**…………**

That image of Sora crying in the snow, the tears practically freezing before they could drip down his face, was still one of his most vivid memories. Those three weeks were the first time it had really been clear to him that he and his twin were very different. Sora had been brought to tears frequently throughout their ordeal. Roxas had not cried once until they were safe.

He wondered now if that’s why Sora had bounced back so much more quickly after their rescue. His brother had responded well to the nurses’ attempts to keep them engaged and in good cheer. Roxas, on the other hand, had been a mess. Suddenly, he found himself crying over everything, the tiniest problems sending him spiraling into complete meltdowns.

Sora took in a shaky breath to steady himself. Roxas continued, “Back home… Terra had the entire police force working overtime. He had a lot of friends and connections. Eventually they did track us down, but… one of those _connections_ tipped off Terra first. He got there before the police did and…”

“By that time,” Sora picked up, “Mom was stuck in some sort of delusion. We didn’t understand most of it at the time, but she would go on these angry rants about how she was keeping us safe. She thought Terra was cheating on her and that he was part of some sort of drug ring…”

“Sometimes we’d wake up and she wasn’t there…” Roxas went on. “Hollow Bastion is a rough place. She found a way to get her hands on a gun…”

A few people stiffened at the last word. This was the part of the story the media had focused on. They all knew what was coming next. Sora ducked his head down, but at this point, Roxas couldn’t stop.

“Terra burst into the room, shouting something… And Larxene shot him.”

The words came out mechanically, as if he was reading them off a report and not recounting a memory.

“You _saw_ that?” The words came from Fuu, her eyes wide and horrified.

One twin nodded as the other shook his head.

“I wasn’t looking,” Sora said quietly. “But I heard it.”

“The police weren’t far behind,” Roxas continued as if the interruption hadn’t happened. “But the paramedics arrived too late. They dragged our mother out in handcuffs, and they took us straight to the hospital, even though we weren’t hurt.”

“Roxas.” It was Naminé. She was staring at him worriedly.

He blinked, finally breaking off his monologue. The entire room looked a little shaken up. There was a haunted look in his eyes, a dead quality to his voice. Sora, too, was looking at him with wide eyes. Roxas was suddenly aware of how tightly he was gripping his twin’s hand.

Roxas pulled back suddenly, releasing his brother’s hand for the first time since the start of their story. He began to breathe normally again and ducked his head, blocking his view of the room.

“Would you like to take a break?” Aerith’s voice was steady. She looked every bit the professional.

“No…” Sora grabbed his hand back, though they were both stiff and clammy. “Let’s finish this.”

“What’s left?” Kairi looked horrified at the prospect of the story getting worse, but Sora offered her a smile.

“Most of the story. This is where it starts to get good.”

His words had the desired effect. A grin began tugging at Roxas’s expression as well.

“They kept us hospitalized for a while,” Sora continued, encouraged by the sudden lightness of the tale. “The social workers wanted us to move on as quickly as possible. Neither of our parents had any family, so that meant foster care for us. But the nurses were nice. The only thing they could officially treat us for was shock, and they argued that throwing us into an orphanage would be detrimental to any progress we’d made.”

“Our biological father wasn’t the only one with legal connections,” Roxas cut in, getting into the spirit.

The twins smiled at each other. Real smiles. Sora’s words were almost triumphant. “We first met Cloud and Leon on Christmas Day. They kept us in the hospital for another week and a half, and Cloud and Leon visited every day. They got all the legal stuff straightened out in record time, and we got to go home and start our new lives.”

It was a nice story, but their smiles were a bit deceiving. Sora had sugarcoated the tale, leaving out how these ‘new lives’ were still peppered with nightmares and a resistance to suddenly being gifted replacement parents. As if Happily Ever After was really that simple.

“I don’t mean to be the one weighing you down again…” And Naminé truly did look apologetic. “But what about the rest of the story? What happened to your mother?”

Roxas’s mouth was set in a grim line. “She fought her charges with an insanity plea and won. She spent the next four years in an institution—“

“ _Four years_?” Riku exclaimed incredulously at the exact same moment Axel burst out, “She _murdered_ her husband!”

This time Sora’s smile was sad. “She really is a different person when she’s on her medication… And she _had_ to take it when she was… hospitalized. She got a lawyer and went back to court. The judge gave her mandatory outpatient treatment… She had to check back in with some approved doctor on a regular basis, but she was free.”

Sora maintained his sad smile as Axel grumbled about how this was “bullshit.” Roxas squeezed his hand again, hoping this was the end of it. Neither of them wanted to go into the most recent developments. How, after ten years, Larxene had suddenly voluntarily checked herself into treatment again and what this might mean for their futures.

“And you told me you weren’t strong enough for this.” They’d just bared their souls, shared a horrific story, and Naminé was smiling at him. Teasing him. This should have felt offensive or out of place. It didn’t. He smiled back.

Roxas looked around the circle again, fully aware of how far they’d come since that first day. There were still a lot of closed doors, but he saw trust in their eyes. Or, the beginnings of it at least. Looking around this group now, he was starting to feel like recovery just might be possible. This was just a first step. But they were on their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've mentioned this half a dozen times by now… But this story is my story, only dramatized a bit so I could fit Cloud and Leon into it. I think the scary thing is, after writing it out in story format… I really didn’t have to exaggerate much. My mother didn’t kill my father… but I still have no contact with her. The person going through it alongside me wasn't a twin but I do have a younger sister, and the differences between how Roxas and Sora deal with this event is also based off of our real life reactions. The twins in this story were only 4-- I wanted to really give you all the feel of time passing. The actual ages at the time we were taken were 11 (me) and 8 (my sister.) We were returned to our biological father a few days before Christmas... And there have actually been quite a few other developments since then, but that covers what's relevant to this story. (Mostly. We do still have around 12 chapters to go.) Thank you for your patience.


	15. The Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two 'reveal' chapters in a row. Which, of course, means more tags to be added. This time you get Selective Mutism, Depression, (which really should have been in there before; not sure how I missed that one) Hospitalization, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, and while I didn't find, and couldn't think up, an actual tag for it, it does go a little into feelings of inadequacy regarding a parent remarrying and having other children.
> 
> Continue at your own discretion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has always been one of those chapters that I was always a little on the fence about... but I do want to say that I always had Xion's role in this story planned out. I'm sure it's going to seem anticlimactic and disappointing to some of you. I used her both as my way to represent my experience with one of my friends' problems (as with many of the others) and to, kind of, get across a different perspective. Personally, I worked with three different therapists before I found one I could really connect and make progress with. There are a lot of different avenues as far as counseling is concerned. What works for one person isn't always a good fit for another.

It was obvious to all, just silently understood, that the story was over. Yet nobody moved.

There was a now-familiar sense of comfort derived from their circle. It sounded a little cheesy, but it was true. The protection the group’s confidentiality policy provided had a side effect they hadn’t been warned about. Each story divulged, each secret shared, bounded them together as a single entity a little more tightly. This realization wasn’t wholly welcome yet. But as time went on, it was being met with less and less resistance.

With a start, Roxas came to another realization—one that made him want to laugh. There was a name for the kind of bond this group was forming. Some called it friendship.

The entire room seemed to take a breath and sit back when Sora let go of his hand. His brother stood to stretch out and finally break the circle, and Roxas had no objections. He didn’t feel frazzled and panicky like he’d expected he would. In fact, Roxas felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

But this clearly wasn’t true for everyone. His group mates were, one by one, following Sora’s lead and stretching out. Only Xion remained stiff as a statue. Yet another meeting had ended, and Xion still had not said a word.

The other teens had begun to mingle, swapping inane small talk and trying to get used to this casual atmosphere amongst them. Only Roxas and Xion remained seated, her eyes glued to the floor, his fixed very intently on her. So when Xion suddenly bolted from the room, Roxas was quick on her heels.

For someone who had been impersonating a statue just seconds before, Xion was fast. She was already halfway down the stairs by the time Roxas reached the top.

“Xion!” She didn’t even look back. He picked up the pace, taking the steps two at a time. He saw her falter once, stumbling and catching herself on the wall of the front entrance, just before she could wrench open the door. Roxas seized his chance.

“Xion, wait!” He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, and she jerked away but reluctantly remained standing before him, eyes downcast.

Emboldened by the past hour, Roxas pushed ahead. “Xion.” He took a deep breath. “I know what you’re doing.”

He paused, but still she refused to meet his gaze. There were things about Xion that he was just starting to understand, now that he'd finally taken the time to really look at her. Things he recognized. “After they took us to the hospital, I didn’t speak for six months… Everything was so chaotic, sometimes it felt like my voice was the only thing I could still control.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only when Aerith came to stand at the top of the stairs. She raised her eyebrows at them. The signal became clear when the voices of their group mates got louder. He didn’t have much longer if he wanted this to remain private.

He continued, a little softer, “I’ve always had this habit of just shutting down when things get overwhelming. When I wasn’t speaking… Sometimes I just wanted to fade into nothingness. But sometimes it was because I needed to know if anyone cared enough to come pull me out of myself. One day, Leon sat me down and told me that living was a choice. I’m not sure what’s going on… But it’s _your_ life, Xion. And you have to decide to live it for yourself.”

She met his eyes for the first time. It was just a fraction of a second, but it stopped him in his tracks. Xion turned and darted out the door, just as Aerith began saying her goodbyes to her patients. Roxas didn’t move.

Xion’s look had been filled with pain. But what stuck with him most, oddly enough, was the color. He’d never noticed before, perhaps because they were always angled towards the ground. Xion’s eyes were the most startling shade of blue. Frankly, he was reminded of Sora. It was hard to see those eyes so tortured.

“Roxas?” He turned to see Sora looking curiously at him, Riku standing awkwardly at his side. “You okay?”

The blond cleared his throat. “Yeah… I’m fine.”

“Don’t tell me you ran away to fall apart all by your lonesome!” another voice rang out. Axel came striding towards them, head held high.

The older boy had really gotten his spirit back since opening up to the group. And not the put-on arrogant air he’d displayed to them early on. Axel’s smiles had taken on a more genuine feel as of late. Depression was a monster, but Axel seemed to be getting the upper hand.

He walked right up to Roxas and ruffled the blond’s hair. The boy knocked his hand away indignantly. Sora just smiled at him like, _I told you so_.

“What are you on about?” Roxas demanded.

Axel smirked. “Everyone else had an audience for their breakdowns. Don’t think you’re getting away that easily.”

Roxas had to smack his hand away again. “Knock it off, would you? I’m fine.” Not to mention that ‘everyone’ consisted of just Axel and Naminé thus far.

Speaking of, the girls had caught up, Naminé and Kairi linked at the arms again, Fuu trailing slightly behind. Of course, they’d arrived just in time to see Sora scrutinizing him. “ _Are_ you okay?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he stressed. “I’m fine.” But he could tell Xion wasn’t, and he was starting to wish he’d run after her.

Naminé beamed at the boys. “The two of you were great today. You should be proud.”

“Great,” said Axel breezily. “Now you can stop hounding us.”

She met his faux-cheer with a smile of her own. “You’ve come a long way, too, Axel. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Roxas didn’t miss the way Fuu and Riku pointedly avoided the blond girl’s eyes. He felt a stab of sympathy for them. No doubt Naminé’s focus on them would strengthen ten-fold.

Collectively, as a group, the seven of them turned to walk out the door. Roxas glanced around, but Xion was nowhere in sight. He frowned when he realized this, but it was impossible to avoid getting sucked back into the group’s cautious lighthearted cheer. No matter what was to come, this moment was a high note.

**…………**

A note that ended very abruptly just a few hours later.

It had been a good night. Cloud and Leon were calmed by their sudden raise in morale. They all went off to bed that night in much better spirits… Only to be awoken shortly after midnight by the sound of frantic knocking.

Roxas and Sora weren’t far behind their parents, stumbling along the dark hallway. They looked groggily down the stairs. Leon and Cloud were already at the front door. The twins had arrived just in time to see Yuffie burst in. Her own momentum was too much for her, and Leon caught her before she hit the floor.

“Yuffie,” Cloud said as she tried to catch her breath. It was impossible to tell who was the most stunned. “What’s going on?”

“I need you to take me to the hospital!” she blurted out. “I don’t trust myself to drive right now; I nearly ran right through a stoplight on my way here.”

“Yeah, of course,” Leon managed, too shocked even to question her. Yuffie quickly pushed him into his own room and began throwing clothes at him. Cloud followed after, insisting they were both capable of dressing themselves.

By the time he returned to the front entrance, Yuffie having already pushed Leon out the door, the twins were sitting on the steps, dressed and watching somberly.

“It’s Xion, isn’t it?” Roxas said when their father just looked at them, unsure what to say. All he knew was that Yuffie hadn't had a scratch on her or been in any obvious pain. But something drastic befalling her niece could certainly explain her behavior.

“We’re coming with you,” Sora declared, and Cloud didn’t even try to stop them.

The ride to the hospital was a tense one. Yuffie had finally managed to catch her breath and was trying to explain. “Tifa called me a little while ago. She said Xion just collapsed! And all the doctors have been able to tell her so far is that she’s dangerously underweight.”

“Did your sister mention anything else?” Leon asked, trying to keep their friend focused and calm. “Has Xion been acting strange lately?”

Yuffie shook her head miserably. “No. I mean, Tifa said she’s been quiet lately, but that’s hardly unusual. Xion’s never exactly been an outgoing kid.”

Sora and Roxas exchanged a look. _Quiet?_ they were both thinking incredulously.In the entire time that they'd known the girl, no one had heard her speak a single word. 

Upon reaching the hospital, Yuffie darted up to her niece’s room, leaving the Strife family to wait awkwardly outside. It was way past visiting hours, and the night nurses kept tossing them looks, but no one came right out and told them to leave. The four sat on stiff benches out in the hallway, each one as silent as a stone. As silent as Xion…

Roxas shifted, unsettled by the thought. He crossed his arms and glanced at his brother. Sora had taken out his cell phone and was typing something furiously. Cloud had leaned over and laid his head on Leon’s shoulder. Roxas straightened up a little, trying to get a clear view of Sora’s screen.

“What are you doing?” he whispered, despite the fact that their fathers were sitting mere centimeters away and could surely hear every single word. It just felt right to keep his voice low in this setting. Not least of all because the nurse looked like she would take any excuse to start enforcing the rules regarding visiting hours. 

“I’m telling everyone else!” Sora hissed back. Only at the sound of the tremor in his voice did Roxas notice his twin’s hands were also shaking. The message was taking so long to write because Sora kept making mistakes.

Roxas slowly pried the phone from his brother’s hands. “Here. Let me do it.”

Sora exhaled sharply and hunched over, hiding his face in his hands. Roxas hit Send just as his brother’s breathing evened out. He moved to give the phone back and held onto his hand while he was at it. After their last heart-to-heart, he knew better than to try and take responsibility for Sora’s pain, but his heart was aching all the same. Sora wasn’t weak… but he felt everything so deeply. It was hard to care for someone who cared so strongly for everyone else.

It was close to three in the morning, but Sora’s phone began going off with responses almost immediately. Kairi and Naminé were the first to check in, promising to come join them as soon as the sun was up and they could reasonably talk their way into a ride.

They didn’t see Yuffie again until dawn. She emerged from Xion’s room looking exhausted, but she offered them a small smile. “The doctors have finally got her stabilized. She’s still unconscious and she’s going to be here for a while… but she’s going to be okay.”

The tension leaked out of them slowly. First from their shoulders and posture, reaching their expressions last. Only Leon’s face remained hard. “What happened?”

“I already told you she was underweight… Apparently, it got to the point where her organs were starting to fail.” For the first time, Yuffie’s voice faltered. “They figure she had to be starving herself for a long time for it to be this bad.”

Leon shook his head, his expression dark. Roxas and Sora exchanged a nervous look. Their father was taking this a lot worse than they’d expected.

“That’s just…” He didn’t even seem able to find the word to suit his anger at the situation.

“And you blame Tifa,” Cloud added quietly, looking sadly at his husband.

“Her daughter was slowly killing herself!” Leon burst out at last. “And she didn’t even notice!”

“Xion isn’t her only responsibility,” Cloud countered evenly. “That doesn’t make this okay… But you know what it’s like to be facing fire on all sides. Not everyone can keep on top of everything.”

Leon just stared at him incredulously for a moment, glancing back and forth between his husband and Yuffie, who’d begun to look a little guilty. “You’ve been keeping up with her?”

Cloud sighed. “I haven’t been in touch with her. But I do know she got married a few years ago and now has three toddlers on top of a teenager to look after. She was my best friend, Leon,” he added when his husband didn’t respond.

Roxas and Sora exchanged another look, and the three adults finally seemed to remember that they had an audience. And they deserved the wide-eyed looks they were getting. This story was certainly adding up a little differently than the one Roxas and Sora had heard, in bits and pieces, their whole lives: Tifa as nothing more than that crazy chick who’d tried to break up their parents’ budding romance.

Yuffie didn’t look like she enjoyed this story any more than Cloud and Leon. “You two already know about my sister’s… crush on your father.”

“It wasn’t a _crush_ ,” Leon interjected, looking more bitter than they’d ever seen him. “Tifa was _obsessed_ with Cloud.”

“They were childhood friends,” Yuffie explained with a sigh when Cloud himself stayed silent. “I actually met Leon through Tifa.”

“When she tried to set us up,” Leon muttered.

Yuffie shot him a look before continuing, “Even back when they were little kids, Tifa had this idea that she and Cloud would grow up, get married, the whole deal. She had it all planned out for about…” Yuffie winced. “Eight years. And then when they were sixteen, Leon moved to town…”

“I’d never shown an interest in anyone until then,” Cloud continued for her, coming to stand beside his husband. “Tifa had assumed this was because, mentally, we’d been on the same page.” It was his turn to wince. “I’d had no idea how far she’d taken her little… fantasies.”

Leon shook his head, still ruffled. “She was practically stalking you by the time our wedding invitations went out. That girl was insane.”

“She’s my sister, Squall,” Yuffie reminded him softly. “And she always will be, regardless of her flaws. It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for her, either. Tifa was devastated when she found out Cloud didn’t love her back.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. Cloud reached out to touch Leon’s arm. Leon didn’t react, but he didn’t push him away, either. Yuffie turned back to the boys.

“Tifa wasn’t in the best state of mind the night of your parents’ wedding. She wasn’t exactly… sober. Tifa doesn’t really remember that night, but ten months later, Xion arrived, so…” Yuffie shrugged. She glanced at the two men before adding quietly, “She’s come a long way since then. Xion really forced her to grow up and get her life back on track. It was just the two of them until about five years ago when Tifa married Sephiroth.”

 Leon turned back to face the rest of them. He seemed to have calmed down. At least enough so that Cloud didn’t even hesitate before asking, “Is she happy?”

Yuffie gave him a small smile. “Yeah. She is. Yuna, Rikku, and Paine came along three years ago. Sephiroth works a lot, but he’s good with them. He kinda reminds me of you sometimes… but the two of you are very different, too.”

In the resulting moment of silence, they got to see the night shift switch over. As the day nurses came on board, they began getting odd looks again. The Strife family excused themselves to the cafeteria, and Yuffie returned to sit with her sister and her niece.

The four were sitting on the stiff cafeteria benches, sunk in a coffee-filled haze, hours later when “Sora! Roxas!” rang out through the quiet room. The entire hospital had a subdued atmosphere about it, and the image of Kairi running towards them just didn’t fit. But there was certainly something refreshing about it.

With an absolute lack of self-consciousness that only Kairi seemed to possess, she slid onto the bench beside the twins. All four seemed a little stunned by her arrival, not that Kairi noticed. An elderly couple—her grandparents, Roxas presumed—were still in the doorway.

“Hey! How’s Xion? Have you seen her? Oh,” the red-haired girl said suddenly, pausing her rapid-fire questions. She turned to their fathers. “It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Kairi.”

Cloud and Leon barely had time to nod before the girl turned back to their sons. “Well? Have you seen her? What happened?”

“Kairi.” Her grandparents had finally caught up. There was a kindly, refined air about the two of them, but her grandmother looked almost as if _she_ were the one who’d been waiting up in a hospital all night. “Slow down. What have we told you about personal space?”

Kairi blinked and sat back. She’d been practically on Sora’s lap, leaning over them as if that would have gotten her answers any more quickly. Her grandparents turned to Cloud and Leon with small smiles and nods. The adults made their introductions and Kairi used this distraction as the perfect excuse to direct her imploring gaze back at the boys.

They quietly filled her in, and she listened just as intently as she’d been pestering them. Her bright eyes grew solemn as they told her what they knew. About halfway through the story, they had to start over because Naminé arrived, a glamorous blond woman and a large, burly man trailing behind her. Axel and Fuu made their appearances as the morning wore on. Before long, only Riku was missing.

The group had dragged over another table by the time Yuffie arrived, leading Tifa along behind her. Of course, their other group mates didn’t recognize the two women, but Sora and Roxas perked up immediately, for more reasons than one. This was the first time either of them had ever actually set eyes on the infamous Tifa.

The effect her appearance had on them was… sobering. She had the distinct look of a woman who was only once-beautiful, emphasized by Naminé’s flashy, model mother sitting just feet away. The night had been tough on all of them, but Tifa looked the most drained of all.

Tifa glanced over the Strife family briefly, easily picking them out of the crowd. She met Cloud’s eyes for less than a second before looking away, never once letting go of Yuffie’s hand. Her younger sister finally let her go, releasing her to drift over to the coffee machine. Tifa took a seat on the other side of the room, and Yuffie stopped by the children’s table just long enough to say, “Xion’s awake, if you want to see her,” before going to join her sister.

Roxas had already known they made an odd group, but this was even more clear outside of their usual setting. Sora cast a few last-minute looks around, but Riku was still nowhere in sight as the six of them made their way up to Xion’s room.

Roxas and Sora both stopped dead in the doorway, one of those few moments where they truly seemed identical. Without all her dark, baggy clothing, it was all too obvious something was wrong. Xion looked like a skeleton, laid up in bed in her hospital gown. But not everyone handled the shock quite so gracelessly.

Kairi waltzed right in, taking a seat beside the bed and taking one of Xion’s hands in her own. Naminé wasn’t far behind, and the others slowly filtered in behind her until the group surrounded her bed. There would be a friendly face no matter where she turned.

Xion was paler than usual, and Kairi’s hand dwarfed hers, but she made an effort to smile at them all.

“How are you feeling?” Naminé asked gently.

Xion swallowed before croaking out, “Not great.”

A wince flitted across Fuu’s normally stoic features, and Roxas couldn’t blame her. The strain on Xion’s vocal cords was hard to miss. All the same, Xion’s voice was oddly… sweet and light. And hearing it for the first time deserved its moment of silence.

“What happened?” Kairi asked, aching for her. To some extent, she’d already been given the details. But no story had only one side, and Xion likely had a different perspective on the situation than the doctors or her aunt.

“It’s stupid,” the previously-silent girl managed, but her eyes were already filling up with tears.

“It can’t be that stupid,” said Sora, trying to keep his voice light. “You wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital if it was.”

The reassuring words were undermined slightly by the way his voice cracked. Sora seemed to take every instance of self-harm a little personally. His pained eyes lingered on Xion’s wrist, which was showing more bones than he'd known the human wrist had.

“Four years ago… My mom got remarried.”

“Do you not like him?” Kairi asked, trying to preserve Xion’s throat.

But Xion shook her head. “That’s not it… Seph makes her happy, and I _want_ her to be happy. I know she gave up a lot to raise me… But now she has a husband and kids she had on purpose…” Now she was fighting against tears as well as simply the amount of time it had been since she’d last spoken. “Now she has the family she always wanted, and I feel guilty about not being able to just be happy for her… But lately I can’t spend time with them without feeling like they’re the perfect family, and I’m just the mistake… The baggage that Mom brought with her.”

There was another moment of silence as Xion caught her breath. Or tried to, anyway. She gasped out, “I just felt so…”

“Unwanted,” Axel finished for her. A darkness had crept into his eyes, and Xion slowly nodded before turning to Roxas.

“You were right… When I stopped speaking… stopped eating… they were all just cries for attention.”

Roxas felt his eyes widen, a little horrified. “That’s not what I… Xion…”

“I guess I wanted to know if anyone would notice if I just disappeared.” Her words dissolved into breathy sobbing.

“All right, I think that’s enough.” The group as a whole, jumped a little, startled by the sound of an outsider’s voice. They turned to see a nurse standing in the doorway. She was young but stern. In less than a minute, the other teens had been evicted and Xion was under sedation again. Xion’s friends received a long lecture on the fragility of her physical state and the effects a turbulent emotional state could have on her.

Having done her noble duty, the nurse stalked off to check in on her other patients, and the group of teens made their stealthy retreat. But being reprimanded so harshly hadn’t left them in quite the subdued state the nurse had been hoping for. In fact, being scolded like… well, unruly teenagers had turned them into such, cracking disrespectful jokes and rolling their eyes, but retreating all the same. Despite the somber tone of their visit, a bubble of laughter worked its way through the group in soft little bursts.

Roxas couldn’t have said why they were all laughing. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep finally getting to them all, hysteria showing its face. Or maybe it was the sheer bizarreness of their setting. They had grown used to the sanctuary of their isolated mansion. To remove those boundaries… Yeah, it was probably just the lack of sleep.

All the same. Looking at their group now… They sort of looked like just another group of friends. And, if possible, that was the strangest thing of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to both start and end this on a light note... With all the angst in the middle. Rereading it now, the light air at the end does feel a little too soon after their meeting with Xion.


	16. The Broken Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. This chapter adds a non-graphic Rape Aftermath tag. But mostly this chapter is just Sora being a good friend. The rape is something that is silently acknowledged but not really discussed. In other words, we're finally getting back to Riku.

Roxas saw his brother coming before Sora had even decided to get up, and he felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. No matter how much progress they’d made, Sora was still Sora, prone to his impulsive moments.

The group had returned to the hospital’s cafeteria, quiet but no longer tense. And with the exception of Kairi, who’d been quickly whisked away by her grandparents, they were all still there. It may have been an odd place to just hang out, but the adults were still chatting comfortably, and no one seemed inclined to leave.

“Where’s Yuffie?” Roxas had asked Cloud, and he’d pointed to that same table over in the corner where Tifa and Yuffie had been joined by Aerith. Even from a distance, it was clear they were deep into a very serious conversation. Quickly deciding they were better left alone, the kids settled down around their own tables.

But Sora had been scanning the room anxiously ever since, and it was no great secret what—or rather, _who_ —he was looking for. Aerith had arrived alone. The last member of their group was still nowhere in sight, and Roxas knew his brother wouldn’t be able to let this go.

The blond twin sighed, and Axel, seated across the table, quirked an eyebrow. He was cavalierly shuffling a well-worn deck of cards. (So well-worn, in fact, that most of them were burnt around the edges. A personal touch, Roxas was sure.) But Axel didn’t have to wait long to understand his new friend’s fallen expression.

A second later, Sora slid into the seat beside his brother.

“Hey,” Axel started to greet him, but Sora ignored him, uncharacteristically curt.

“I need a favor,” he said, then frowned. Roxas had mouthed the words as he’d said them.

“There’s no point in asking you to take it slow, is there?”

Axel was glancing between the two of them quizzically but didn’t interrupt. He didn’t seem frustrated by his inability to follow the conversation. If anything, he looked amused, like they were putting on a show.

“Can I at least ask you to be careful?”

“Of course.”

“I’m serious, Sora. I know you trust him, but Riku is… shady. There are a lot of things that don’t add up.”

“I do trust him,” Sora replied firmly. “And I need _you_ to trust _me_. I know something’s wrong, Roxas. I can’t really explain it, but I _know_.”

There was a moment of tense silence until finally, Roxas sighed. “All right, fine. But _wait_ a minute.” Because Sora had already made to take off. “We’re not doing this without a proper alibi this time.”

**…………**

Ten minutes later, Roxas was seated in the back of a limousine with Axel. This experience would have been a lot more exciting, if not for the dread remaining deep in his gut.

“Cheer up,” said Axel, still shuffling his deck of cards in the most irritating way. “I’m sure your brother will be fine. I mean, Riku’s a jerk, but I don’t think he’d hurt him. Isn’t he still on, like, probation or something?”

“You’re not helping,” Roxas deadpanned.

“Right, sorry. Here, just focus on the look on your parents’ faces when you told them you wanted to stay over.”

The thought did bring a smile to his face, at least briefly. Both Leon and Cloud had stared at their sons blankly when they’d made their request. The twins had made friends since their adoption, but there had always remained a certain… distance between their household and the rest of the world. The two had been so caught off-guard, they hadn’t even thought to contact Axel’s parents before agreeing. Just as Roxas had hoped. Sora would be safe from any parental hovering, at least. He doubted their fathers would call to check in that night.

Which left his brother to work things out with Riku… and Roxas to find something to fill the rest of his day with Axel.

“Yeah… We’ve never done anything like this before.”

Axel’s next smile was… softer somehow. “Well, I guess having a twin must be like having a sleepover every day.”

“On the good days. There are times I wish Sora knew how to give me some space,” he said with a shrug. There was a moment of silence, and Roxas continued to observe the older boy out of the corner of his eye, looking for some hidden meaning in his words. “You don’t… have any siblings?”

Axel shook his head slowly. “I thought I told you once before. My parents only had time for one kid… And barely, at that. I saw the maid more than my own mother.”

“Sounds… lonely,” Roxas said at last before quickly looking away. One would think he wouldn’t be so uncomfortable discussing emotional topics after spending the last few months listening to people bare their souls—and baring his own—in group.

“There was a lot of pressure,” Axel replied, not really addressing his friend’s point. “They treated me kind of like an investment.” He gave a sharp laugh. “Well, I guess they got their time’s worth. …And nothing more.”

Roxas only hummed in response and turned to look out the window. They were moving into the ritzier part of town. Much as Axel tried to distract him, he couldn’t keep his mind off his brother. It was sure to be an interesting night.

**…………**

Sora let out a deep breath as he crested the final hill. It had taken him the better part of the day to make it from the hospital to Riku’s neighborhood. Axel had offered to make his driver take him there, but if he was being honest, he’d wanted the time to himself. So he’d made the journey on foot, staying out of sight of the main roads.

He hadn’t been lying… He _was_ certain that something was wrong. He could feel it deep within his bones. He just wished he knew what exactly he was walking into.

The little cottage where Riku lived was as dark as ever, even though the sun had not yet set. They could really afford to cut down a few trees.

Sora took a deep breath and started picking his way past the last trees. The scene before him was about as still as could be. Whatever was wrong, it wasn’t obvious. Not from the outside, at least.

Sora took one last step, leaving him standing on their dilapidated porch, right in front of the door. This was the closest he’d ever gotten to the house. He kept waiting for Riku to storm out and force him back, as he had the previous times. But the house before him remained silent.

Should he knock? Did he really want to risk being the one to disturb this stillness?

He reached out a hand to touch the peeling paint, and quickly jerked it back when the door creaked inward a few inches. The lock must have been broken. He supposed it was a good thing this place was so isolated. They could barely keep their front door closed.

“Riku?” he called hesitantly, knowing full well his voice wasn’t loud enough to alert anyone to his presence.

A strong wind sent the door creaking open even further. When that sound didn’t bring anyone to investigate, Sora took his first step inside.

The door opened into a dark hallway. The entire house consisted of one floor. He could see straight back to the other wall. There was an entryway directly to his right. This room had no door, and a quick peek inside revealed a living room. The dim light flashing from the small television set illuminated tattered furniture and—

Sora sucked in a sharp breath and quickly pulled his head back. When the house remained silent and still, he slowly looked back in.

Slouched down in the ratty armchair was a man Sora had never seen before. Taking in the silver hair, he reasoned this must be Riku’s father, and it occurred to him that he’d never seen anyone pick Riku up from their sessions. But this just raised a few more questions.

From what little Riku had shared about his father… Sora didn’t even want to think about that. What was Riku still doing living in this house? What about being moved to a foster home? Had that ever even happened? Or had he and his brother just assumed such? Sora wracked his brain. Had Riku ever mentioned anything of the sort? He couldn’t remember.

Sora left Riku’s father sleeping in the living room and moved deeper into the house. The kitchen was on his left and, though there was nothing but a very basic set-up inside, he stopped again. So far, the entire house struck him as being very… bare. Without quite realizing it, he’d expected to find a stereotypical scene of desolation.

Though dark, the house was clearly falling apart but not dirty. And there weren’t any empty beer bottles lying around or anything. If anything, the order of the house put Sora even more on edge. It wasn’t that alcoholism or a serious drug problem would’ve excused the things he’d done… but if not some outside force seriously impairing his sense of reality… what could possess a person to treat their child the way Riku’s father had? Were some people just inherently evil? Sora didn’t like to think so, but everything about this house seemed to point to the contrary.

He guessed the bedrooms were the last two rooms, but he never made it that far. Just past the kitchen was a small bathroom, and leaning up against the sink was Riku. The older boy looked paler than ever and exhausted, too. He jumped visibly when he caught sight of Sora in the mirrored cabinet overhead.

Riku spun around but ultimately fell back against the sink again with a wince. Now that he was facing him, Sora could see just how bad his friend looked. He had thrown on a baggy vest and sweatpants but was bare underneath. Sora could clearly see a new bruise blooming on his collarbone, and his abdomen was still a mess of older, healing traumas.

“Riku.” He took another step forward, and then they were both inside the tiny bathroom. Sora remained just inches away, unsure what to do.

“What the hell are you doing here?” The words lacked Riku’s usual vehemence. In fact, he sounded too worn out to even be properly surprised.

“I had to make sure you were all right,” Sora replied earnestly. “When you didn’t show, I knew something was wrong.”

“Show where?”

“The hospital. You didn’t get my text?”

Riku shook his head and moved to step away from the sink but quickly decided against it when he was struck by another jolt of pain.

Sora took note of the way his legs were positioned, how he was using the sink to stay upright. Their eyes met for just a second, and in that second, they silently acknowledged what had happened in this house just hours earlier.

There was a burning in the back of Sora’s throat. It made him sick to think that something so terrible could happen to someone like Riku. He just couldn’t imagine the older boy staying put in a place where he was continuously abused.

Sora didn’t look up from his shoes as Riku cleared his throat. “He’s a lot stronger than he looks.”

Sora didn’t answer. He didn’t want to think about Riku being held down and—

He shuddered and then immediately hoped it wasn’t too noticeable. Riku sighed. “There’s a towel on a hook behind my door. Go get it for me?”

“Yeah, sure.” Sora hurried down the hall. Riku’s room was the last door. Like the rest of the house, it too was lacking any personal touches. Sora didn’t take much time to look around. He grabbed the old towel off its hook and returned to the bathroom.

Riku had moved to sit on the lip of the bathtub, which was already filling up with water. Sora set the towel down on the counter and stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“You know…” he started haltingly. “I’ve heard… I mean, you’re not supposed to—“

“I’m not going for any medical exams,” Riku cut him off firmly. His tone left no room for argument, and Sora bit back any further persuasions.

Riku jerked a thumb at the door and Sora took the hint. Sora stepped slid the door to the bathroom closed until he could only see a sliver of the wall inside—Riku and the bathtub blocked from view. He took a seat out in the hallway. There were the sounds of Riku shucking off his clothes and tossing them across the room, sliding into the water.

And then there was silence. Sora and Riku sat in semi-peaceful, amicable silence.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sora knew this peace that had fallen over them was out of place. He should have been worried about Riku’s father waking up. He should have been stressing about what to do next, how to help his friend. But for now, Sora was willing to take whatever Riku was ready to give.

And Riku… Riku was keenly aware of Sora sitting on the other side of the wall. But that didn’t bother him. He wasn’t sure when exactly, but somewhere along the way, Sora had stopped being a nuisance and started being a friend. A constant presence in his life that wasn’t wholly unwelcome.

The moment was a bit surreal, if he stopped to think about it. Riku never would have thought he could feel this comfortable around this kid… This kid who seemed too small to protect anyone, too bright to have experienced what he had, and all too blind to personal boundaries. But there was no denying it. The boy just radiated a certain kindness. Sora made him feel… safe.

They lost track of time as Riku soaked in the tub. And when he finally did get out, something had shifted between them. Sora’s distress at the situation had softened, but his determination had only gotten stronger.

Riku finally emerged with the towel wrapped around his waist, his discarded clothing bunched up in his other hand. The two didn’t say a word as Riku walked to his room, but Sora was pleased to note the absence of a pronounced limp. Only a slight awkwardness to his gait. 

Once Riku’s door was closed, Sora rose to his feet and reentered the bathroom. Their medicine cabinet wasn’t stocked with much, but he grabbed a bottle of painkillers and brought them to the door.

“Come in,” Riku called at his soft knock. The older boy had changed into more loose, comfortable clothing, and for once, all the tension that he carried around seemed to be gone. He was laid out over his blankets, but he caught the bottle easily when Sora tossed it to him. “Thanks.”

Sora took a deep breath as Riku swallowed a few dry. “You’re not staying here tonight,” he declared.

Riku was silent for a moment, watching him from his position on the bed. At last, he said, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually rather short, now that I'm reflecting back on it. It felt very big (in context if not length) when I first wrote it, which I guess is still true. We haven't reached the reveal of Riku's story just yet, but we're making progress.


	17. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think you all know the drill by now. This chapter brings the Mental Health Issues tag back into play. More specifically in the new tag of Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Which also brings the Rape and Child Abuse tags back to the forefront. And there's a vague mention of Self-Harm in the beginning with Axel and Roxas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have finally reached the Riku chapter. I'm really interested to see how this one goes over. There is a little more to go into; Riku will remain a focus character for the rest of the story-- more so than before anyway-- but

The heavy, overstuffed bag fell to the ground with an audible thump, and Roxas reached his other hand up to massage his shoulder. Axel’s driver had stopped at the twins’ house on the way so Roxas could pack an overnight bag. Feeling a little paranoid, Roxas had stopped in his brother’s room as well. Cloud and Leon hadn’t returned yet, and he doubted they’d check, but…

Roxas had left his brother’s room a little too messy, even for Sora. And now his overnight bag was packed with enough to sustain him for a week. But even with all the precautions he’d taken, Roxas knew they wouldn’t completely quell his worries. Where was Sora right now, he couldn’t help wondering? Had he made it to Riku’s yet? And what had he found when he got there?

“You coming?”

Roxas was startled out of his wondering. Axel was already halfway up the staircase. He’d stopped to look back once he’d realized his friend was no longer right on his heels. The older boy watched him for a minute. His eyes dropped to the bag on the floor.

“You can just leave that there, if you want. Someone will bring them up.”

Roxas shook his head. He had the strangest urge to laugh. Being here was a bit of a culture shock, to say the least. Roxas’s memories of their first home were few and far between, but he knew is biological parents hadn't been nearly as well-off as his adoptive ones, and he’d had a similar experience when they’d first been taken in. His most vivid childhood memories were of their time on the streets of Hollow Bastion. Moving in with Cloud and Leon after _that_ had been like living in a paradise. This actual mansion that Axel called home was like another world entirely.

It had taken them the better part of an hour just to reach the other end of town. He distinctly recalled Axel’s smirk when the house had come into view. It was too big to see the whole thing from the driveway. They’d entered through the front door to find a meticulously cleaned and organized entrance hall, into a sitting room that was clearly all for display, and beyond to another hallway.

It was here that Roxas had dropped his bag. He could see a sliver of an industrial-level kitchen farther down the hall and began to wonder where all the servants who kept this place in such pristine condition were.

He left Axel without a response just a second longer, taking a final look around. This place was impressive… but it didn’t feel lived in. Everything was just a little too perfect. The sky had clouded over on the drive here, and no one was around to turn on any lights, so the whole place had a shadowy look. In short, it was… sad.

At last, Axel let out an impatient huff. “Cool, so I’ll be upstairs whenever you’re done staring.” And he left him behind without another glance.

Roxas hurriedly picked his bag back up to follow. He couldn’t tell if he’d offended Axel or not, and the thought made him uneasy. They’d shared their darkest memories, but they didn’t actually know each other that well. The two were still in the earliest stages of their friendship.

The staircase wound up through the ceiling and spit him out into a surprisingly simple hallway. It was still a little too ornate to be considered truly homey, but at least these rooms didn’t seem to exist solely to impress guests.

Axel hadn’t turned on any lights, but he’d lit candles along the hallway as he went. The older boy certainly had a flair for dramatics. Axel’s room was at the very end of the hallway and easily the darkest place in the house. His windows backed into the woods. He wouldn’t be seeing much sunlight even without the clouds.

But there were candles lit on every available surface, giving the room an eerie glow. Axel himself was lounging easily on his bed, flicking a lighter and staring pensively into the flame.

“It’s therapeutic,” Axel said before Roxas could comment. “And a lesson in willpower. I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. Simply taking away my weapon of choice doesn’t really prevent me from hurting myself. So I say leave the weapon in reach and learn to resist the temptation.”

“Makes sense to me,” Roxas said with only a hint of the awkwardness he was feeling. Axel was uncharacteristically serious. After a moment of silence, Roxas added, “You know, there are, like, actual studies on how sitting in the dark affects depression.”

Axel jerked a finger at the wall beside the door in that same careless way Roxas was starting to grow used to. The blond boy dropped his bag again and flipped on the light, harshly illuminating the room. He blinked in the sudden brightness, understanding now why Axel kept the place muted. This lighting just didn’t suit the older boy.

“So what happens now?” Axel asked.

“What do you mean?” Roxas replied.

“Our group is officially one member down. I mean, yeah, Xion never spoke, but it’s still gonna change everything.”

Roxas shifted uncomfortably. “Xion won’t be in the hospital forever.”

Axel flicked off the flame and gave Roxas a pointed look. “Yeah, but after something so drastic… She ended up in the _hospital_. Whoever her primary counselor is, they’re gonna decide this group thing isn’t working.”

Roxas’s brow furrowed. He and Sora hadn’t seen Dr. Vexen for months, not since starting group therapy. It was disconcerting to think he still had any influence over their lives. “It _is_ working, though.”

“Not for Xion. Not really.”

It was a sobering truth. Roxas took a hesitant seat at the end of Axel’s bed. Their lives weren’t all sunshine and butterflies. Aerith had said so on the night of their very first meeting. And even as far as they’d come, these sessions wouldn’t take away the harsh realities of their lives.

“There is something else.” Axel’s expression had turned grim. He looked like he hated even the thought of what he had to say next. “With Xion gone… that leaves our group with an opening.”

Roxas recoiled visibly at the possibility. Maybe they weren’t terribly close, but their group setting had taken on the feel of a sacred space. The idea of a new addition just felt inherently wrong somehow.

After a long moment of silence, Roxas said haltingly, “I don’t… handle change well.”

Axel barked out a laugh, the sound overly loud in their current setting. “Do any of us?”

Roxas was finally starting to relax. This mansion wasn’t so imposing when it was just him and Axel, hanging out like a couple of regular teenagers. “I don’t know… Kairi would probably take it pretty well. Naminé, too.”

Axel shook his head. “That girl… She could stand to tone it down a bit.”

“She means well,” Roxas said, though it felt like a weak consolation.

“She’s a little too aggressive for my tastes,” Axel said, looking a little exasperated. “She’s just all over the place. Did I tell you she showed up here once, trying to set up some sort of sit-down between me and my parents? I know she has good intentions, but seriously, let me handle my own shit.”

“Yeah…” Now that he’d faced the brunt of his own demons, Roxas found that he agreed with them both. Axel was right in the sense that everyone needed to learn to rely on themselves. On the other hand, he doubted he would have actually done it, at least not so quickly, without Naminé pushing him forward.

His musings were interrupted by the sound of his cell phone ringing. Both boys jumped, and Roxas quickly fumbled around with his pockets until he located his phone. “Hello? Sora? What’s going on?”

Axel waited curiously, unable to hear the other Strife twin’s side of the conversation. He watched as Roxas’s expression slowly grew grim. “Yeah, okay. Don’t worry. We’ll be there soon.”

Roxas opened his mouth to address Axel only to find that the redhead had gotten to his feet before he even had time to hang up the phone. Axel gave him another smirk, a friendlier one.

“Ready when you are,” he said, without even waiting for an explanation. “Let’s go save the day.”

**…………**

The two boys were waiting out by the main road, leaning back against the trees by the time Roxas and Axel arrived. Riku had remained almost disturbingly comfortable inside that house, but Sora had finally begun to get uneasy.

The two had slowly made their way across Riku’s yard. Sora kept waiting for Xemnas, Riku’s father, to wake up and come raging after them, but the afternoon remained quiet. The two boys had maintained that silence, settling in to wait for their ride, until Riku had asked, “So why were you all at the hospital earlier?”

And Sora had filled him in as best he could about Xion. Riku had listened quietly. He hadn’t appeared nearly as surprised or dismayed as Sora had been. His retelling had been long and complicated, a little jumbled, and by the time he was done, a regal black limousine pulled up alongside them.

Riku met the arrival with that same blank expression. Sora glanced at him nervously as the limousine slowed to a halt. He knew Roxas would be waiting inside, equipped with a million questions. He hoped his brother and Axel were at least tactful enough not to make Riku even more uncomfortable. But his concerns about Roxas and Axel’s reactions were nothing compared to his worries of how Cloud and Leon would take it.

**…………**

The sound of typing filled the otherwise silent house. For once, the door to Cloud’s study was left wide open. The man was so intent on the screen in front of him; it wasn’t hard for Leon to sneak up and wrap his arms around his husband.

Cloud jumped, sending an accidental line of J’s down the page. He relaxed a little when he realized who it was and slowly started tapping the backspace key, one letter at a time.

“Our first night alone in more than ten years, and you’re working?” Leon said with a smile. But he frowned a little as his eyes scanned the page. “You’re updating it? I didn’t think you were still writing out our history.”

Cloud sighed and removed his hands from the keyboard to rub them wearily down his face. “It’s… therapeutic. Like a journal, I guess. It’ll never be published. I could never do that to the boys. But it helps. When my day’s been especially crazy, it helps to write it all down… make it simple and orderly, at least on paper.”

Leon nodded a little gravely. “Does your retelling include the part where your husband was a total dick about your childhood friend?”

Cloud chuckled. “I may have glossed over a few things.”

Leon straightened up until only his hands were left on Cloud’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. There’s just something about Tifa that brings out the worst in me. I know that’s not an excuse, but…”

“I get it. Tifa and I will never get back what we had as children. I think there’s some blame all around for that. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Leon scoffed. “You say that like you believe in fate.”

Cloud smirked up at him. “Too many control issues for that. But it’s nice to be a little sentimental every once in a while.”

Leon smiled softly back. The two had just started to relax into each other when they heard the front door open downstairs. Leon leaned back and gave Cloud a pointed look, like, _Did you expect any less?_

But the voices they heard whispering on the stairs were not the two boys they’d been expecting…

**…………**

It wasn’t long before their living room was set up like an interrogation den. That was certainly how it felt to the boys, anyway. Sora and Riku were seated on the couch. Cloud and Leon had positioned their armchairs directly across from them. Four mugs of tea had been placed on a small table between the two pairs, though only Cloud had touched his.

They’d been sitting in silence for a while. Riku was now dressed properly, but several bruises were still visible. The boy was sitting with his hands clasped firmly, his head down. His silver hair was covering his eyes, and he had yet to say a word… but there was clearly a story here, just waiting to be told.

The two men seemed content to wait this out, but Sora glanced at the other boy nervously. “Riku…”

“We’d like to help you,” Cloud offered when the boy remained silent. “But we can’t if you don’t talk to us.”

“You’re a lawyer?” Riku looked up for the first time, but his words weren’t directed at Cloud.

Slowly, Leon nodded.

“Then I’ve got nothing to say. I’ll leave if you don’t want me here.”

The two adults exchanged a look. “Riku, you’re welcome to stay here, but we need some sort of explanation.”

“I guess I’ll go get my stuff then.”

 He made to stand up, but Leon cut in before he could, “The police will get there before you do.”

“Excuse me?” Riku had morphed back into the cold, angry boy they’d met during their very first group session. He and Leon were staring each other down.

“I’d imagine child services would have a thing or two to say about your injuries.”

“Dad…” Sora said, looking a little horrified at the way this meeting was unfolding.

But Leon’s words had met their mark. For the first time, Riku faltered. “You can’t!” He looked a little panicked. “He’s just… He’s… sick.”

The adults met this news calmly. Cloud said, “Your father? We can get someone to go stay with him, if he needs it. But you’re not going back tonight. At least, not until you answer a few questions.”

Riku slowly sat back down, his posture defeated.

“Your father gave you those?” Cloud said again, pointing out his bruises, to clarify.

“Not… intentionally. I mean, not really…”

There was a moment of silence as they waited to see if he would elaborate. He did not. Riku’s jaw was set stiffly. At this rate, they would have to pry the story from him, one word at a time.

Leon made a show of trying to relax, make the atmosphere a little lighter. “Okay… Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

It took a minute—one tense minute—but Riku did seem to loosen up a little. “I’m not sure I know where the beginning is anymore.”

The ghost of a smile flitted over Cloud’s face. _Success…_ “Wherever you want it to be.”

“…My mother died when I was five,” he began at last. “And, I mean, that was bad, but it’s not… where it started. I don’t remember her too well. My dad never remarried after she died. It was just the two of us for years. And then, when I was twelve, something… changed.”

“Changed?” Sora repeated. He wondered if Riku was aware that everyone else had leaned forward in grim anticipation.

“The first time…” Riku’s gaze was planted firmly on his knees. His entire frame was shaking with tension. “It… It started out just like any other day. But when I got back from school… He shouldn’t have been home already. He’d started taking longer shifts when I got old enough to stay home alone. Something was wrong. I mean, he didn’t look sick, not really. Something was just _wrong_.”

“You don’t need to go into the rest,” Leon said when his words stalled. Sora had filled them in as Riku had settled himself on their couch, confidentiality be damned. It was the closest the brunet twin had ever come to accomplishing a whisper.

“It wasn’t… he just hit me at first. The other stuff came later. He was so angry… And I had no idea why. He’d never hit me before, and he was so horrified afterwards… I thought it would be a one-time thing. I just wanted to put it behind me. He was all I had,” Riku repeated.

“You don’t need to justify it to us,” Cloud said in that voice he reserved for soothing agitated teenagers, and occasionally adults, during his martial arts lessons.

“It wasn’t a one-time thing,” Riku went on flatly. “It went on for months. He’d be fine one minute and furious the next. Some of his… outbursts were worse than others. And then, over Christmas and New Year’s, Uncle Xehanort came to visit. He’s the only other family I have, and he travels for business, so we don’t see him much. I tried to tell him what was going on… He took Dad to a private doctor after the holidays… They said he had a brain tumor.”

He was quiet for a moment as that sank in. As he’d hoped, that was really all the explanation he needed on the subject. The Strife family had become quite well-versed in the world of mental illness and the things that could cause such drastic changes in personality and behavior.

“If my research is right,” said Leon slowly, “it sounds like intermittent explosive disorder.” He glanced at Cloud for confirmation. “That can be brought on by something like a head injury… or an unfortunately-placed tumor.” 

“Right…” said Riku. He still hadn’t relaxed much. But then, the story wasn’t over. “Sometimes he wouldn’t even remember what he’d done.”

“Riku,” Cloud prompted softly, steering him back on track.

“Right, so.” Riku took a deep breath. “Xehanort didn’t mention anything he’d done, but when the hospital found out it was just Dad and me at home… they called social services. They made me take a medical exam… So they found the bruises, at least, and I think they guessed the rest.”

“But you’re still living there.” Sora’s voice and expression were pained. Both of his fathers seemed to be considering intervention, asking Sora to wait in another room, but Riku didn’t seem particularly unnerved by their son’s show of emotion. The two boys had struck up their own dynamic. It was a little unconventional, but it worked.

“Yeah… Uncle Xehanort has a lot of pull in a lot of places. They worked something out before we even had to go to court. Xehanort agreed to move in and keep an eye on things, and they were able to surgically remove the tumor. The first one…”

Riku looked up again, and now there was a pleading look in his eyes. “You have to understand, when he’s not sick, things are like they used to be. But the tumors keep growing back…”

“And Xehanort?” Leon asked.

“He couldn’t leave his job, especially now that we’ve got all these medical bills. But that means he’s gone, sometimes for months at a time. And he can be a little… We’re not close. He can be hard to get in touch with…” Riku trailed off.

“And all these connections he has. He hasn’t used them to find another job, closer to home?” Leon was getting agitated. Cloud shot him a look.

“Uncle Xehanort is very… proud,” Riku tried to explain with a grimace. “When I tried to tell him how bad it can be… He doesn’t want to believe his own brother is capable of something like molesting his own son.”

It was almost comical how quickly Riku clammed up. Throughout the whole story, this was the first time he’d addressed Xemnas’s worst moments directly. But Sora’s fathers were nothing if not professional.  

“So how did you end up in Aerith’s group,” Cloud asked, not unkindly, “if your uncle is so determined to keep this quiet?”

“It’s been three years since it started.” It sounded as if Riku was ignoring him completely, but Cloud was patient. “The number of times I’ve been told I should be ashamed for turning my back on my own father in three years… It hurt at first. Then, after a while, I was just angry. I _am_ angry. All the time. I’ve done a lot of stupid things. For attention, I guess. Like getting into fights at school. I didn’t really have much of a plan. I just wanted _someone_ to see what was going on, because Xehanort refused to.”

“Why didn’t you just tell someone?” Sora had not lost his pained expression, but he was determined to make it through to the end, to understand his new friend and all that he was facing.

“It’s not… that simple. I really don’t want my dad sent to jail or anything. I mean, he’s still my dad. But I also know that the way we’re handling all this isn’t right and…” He trailed off and turned his palms upward. “And I don’t know what to do. All my options screw somebody over. Usually me. But anger management didn’t magic all my problems away. Group therapy isn’t making much progress either, so… Here I am.”

There was a long moment of silence. At last, Cloud said, “Sora. There’s an air mattress down in the basement. Why don’t you two go set it up in your room?”

The two boys just stared at him for a minute. Like, _That’s it?_

And Cloud smiled. “Believe me, we’ll have some tough decisions to make in the morning. For now, I think you should get some rest. After tonight, we all need it.”


	18. The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More discussions of Self-Harm, Homophobia, and Divorce in this chapter. (Near the end-- most of this chapter is Roxas thinking about the future and patching things up with his friends.) Also, I've added blanket 'Insecurity' and 'Trust Issues' tags to this story. It feels really vague-- everyone is insecure about something, and I like my tags to be more specific-- but it does fit and has been relevant to various characters all the way through. In this chapter specifically, it's mostly referring to Fuu and why she hasn't really opened up to the group before now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In hindsight, the placement feels a little strange, but this is where Seifer comes back into play. But maybe that's just because I've been editing and uploading these chapters at such a quick pace. (I know when I was first writing it, I always felt like I wasn't meshing their group interactions with his school life very well.) We are moving right along, and there are still a few more stories to go into. And Seifer's and Fuu's stories are intertwined.

Neither boy spoke all through the time spent retrieving and blowing up the air mattress. Now that Sora’s room was all set up, there was barely room to walk. He’d had quite a job, pushing the mess Roxas had made to the sides. In short, his room had seen better days. Not that Riku seemed to mind.

The older boy sat down on the mattress now, looking quite pensive. Sora knelt on the carpet beside him, watching. He was hesitant to interrupt the moment, but Sora had never been one to just let things lie.

“So…” he said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “That was… intense.”

To his surprise, Riku began to laugh. He lay back on the air mattress, bouncing a little as he did so. “You are just so… eloquent sometimes, you know that?”

Sora grinned back at him. Despite the hell he’d just relived, Riku appeared surprisingly relaxed. Sora sort of understood. He expected Riku felt similarly to the way he had felt after divulging their story to the group. It had been liberating, especially after holding on to such a story for so long.

But at the same time, Riku clearly had little to no experience just hanging out like a regular teenager. Every single one of their interactions was still experimental. Riku smiled briefly at him again before slowly lying back. Sora tossed him a pillow and began getting ready for bed himself. It had been a long, long day. They would talk more in the morning.

**…………**

“Can you believe it’s already June?”

Roxas couldn’t suppress a laugh. “We are exciting, exciting people.”

Axel flashed him a grin. “I’m serious. It’s practically summer already. In, like, two weeks, I’ll be out of high school for good.”

“Lucky you.”

The two had spread out on Axel’s bedroom floor. They were laying on their backs, tossing small objects up toward the ceiling and catching them as gravity took its course. Roxas had to say, he _was_ a little surprised. Sure, Axel was the right age, but the blond had never pegged him as the studious type. If he was getting ready to graduate now, he must have never been held back, and he didn't seem to have any worries about last-minute extra credit or make-up work. Apparently, the older boy was a _smart_ delinquent.

“What are you going to do?” Roxas asked when the silence stretched on. “College?”

Axel made a face like this was the last thing he wanted to discuss, even though he was the one who had brought it up. “I don’t know… College seems like a bit of a waste when I don’t have any plans… Although, it might feel nice to waste my parents’ money…”

Roxas was quietly contemplative again. Only two more weeks… And then his first year of high school would be over. Any other teenager would be making plans for the summer right about now. But with all the craziness in his life lately, Roxas had lost track of time. Immediately, he assumed this summer would be like all the others. But then he remembered. There was something different about this year.

“Are you still moping about your brother?” Axel interrupted his musings.

“No. I’m sure they’re fine now. Whatever’s going on with Riku, Cloud and Leon can handle it.”

“So what is it?”

Their hands had stilled. Roxas twirled his cell phone between his fingers. Axel had set aside his lighter completely. At last, Roxas asked, “Do you have any friends? Outside of our group, I mean.”

Axel scoffed. “What do you think?”

“Well, I do. Kind of. I have a group of school friends.”

Axel shrugged. “That’s not so surprising. You’ve got that brooding, boy band look about you. That tends to attract people.”

It was Roxas’s turn to scoff. “What? I do not.”

Axel reached a hand over to ruffle his wild blond hair. Roxas smacked his hand away, scowling at the redhead’s grin.

“All the same,” Axel continued, letting it drop. “You come across as troubled, not crazy. And people can tell the difference. Trust me.”

“Sure. Well… I don’t know if I’ll still have them by the end of the summer.”

“Are they bad friends?”

“No…” His mind flashed to Hayner, Pence, and Olette. He hadn’t known them for very long. They’d all come to Twilight Academy from different districts. But he did enjoy their company. And having friends apart from his brother did feel like a step in the right direction.

But then he thought of the last time he’d really spoken to Hayner. That recollection made him wince.

“I mean, we don’t always get along. Hayner can be kind of intense. And I don’t… communicate as well as I could. We didn’t leave off on the best terms.”

Axel shrugged again. “So get back in touch with him. Talk it over.”

Roxas gave him a look that clearly said, _Like it’s really that easy?_

“They’re _your_ friends,” Axel pointed out. “You know them better than I do. If they’re worth keeping around, you’ll find a way to make that happen. Be brave. Channel Naminé if you have to. It’s your call. What are you willing to do to keep their friendship?”

“…Wow,” Roxas said at last. “That was deep.”

They both laughed, a little awkwardly, and settled back into their now-comfortable banter.

**…………**

But the next morning, Roxas was still lingering on Axel’s advice. The house was still empty and silent when they woke up and made their way downstairs to fix themselves breakfast.

He was a little surprised to learn that Axel didn’t have some sort of live-in chef. The mansion was stocked with more food than such a small family could possibly know what to do with, but Axel informed him that the maids really only came through in the middle of the day. They were paid to keep everything pristine and move on. Axel was expected to care for himself with all the money and supplies provided.

The whole setup was bizarre to Roxas, but even he knew it looked a little funny for the two of them to be so alone in such a grand house, fixing themselves cold cereal for breakfast.

They ate, for the most part, in silence. Roxas was still quietly contemplative. Axel appeared almost bored. When they were finished, the older boy brought their dishes to the sink for the maids to attend to later and said, “The driver should be here soon. I’ll have him drop you off first. My classes are practically all review for finals this time of year.”

They were in the car when Roxas spoke up. “Do you think the group will break up?”

“What?” The question seemed to take Axel by surprise.

“You’re turning eighteen in a few months,” Roxas said. “You said it yourself. Xion probably won’t be coming back. I don’t know what’s wrong with Riku, but it could be serious enough to keep him away too. I know Naminé is still on board, but I think she’s already gotten everything out of this that she can. That leaves Kairi, who can’t remember anything but seems to have moved on already. Fuu, who’s still not talking, and Sora and me. We’re not much of a group with just the four of us.”

“Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself?” Axel, who had been so quick to point it out the night before, now seemed uncomfortable at the very thought.

Roxas just shrugged. He had other things to worry about anyway. As they turned onto his school’s street, the blond pulled out his phone and began writing a few hurried text messages. He didn’t get a single response before the limo pulled up on the side of the curb, but all three were waiting for him outside the school gates when he got there.

The three were pressed up against the wall, out of sight of anyone peering through the front windows. They all shifted a little when he stepped into view, the limo taking off behind him. Olette looked a little nervous, but pleased to see him, too. The same could be said for Pence, who greeted him with a small, puzzled smile. Only Hayner looked truly tense, jutting his chin out defiantly. He was also the one to initiate contact.

“So? What is it?” The other blond was slouching against the bricks. Forced casualty.

Olette glanced between the two, clearly wishing to prevent another serious confrontation. “It’s just… we’re missing first period.”

“I know,” said Roxas, determined not to lose his cool this time. Hayner liked to test people; he knew that. He wasn’t here to challenge him. “I called you all here… so I could apologize.”

No one seemed to know how to respond to this. Olette seemed surprised, Pence confused, and Hayner almost ashamed. He finally looked down.

“Apologize for what?” Pence asked.

“I haven’t been totally open with you guys. It’s not like that’s some big secret. You all know some… stuff has been going on in my life, and we all kind of just pretend otherwise. But you guys are the first people I’ve connected with of my own volition since… everything that happened with my mom.” He cleared his throat, avoiding their uncomfortable looks. He wondered if he’d ever be able to discuss his past without choking on the words.  “And I don’t want to lose that connection just because I don’t know how to talk about my problems.”

Pence gave him a relieved smile. “Oh, is that all?”

Olette seemed to relax a little, too. “Roxas, of course we still want to be friends.”

She looked between the other two, as if she could pull them closer with her eyes alone. “We’re not exactly your usual group of friends… We came together kind of just because we didn’t fit in anywhere else. But… Well, I always thought we had some sort of silent agreement that we all liked it this way.”

“Yeah,” Pence agreed. “So we’re not perfect. At least we’re free to be ourselves, right? Flaws and all.”

“It’s fine with us if you don’t want to share everything,” Olette picked back up. “But—“

“We’re here to listen, if you do,” Hayner finished for her. He and Roxas locked eyes for a moment, and a silent understanding passed between them. It was possible they would always be at odds. Hayner was at odds with the _world_. He had a lot of rough edges. He sometimes said insensitive things without thinking. Like Pence had said, they all had their flaws. But those flaws didn’t have to tear them apart.

At last, Roxas nodded, and all four exchanged wide grins. They moved as one through the school’s front gate, not seeming to care that they could now be easily spotted walking in late. Hayner and Olette took the lead, discussing plans for the summer.

“Hey,” Roxas whispered to Pence when it became clear the other two were totally absorbed in their own conversation. “Hayner seems a lot more relaxed than the last time we were all together. Did something happen while I was gone?”

Pence’s smile was almost embarrassed. “Well…”

“What is it?”

“Hayner _may_ have thought you… had a thing for Olette.”

“… _What_?!” He said it a little too loudly, but the other two either didn’t hear them or were purposely ignoring them now.

Pence nodded at Roxas’s flabbergasted expression. “Yeah… He was a little out of line with everyone last week. But Olette finally cornered him and told him off for being an ass.”

“And now they’re…?”

Pence shrugged, and they both turned to scrutinize their friends’ interactions a little more closely.

…………

The remainder of the day was one of his best in a long time. He did not see Sora, and he had make-up work in every class, but there was a lightness that followed every moment he spent with his friends. The four of them moved as a single unit, meeting up between each class. There was a part of Roxas that knew this sort of reprieve from his everyday worries never lasted, but for now, he didn’t care.

He finally felt like a regular teenager. They spent the entirety of the lunch period discussing plans for the summer. But he was distantly aware of Seifer’s group, watching them from their table across the room. The four of them were _loudly_ happy, after all. The kind of happy that attracted attention. Roxas knew already. The end of this reprieve wouldn’t stem from some coincidental occurrence.

His last class of the day was gym. He was at the end of the steady stream of his classmates making their way down to the locker rooms in the basement. But when he reached the door, he found Fuu waiting for him outside.

He slowed when he caught sight of her. Despite the recent familial, sentimental feelings that had risen up in their group, Roxas couldn’t say he and Fuu had ever really reached any sort of understanding. The older girl was still cold and distant. And quiet. Her prolonged silence made him think of Xion, and he felt a pang in his chest. He may not have liked Fuu that much, but he didn’t want a repeat of that nightmare.

And like Axel had said, perhaps that would require channeling Naminé. But this time, she had come to him. And with a mission, clearly. The look in her eyes was intense.

“Roxas. Make sure you leave on time today, okay?”

“Uh, what?” He’d been expecting something deep and profound. It wasn’t every day Fuu said even a single word to him. She looked literally pained to have to clarify.

“Just… don’t get caught alone.”

A lightbulb went off in his head. “Is this about Seifer?”

She averted her eyes. “Look, just… Be careful, okay? He’s planning something. I don’t know what. He’s not including me in much these days.”

Roxas shifted a little awkwardly from foot to foot. “Does he know about the group?”

The older girl shook her head solemnly. “No. But I think he suspects something. Rai and Vivi have been acting strange around me lately, too.”

“Well… thanks.” He could have left it at that. He and Fuu would part ways and go on with their lives. But something kept him rooted to the spot. So he continued, “Fuu… Why don’t you just break things off with Seifer? I mean, if you’re gonna sneak around and help me, anyway…”

“It’s… not that simple.”

“Sounds pretty simple to me…”

She rolled her eyes and pulled him around the corner, back into the stairway so they wouldn’t be caught just outside the door. They sat back on the stairs, and Roxas looked at her expectantly.

“I’ve known Seifer since we were little kids,” she explained. “I know he’s not always the nicest guy… But he’s dealing with some shit of his own right now. And my family got dragged into it… And everything’s just tense all the time…”

“Is that why you do that?” he asked, gesturing to her arms. The question was out before he really had time to think about it. He resisted the urge to clap a hand over his mouth.

Fuu instinctively pulled down the sleeves of the jacket she always wore, even now that it was really too warm for one. She ducked her head, looking a little ashamed. “I guess it’s kind of obvious, huh?”

Guilt assaulted Roxas like a wave. Fuu had never explicitly come out and said she cut herself… but she was right. It _wasn’t_ that hard to piece together. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s fine,” she cut in. “I know it’s stupid. Such a fucking cliché…”

“No…” Roxas protested weakly. He was at a bit of a loss of what to say. He’d spent enough time with Axel to know that self-harm was often used as stress relief and could be as addictive as any drug. But he had no experience with it himself. “You could… talk about it, you know. It’s not like any of us have any room to judge.”

But she shook her head derisively. “Maybe if I’d taken the initiative and been the first to share… But now… My problems are just like watered down versions of all of yours.”

“That doesn’t make them any less… real. I mean… it’s all relative, right?” He was really struggling to find the right words, and it showed. The fact was, he _was_ living in a world of dramatic problems. Sometimes he felt like _his_ past couldn’t hold up against some of his group members’ on-going problems. After all, he and Sora had been adopted by a good couple. They’d spent the last ten years as part of a relatively happy family. There were times he’d wondered if maybe the only reason he couldn’t get over their mother was because he refused to let go.

Fuu ran a single fingertip contemplatively down one arm. “It’s just… In comparison to listening to Naminé describe being raped and Axel’s boyfriend drowning… I mean, how does my parents’ divorce hold any weight compared to that?”

“All divorces are awful,” Roxas said quietly.

“Yeah, but _my_ mom isn’t on the verge of literally _killing_ someone in some delusional rage!”

It was Fuu’s turn to look horrified at what she’d said. Her eyes widened, and Roxas looked down. She actually did bring a hand up to her mouth. “Oh, god… Roxas, I’m sorry.”

He just nodded, refusing to be so easily offended. After all, here he was, probing into her life. “It’s fine. That’s the risk of trusting another person with your darkest secret, right?”

She bit her lip. “I _do_ trust you guys. Or, I _want_ to…”

“It’s not like anyone would judge you.”

But they both knew this was not necessarily true. If he hadn’t forgotten Riku’s harsh reaction to the way Axel showed off his scars, then he was certain Fuu hadn’t. He wondered if she’d taken his words to heart, like a personal message.

The older girl shook her head suddenly, as if to clear it. “This wasn’t supposed to be about me. We were talking about Seifer.”

“You don’t have to explain it.” He felt a little uneasy, to tell the truth. He got the message: everyone was dealing with _something_. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the bully’s secrets. He wouldn’t want anyone sharing _his_ past to try and excuse his behavior. “Sora and I accepted a long time ago that there will always be some homophobic asshole to deal with. It sucks, but I can handle it.”

“I want you to understand, though. It’s not an excuse, it’s just… Seifer takes everything personally.”

“Fuu… you know it’s not your fault, right? It doesn’t matter how long you two have known each other. He’s responsible for his own actions.”

She shook her head like he just wasn’t getting it. “Seifer and I are neighbors, actually. His parents are in the middle of a divorce, too. At the beginning of the school year, Seifer’s mom left his dad… for my mom.”

Roxas’s only response was to raise his eyebrows. Of all the things she could have revealed about Seifer, this was one of the least expected.

“We don’t really know how long they were together before it became official, but Seifer hasn’t been in contact with her since. It’s… awful. I’ve got her on one side being super nice… I can tell she wants me to convince Seifer to talk to her again. And I’ve got him on my other side, practically forbidding me from even speaking to her. He and Rai run this school… I see what they do to the other kids here every day. I’ve helped them do some of it. Maybe it means I’m a coward, but I don’t want to be on the other end of that… I’ve got enough to deal with as it is. And I know the reason Seifer’s so angry is because he’s hurting. His anger is misplaced, and he takes it out on you because you were just the easiest target to project on,” she finished.

Roxas was silent for a moment. She was right. It _didn’t_ excuse what he’d done, but this knowledge certainly put Seifer into a different perspective. But what stuck with him the most was the image of Fuu caught between two sets of parents. Obviously, _someone_ had noticed, because she’d ended up in group therapy, but did they really realize what they were doing to her?

“What about your dad?” he asked.

Fuu shrugged. “He’s not willing to just hand over custody, like my mom wants, but he doesn’t want to turn this into a big thing, either. Not like Seifer’s dad. Spend some time around him and you’ll know exactly why Seifer’s so angry. His lawyers are playing a bunch of dirty tricks, too. Questioning the morality of two unmarried women raising kids.”

Roxas made a disgusted noise. “Two unmarried women who are _together_ , they mean. I doubt they'd change their tune if they _were_ to get married. Every time I think society has finally grown up and just learned to accept each other…”

“I know. It’s stupid. I don’t think that argument will hold up, but for now, it’s…”

“Hell,” he finished for her.

They heard the sound of voices and footsteps then. His class would be on its way back up to the gym. Any second now, they would be caught sitting here, if they didn’t get moving.

Fuu was on her feet and up the next few steps in what felt like one fluid movement. She likely would not have looked back if he hadn’t called out, “Hey, Fuu!”

She stopped.

“Thank you.”

She smiled in response. It was small and brief, but it was the first genuine smile he could ever remember seeing from her. She disappeared up the stairs a second later, and he got to his feet just as the first of his classmates emerged from the locker room below.

Even once this group thing had taken off, he’d never expected to really connect with Fuu. Once again, he was left feeling like he could really lay claim to _progress_.


	19. The Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me going back and rereading this story has reached an interesting stage. At this point in its original run, the three-year hiatus had already come and gone-- taking most of my readers with it-- and I had reached a point where I felt like I was writing this only for myself. What's interesting is trying to analyze whether I feel this changed the story at all. For the most part, I had it planned out start to finish from the very beginning. The only major change I can think of is that I'd originally planned to have a romance storyline somewhere in all this too, but I think that change had more to do with me growing as a writer in general. (There was a time when a longer story like this one felt like it HAD to have a love story-- that it was a mark of a mature writer.) In the end, I decided to focus entirely on friendship instead, and the closest you get to romance is the relationship between Cloud and Leon. (I swear, all this rambling actually is relevant to this chapter. I'll touch on that more at the end.)

The phone rang three times before Cloud answered. “Roxas,” he said, sounding as if nothing could surprise him anymore. “What crisis are you in the middle of today?”

His son couldn’t help laughing a little. “Uh, no crisis today. I just wanted to check in. …How’s Sora?”

Roxas could hear Cloud’s smile through the phone. “You know your brother. There’s nothing he can’t bounce back from.”

“Yeah…” He trailed off, and his unspoken questions about Riku hung on the line between them. But Cloud didn’t push him.

“Are you staying with Axel again tonight?”

“No,” he replied, fighting down a wave of guilt. “But, um, I wanted to go visit a friend today, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, Roxas. Stay safe, okay?”

They said their goodbyes and hung up, but Roxas stared down at the phone in his hand for a good minute afterwards. It did not pass him by that most parents would have ended that conversation with “Have fun.” Given his track record, though, he supposed 'stay safe' may have been more appropriate.

He finally looked up when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. School had let out nearly half an hour ago, and the building had cleared out fast. Roxas had bade all his friends goodbye, and now Fuu’s warning ran through his mind. He could see enough of the shadowy figure in the doorway behind him to know that it was Seifer. Slowly, he brought his cell phone back up to his ear, trying to make it look like he hadn’t noticed a thing, but his mind was racing. _Should_ he call for help? Was there anyone he _could_ call who would make it here before Seifer realized what he was up to? Unlikely.

But, just as Seifer moved again, a sleek black car pulled up to the curb in front of him. Roxas relaxed immediately, a grin spreading over his face. He was in the backseat of the limo before the bully behind him could even make it to the sidewalk.

The blond boy chuckled a little as they pulled away, and Axel glanced over at him quizzically. “What’s got you looking so maniacal?”

Roxas just shook his head. “It’s nothing. Thanks for picking me up. Again.”

Axel shrugged. “What can I say? You keep my life exciting. So what’s on the agenda for today?”

“I want to visit Naminé.”

Axel was quiet for a moment. Finally, he said, “Did I say exciting? I meant crazy.”

Roxas grimaced. “I know… It’s just… I’ve been thinking about our conversation this morning all day. About how the group could split up… There are just things I want to make sure I do and say before all this is just some crazy teenage memory.”

“…You know how people say kids who’ve dealt with adult shit are supposed to be so much smarter and deeper and all that? I always used to think that was bullshit, spouted by people who like to romanticize hardship. You may be proving me wrong, Rox.”

Roxas laughed. “So you’ll do it then?”

“Sure. Why not? Besides, I’ve got my own axe to grind with her…”  

Roxas had to wonder whether Axel had already had this trip planned, if not for today, then eventually. Axel’s driver did not seem to need directions. But perhaps this was for another reason. The two teens went to different rich-kid private schools, but they lived in the same district, and Roxas recognized some of the streets.

However, they soon began to take some unfamiliar turns, and Roxas was blown away when they finally pulled into the Grace family’s driveway. Naminé’s mansion was no larger than Axel’s, but they couldn’t have appeared more different. Axel’s home was mostly brick and set back into the woods. The mansion standing before them was so white it practically glowed in the sunshine, but the most striking difference was how _open_ everything was here. The only trees in sight were perfectly manicured, evenly spaced throughout the yard for decoration.

However, like Axel’s maids, the people who kept this place in such top shape were nowhere to be seen. No one intercepted them on their way up to the regal front doors, but clearly _someone_ had been watching. The door swung inward before they could even knock.

“Axel! Roxas! What are you two doing here?”

The two stared at Naminé blankly for a second. She practically shined in this environment, appearing almost as energetic as Kairi. She seemed equally surprised, but delighted, to see them.

“Well, whatever it is, you can tell me inside. Come on in!”

**…………**

The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the entire house.

“What now?” Leon asked, leaning back. He and Cloud had been discussing the Riku situation in low voices. The boy himself had remained in Sora’s room for the majority of the day and had kept his head down when they’d ventured out for meals. Leon knew what his responsibility was as a lawyer, as a _parent_ , but that didn’t simplify their current predicament at all.

When Leon didn’t move, Cloud got up and made his way down the short flight of stairs to their foyer and front door. And when he pulled it open, he found—

“Good afternoon, Mr. Strife!”

Kairi was inside and halfway up the stairs before he had time to blink.

“Is Sora home? I figured he must be, because he wasn’t at school. Is he sick? Hello!” she greeted Leon, having reached the second floor.

At this point, Sora poked his head out of his bedroom door down the hall. “Kairi? What are you doing here?”

Riku made himself visible next, and Kairi beamed at them both. “Oh, good. I was wondering what had happened to you two. It was nice seeing you again!” she called over her shoulder to the two adults before disappearing into Sora’s room.

Cloud finally made his way back up the stairs, but he and Leon remained staring in the direction of their son’s now-closed door.

“She reminds me of Yuffie,” Leon said at last.

“Those two are in for a long ride…”

**…………**

Axel seemed to be rethinking his desire to participate. By all means, Roxas should have been the one feeling out of place in this grand house, but it was Axel who began to trail behind. The inside of the mansion was just as sparkly and put-together as the outside. Naminé led them through the house to an equally regal drawing room. Seated inside were the two Roxas had seen with his group mate at the hospital.

Naminé’s parents were both intimidating in their own ways. Lexaeus Grace in the most traditional way.  He was a professional football player and had the build of one. He turned to look at the three, his expression a stern mask. On the other couch, Naminé’s mother was poised as elegantly as if a pair of photographers had followed her daughter in, rather than two, oddly-matched teenaged boys. She was just as striking in her own home as she had been out in public, and it wasn’t hard to see where Naminé got her looks.

Roxas got the distinct impression that they’d just interrupted a very important conversation, but Naminé took no notice. “Mom, Dad, this is Roxas and Axel. They were both at the hospital when we went to visit Xion. We’re going to hang out in the backyard for a bit, okay?”

“Of course, dear,” her mother replied easily, though Roxas couldn’t miss the way she was eying both of them. He wished he knew what she was looking for. A second later, they’d left her parents in peace again.

Naminé’s backyard wasn’t exactly the sort of place a couple of teenagers would usually go to “hang out.” It was just as well-maintained as every other aspect of the house. The lawns sprawled out towards a lake that was just as shiny as everything else around here. Honestly, Roxas was starting to feel like they’d stepped into a fairytale.

Naminé led them down the lawn, finally addressing their presence. “So, what brings you two here? It’s not every day people come knocking on _my_ door.”

“Ask Roxas,” the redhead said with a smirk. “I’m just the taxi service.”

Roxas shot him a look. He hadn’t expected the older boy to back down. But apparently, whatever Axel wanted to say to Naminé could wait for a time when they didn’t have an audience. And Roxas found that he wasn’t even that curious. They had shared enough for such an early friendship. He could hardly begrudge the other boy a few secrets.

“Is it about Xion?” Naminé asked. “I know your parents are friends with her aunt.”

“No. I mean, I haven’t heard anything. But I’ve been thinking about her a lot. I’ve been thinking about everything a lot, I guess.”

“You mean the group,” Naminé interpreted sagely. “We’re kind of falling apart, aren’t we?”

“Maybe. But it’s lasted a lot longer than I ever thought it would.”

“I second that,” Axel piped up.

“Anyway, uh, I wanted to thank you.”

Someone else may have looked surprised, but Naminé just smiled graciously. It wasn’t the same as gloating, exactly, but the girl was clearly aware of the role she played in their group.

“Sometimes you could be a little too pushy or intrusive… But I don’t think I ever could have shared my story if you hadn’t set the ball rolling. Maybe none of us could. There was a wall there that you destroyed. And I didn’t feel this way at first, but… I’m glad you did.”

When it was clear he was finished, Naminé just shook her head and smiled. “I told you the night I shared _my_ story… I signed up for group so I could get better. Somewhere along the way, I realized that this thing was bigger than just me. I decided that if there was anything I could do to help the rest of you, I would. Even where the help wasn’t welcome.”

She sent a sidelong glance at Axel, who just raised his eyebrows. She smiled again, as if she’d expected as much, and finished, “Anyway. They haven’t cancelled group sessions yet. You didn’t need to come all the way here just to thank me.”

Roxas sheepishly ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah… I guess I just… wanted to make sure I got it off my chest before I had a chance to chicken out.”

It was his turn to glance slyly Axel’s way, but the older boy avoided his eyes in an overly-innocent fashion, and Naminé either didn’t notice or pretended not to. When the silence stretched on, he added, “But, um, sorry if we interrupted something. Your parents looked kinda busy.”

She shook her head. “Just some last-minute stuff before Dad goes away again. It’s pretty routine by now. But Mom can be a little intense sometimes. Sorry about the way she was staring at you earlier.”

“Yeah, what _was_ that about?” Axel asked.

Naminé sighed, losing her graceful air for the first time. “Believe it or not, you two are the first boys I’ve had over. Ever. Marluxia never even made it this far.” The other two glanced at her nervously, but she showed no hesitation in saying his name. She went on easily, “Ever since that disaster, she’s been a little… Well, she hovers a lot more than she used to.”

“Oh,” said Roxas as the meaning of her words sank in. “She thinks…”

Axel laughed aloud. “Feel free to tell her you’re not my type.”

Roxas tried to observe the girl as subtly as possible while she laughed in response and assured him she would do so. It was true. Naminé was just as beautiful as her mother, and it was the first thing he’d noticed about her. But had he ever seriously entertained any romantic ideas when it came to her?

No. He didn’t even have to really think about it. There was more to love than beauty. And it wasn’t like he’d had time for such things.

“Roxaaaaas…” The way Axel singsonged his name made it clear that he’d already tried to get his attention more than once. In fact, they were both staring at him when he finally looked up. Axel smirked. “What’s got your head up in the clouds? Don’t tell me her mother actually has something to worry about?”

Roxas flushed, but Naminé didn’t appear concerned. She couldn’t help laughing at the flustered look on his face. “Don’t worry. I know we’ll just be friends. If you want to be friends, of course.”

For the first time he could ever recall, she seemed hesitant. He supposed nothing should surprise him at this point, but Roxas was caught off guard by the sudden realization that even Naminé had a soft side. She wasn’t all certainty and action.

“Yeah, of course. I know you mean well; it’s just, sometimes you can be a little _too_ helpful.”

“Thanks, I guess. At least my mom will be at ease.”

“You know, I’m sure she means well, too,” Axel said, no doubt thinking of his own parents and _their_ approach. Or lack thereof. Roxas had to agree, though. Naminé and her mother were similar in more than just appearance.

Naminé sighed. “I know. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. But sometimes… I mean, I was _hurt_ , not _broken_.” She gave them both firm looks as if daring either one to say otherwise. “She can’t protect me from everything. I need to know that I can handle whatever the world’s going to throw at me next.”

The boys were quiet after her declaration. Roxas had never denied Naminé’s strength. There was a reason she intimidated him. But now he couldn’t help lingering on something Axel had said before.

What _was_ Naminé getting out of group? As much as he wanted them all to stay together, suspended in their little zone of safety and confidentiality, wasn’t it selfish to keep the others stuck there with him, if they’d outgrown the help it could give?

**…………**

“Sounds like we’re in for an interesting summer.” Kairi sat back on her heels, looking more pensive and _quiet_ than either boy had ever seen her. They had just finished filling her in on all that had happened with Riku over the past few days.

Sora was seated on his bed, looking down at her somberly. Kairi was kneeling beside the air mattress, which had begun to deflate. Riku was standing by the window, arms crossed, eyes planted firmly on the glass.

“What are we doing about it now?” Kairi pressed. “Is your dad okay without someone to take care of him at home?”

Sora felt a sudden rush of gratitude towards the girl. For continuing to care this much about a boy who’d done his level best to keep everyone out. For asking all the right questions.

“He’s probably still a little out of it. But he can manage well enough not to starve to death or anything.”

“So he’s alert enough to report you missing if you don’t come home tonight,” Kairi deduced grimly.

“But would he really call the police?” Sora asked. “I mean, after what he did…”

“If the last few… incidents are anything to go by, he won’t have any memory of that part.” Riku was still refusing to look at either of them, but the fact that he’d been willing to open up _again_ , to Kairi, had to count for something.

“Hmm.” Kairi was still as contemplative as they’d ever seen her. “There’s really no way to win here, is there?”

The two were silent. They had done all they could. All they could do now was to let whatever would happen, happen. When the silence had stretched on adequately enough for closure, Kairi said, “Hey, Sora, where’s Roxas?”

“Uh, with Axel still, I think.”

“He’s avoiding me,” Riku declared suddenly.

“What?” said Sora. “No… Riku, that’s not true…”

“I know he doesn’t like me. I’ll stay out of his way. He shouldn’t have to avoid his own home because of me.”

“That’s really not it,” insisted Sora, though his protests were a bit weak. “It’s not _you_. Roxas feels bad because he kept trying to convince me not to get involved. Because he was worried about _me_ ,” he added quickly, not seeming to realize this wasn’t much better.

“I’m sure he’ll be back tonight,” Kairi assured him. “And then the two of you can both get over your guilt, and we can all be friends.”

Riku, and even Sora, gave her a look. This was a little too blindly optimistic, even for Kairi. But with all the craziness that had erupted in their lives recently, it was starting to look like it might actually be possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally this scene (the one with Roxas and Naminé) was going to go down a lot differently, back when this story was going to involve more romance. Let’s just say, Axel wasn’t going to be there with them. I feel like I focused a lot on Naminé’s beauty… That wasn’t wholly my intention… I meant for it to be more about the contrast between her strength and her almost fragile appearance. Naminé is actually my least favorite character to write, but I think she’s the definitely the most put-together of the group.


	20. The Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, no trigger warnings to add in for once? This chapter is actually really light. I figured you all needed a break by now. I officially added 'Optimism' as a tag. There are still a few dark moments coming up, but I try to keep that going for the rest of the story.

Roxas eased open his front door slowly. By the time he was inside with the door shut behind him, both of his fathers had come to stand at the top of the stairs. They stared at each other for a moment, until at last Roxas asked, “Is everything okay?”

The two seemed to deflate a little, some of the tension leaking out of them. Cloud nodded and gestured him up the stairs, taking a step back. “Yeah. We’re just… waiting for someone. Come on up; we saved a plate for you.”

“You just missed Kairi,” Leon told him as they both stepped out of the way. “She was here visiting Sora and Riku.”

Roxas just nodded. He wasn’t terribly surprised. He asked instead, “Who are you waiting for?”

“Aqua,” Cloud answered with a touch of hesitation.

Roxas paused from where he was preparing to heat up his dinner. “Aqua, like, our social worker Aqua?”

Their silence was the only affirmative he needed. He’d only seen Aqua a few times since their adoption became official, but he remembered her clearly. She had been kind and dedicated, determined to make their transition into their new lives as easy as possible. His memories of her were fond, and he had great faith in what she was capable of, but something wasn’t quite adding up.

“Sora told me what that man did to Riku… Aqua’s great, but shouldn’t you be calling the _police_?” There was a bite to his words that even he was not expecting.

“It’s… more complicated than that, Roxas,” said Leon with a frustrated sigh. “Riku’s father isn’t… well. We want to get in touch with Riku’s uncle before we take anyone to court. Aqua’s going to help us keep things on track.”

“Keep things _quiet_ , you mean.”

“Until we’re ready, yes,” Cloud answered. “They’ve already navigated around the custody system once. We owe it to Riku to make sure it’s done right this time.”

“Thank you.” They all looked up to see the boy in question standing in the hallway, Sora close behind him. It was the first time he’d made direct eye contact with either of them all day, but the doorbell rang before anyone could reply. Sora jogged down the stairs and flung the door open.

Aqua had this way of sucking all the tension out of a room. She greeted Sora with a hug and a wide smile, then followed him up the stairs and shook both Cloud’s and Leon’s hands. Roxas almost thought she would shake his hand as well, but then she pulled him into a hug too. Roxas laughed a little with his face pushed up against her shoulder.

“God, _look_ at you two!” Aqua exclaimed, her glee betraying a little of her professional air. “Has it really been that long?”

She finally released him and turned to the last person in the room. “And you must be Riku. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Aqua. I’ve known Sora and Roxas since they were kids, and I hope I’ll be able to help you as well.”

He slowly accepted her handshake and said quietly, “Hope, huh? I don’t have much faith in _hope_ …”

Aqua remained unshaken. “I can’t say I blame you.” She held onto his hand for just a second longer. “Why don’t we all sit down and try to sort something out before morning?”

**…………**

Retellings were never pleasant, for anyone involved, but Aqua sat through even the most graphic parts with all the grace they’d come to expect of her. She was compassionate but focused.

“All right, let’s cover some basics first. You’re nearing the end of a suspension from your school, correct?”

“Yeah,” Riku said with a shrug. “But I’m gonna have to repeat the year anyway, regardless of whether I go back for the last week or not.”

“Be that as it may, the last thing we need right now is to attract the attention of truancy officers. I’ll be in contact with your school, but I want you to finish out the year as planned, okay?”

“I can drive you to and from school,” Cloud offered before Riku had a chance to agree _or_ refuse.

“Fine,” Riku conceded. “So does that mean…”

“You’ll be staying here until further notice,” Leon supplied. “I’m sure Sora wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah!” the boy jumped in. “Oh! We could set up the basement like a camp, with tents and blanket forts and everything. It’ll be like one long sleepover!”

Roxas smiled at his enthusiasm. Some things never changed. And he hated to be the voice of reality, but… “How will you explain this to his school? Or his dad?”

“Let me handle that,” said Aqua. “I have pull in a lot of places. The school should be willing to overlook a few things in the rush of the last week. And I should have an easier time getting ahold of Xehanort, if he really is as proud as you say. But I want to talk to your father first. Things will go a lot easier if he’ll agree to check himself in for treatment voluntarily.”

“And that’s it?” Riku asked tonelessly. He looked drained, unwilling to get his hopes up.

Aqua smiled kindly at him. “For now. Your uncle, or your father, may still want to take this to trial, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Aqua rose to go, promising to be in touch soon. Her visit had not left them with quite the uplifted air Cloud and Leon had been hoping for, but now they had a plan of action, at least. The entire household was a little subdued by the time she walked out the door. As she had said, all they could do now was to wait.

**............**

The next time the group met, something had shifted irreversibly. Aerith had not thought to remove Xion’s chair from their circle, and once they were all seated, it felt almost sacrilegious to touch it.

“It’s been a long week,” Aerith greeted them. “For all of you.” Her gaze lingered on Riku for a moment, but she moved on. “I’ve spoken with Xion’s mother. She’s being checked into a facility a few towns over and is likely going to be there for the remainder of the summer. But she _is_ going voluntarily, and all signs point to her making a full recovery.”

There was silence for a moment. Then Kairi said brightly, “Well, we’ll just have to find out where she’s going for treatment and make sure she gets lots of visitors!”

Naminé, who was usually so gung-ho when it came to being as proactive about helping out as possible, was now quietly contemplative. At last, she said, “That may not be the best idea. Do you know how many people I’m still in touch with from my old school? None. Some of my old friends tried to support me after Marluxia, but… I felt like I wouldn’t be able to get better until I’d truly moved on. I only want the best for Xion, but we can’t pretend she made much progress here. Maybe this was just another stepping stone in her journey. If she has found her own method of moving forward, I don’t want to be responsible for holding her back.”

There was a time, quite a short period in retrospect, when a speech this dramatic would have been met with a joke. Now it was met with silence. Roxas shifted a little, trying not to let his eyes linger on Xion’s empty chair. He watched Naminé, now sitting primly, waiting for a reaction, out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if she’d always been capable of showing such restraint or if their little talk the other day had made this much of an impact.

“Well,” said Aerith when the silence stretched on, “let’s continue then, shall we? You should all have about a week of school left. Anyone want to share their thoughts on the end of the year?”

She was met with silence yet again. A few people glanced around the circle, but they remained in their subdued funk.

Aerith raised an eyebrow. “No one? I know it’s been a tough week, but _none_ of you are excited for summer? What about you, Axel? This will be your last year of high school. How do you feel about graduating in a week?”

Axel heaved a big sigh as she looked at him expectantly, rolling his eyes for good measure.

“Is something bothering you?” she asked when he didn’t expand.

“Well, what do you want me to say? You want some earthshattering soliloquy about how stressful it is to face the final chapter of my childhood? Sorry. I’m not in the mood to fuel your talking points today.”

No one was particularly moved by his rudeness, not even Aerith. She moved on as he settled back in his chair. Roxas felt a grim resignation settle over him as her eyes settled on them.

“Sora, Roxas, your birthday is coming up soon, isn’t it?”

They shared a look. This was how Sora had introduced them to the circle all those months ago. It was a little surreal to think of how far they’d come. He never could have pictured their current situation on their first day.

“Yeah,” Sora said now, as awkward as they’d ever seen him. “On the fifteenth of July.”

“This year’s your lucky birthday?” Fuu asked, surprising everyone. The words had popped out before she’d really thought about them. She reddened a little when she realized she’d spoken aloud, but at the scattered murmurs of confusion she went on, “You’re turning fifteen on the fifteenth, so it’s lucky. It’s just an old family superstition…”

“That’s really cool,” Kairi assured her with a smile. “We should do something special to celebrate!”

A smile spread over Sora’s face, and the entire group began to relax a bit. They’d never made a big deal out of their birthdays, not even since coming to live with Cloud and Leon. Their celebrations were family affairs, often with Yuffie as the only addition. But now Roxas looked around the circle and thought of Hayner and Olette and Pence… and realized that they did have a significant number of people who might want to celebrate the day with them this year.

Aerith seemed content to let her remaining seven pupils entertain themselves with increasingly outrageous plans for the twins’ upcoming birthday. The mood was considerably lighter when they all walked out that night, but Roxas was not fully rid of the dread that had taken root recently.

He couldn’t shake his earlier worries. Their group was on the verge of rapidly losing many of its members, whether due to age or their own progress. He wasn’t good with change. He’d just gotten comfortable with their group. But as much as he wanted them all to stay together, he didn’t want to be responsible for holding anyone back. But even with just one member missing, their group was already feeling off balance. He wasn’t good with change… But he’d learned a long time ago that sometimes survival required going with the flow.

**…………**

At the sound of the final bell, the air filled with so many giddy shouts of triumph that no one could even hear the teacher struggling to maintain order. Roxas swept past them on the wave of other students, flanked on all sides by one of his friends. Hayner was one of the loudest celebrators, and Roxas had to laugh at his enthusiasm.

A week had passed since their first group session post-Xion. The group had made little progress since then, but the bell had just rung on their final day, and they were officially out for the summer.

A group of students surged past them on the right, Sora and Kairi among them. “We’ll meet you outside!” he heard his brother call before they were lost in the crowd again.

The teachers had let them spend the last fifteen minutes of the school year emptying their lockers, so there was no need for anyone to stop on their way out the door. One second, all Roxas could see were overcrowded hallways, the next: sunshine. Teenagers spilled out onto the sidewalk, and the four were finally able to separate themselves from the other students. Most of their peers swarmed towards the buses. Kairi and Sora were able to catch up with them off to the side of the school gates.

“The gang’s all here,” Pence announced with a smile.

“Great!” Sora crowed, his enthusiasm palpable. “Let’s get going!”

The six of them set off down the sidewalk, school buses zooming past them as they went, other students waving and laughing. Sora made a few faces back, and by the time things had calmed down a little, they were deep into Twilight Town. It soon became apparent that Hayner knew everyone. He called greetings to homeowners and shopkeepers alike. Kairi seemed amused by this, but no one else was surprised. Hayner had grown up in the heart of Twilight Town. He was standoffish, but well-connected.

By the time they reached the ice cream stand, it was already crowded with other teens out for the summer. They joined the line, trying to eye the menu, even though they were too far away to make out the words. One of their number, however, was already more interested in their surroundings than the menu.

“Have you ever been here before?” Olette asked Kairi.

“I’m not sure,” the other girl answered contemplatively, continuing to peer around at what she could see through the crowd. “Not since the accident, at least. My grandmother isn’t big on sweets.”

Olette flushed, remembering that Kairi _couldn’t_ remember. But Pence jumped in before things could get awkward.

“Does anyone else find it funny how we always stop to look at the menu?”

Hayner gave him an odd look. “No.”

“I just mean,” he tried to backtrack, “when we all get up there, we’ll hold up the line to look over our options again, but you know we’ll all change our decision back to something familiar. We always do.”

Olette giggled, faux pas successfully diverted. “He’s right, you know. When was the last time we went out for ice cream and you got something other than mint chocolate chip?”

Rather than respond, Hayner groaned and turned to Roxas. “You see, I told you this would happen! Everything we do now is going to have some deep, psychological edge to it. Why can’t a trip to go get ice cream just be about _ice cream_?”

This elicited a few more laughs, which clearly were not what he had been going for. It was true. Another irreversible shift had occurred within his smaller group of friends since their reunion. Their bond was different now, but they were unquestionably closer.

“What are you getting?” Kairi asked him suddenly. It was clear she hadn’t been paying them much attention.

“Sea salt,” Sora answered before he had a chance to.

“ _Salt_ -flavored ice cream?” Kairi asked, scrunching up her nose.

“Gross, right? Roxas gets it every time.”

“Do I judge _your_ flavor preferences?” he asked indignantly.

“Yes,” Sora shot back immediately.

Kairi giggled. “It sounds interesting, at least. I think I’ll try it.”

“Me too!” Pence chimed in. “Let’s shake things up a little.”

“I’m in,” said Olette with a smile.

And then there were two. Sora and Hayner slowly turned to eye each other, but it was no secret who would cave first. Sora made a big show of sighing huffily and letting them know his acquiescence was only for the sake of their collective experience, but Hayner gave in easily once it was clear who had won their standoff.

“Always so stubborn,” Olette whispered in his ear, linking her pinky finger with his when she thought no one was looking.

There was a moment of content silence as they all settled in with their ice cream. At last, Sora admitted, “It grows on you over time…”

Roxas smiled. It was an old flavor for him, but he knew he would always associate the taste with this outing, going forward. His life had changed drastically over the course of the last few weeks, but Roxas found himself ready to face whatever the summer would bring.


	21. The Birthday Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another really light chapter, with just a spot of angst near the end.

“Can you believe we’re actually doing this?” Sora asked, a giddiness to his voice.

Roxas was feeling something similar, but to be honest, he couldn’t tell if his butterflies stemmed from excitement or nerves. “You don’t think these look a little childish?”

They were both currently standing on chairs, pinning streamers and other brightly-colored decorations to the walls.

“We’re only fifteen,” said Sora with a laugh, jumping down from his chair to admire his work. “Besides, we’ve gotta make up for lost time.”

A knock on the door sent the brunet twin bounding down the stairs a second later. He flung open the front door to find Yuffie standing on their doorstep, juggling a cake in one hand, their presents in the other. He welcomed her in with a wide smile, taking the cake off her hands and giving her a one-armed hug.

“Happy birthday, you two!” she called, projecting her naturally loud voice so it would reach Roxas upstairs. “Where are Cloud and Leon?”

“At the store,” Sora answered as she followed him up the stairs, “getting chips and soda and all that.”

Roxas got down to hug her himself once Yuffie had dropped their gift bags in the living room. “How have you been?”

“It’s been a while, huh?” she said ruefully, squeezing him back. “I’ve been… busy. I wish I could stay for the party, but Xion just got approved for visiting days… But you two look good,” she added quickly. “I’m glad you’re doing so well.”

Yuffie herself looked tired. Neither boy asked after Xion. All of her recent (second-hand) reports had been positive, and they were doing their best to let her move on uninhibited.

Yuffie didn’t stay for long, and the house felt strangely empty after she left. Their decorating was complete, and the two were left with only each other’s company. Aqua had arrived early that morning to ‘borrow’ Riku. They were going over his story one last time. She didn’t want any surprises if this did go to court.

“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts?” Sora asked with a grin. Apparently, Roxas had been quiet just a second too long.

The blond twin tried to grin back. “No… I mean, not really…”

He was, though, and his brother could see it on his face, plain as day. The idea had seemed great a few weeks ago when it had been used to lighten the group’s mood. Now that the occasion was actually upon them, he was starting to see some possible snags in this plan.

“Come on, Roxas,” Sora said, throwing an arm across his shoulders and dragging him a few steps closer. “It’s your _birthday_. Now’s not the time to be all gloomy.”

“I know,” Roxas muttered, finally pulling away with a grin. “I’ve just been thinking. This is the first time my school circle and our group circle will all be in the same space.”

“So?” said Sora with a tiny laugh, as if this wasn’t a big deal. “It’s a birthday party, Rox. It’s not like we’re gonna sit around interrogating each other about our deepest fears or anything. And you said none of your friends are staying over, right? It’ll just be a few hours of a bunch of teenagers hanging out and eating cake. It’ll be _fine_.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… Can you imagine Hayner and Riku in a room together?”

This gave even Sora pause. But only for a second. “We’ll just make sure someone is with them at all times.”

Roxas smiled. His brother saw life through such a simple lens. Usually, this was just cause for more stress on his part, but occasionally, Roxas found it refreshing. Like today, when he let his doubts go and went to give the house one last look over before their guests arrived.

It had been just a funny story a few weeks ago. Something from group that had seemed safe to share at home. But then Cloud had said the idea wasn’t so impossible, and Sora had latched on tight. And so it was that they’d managed to plan a party for ten teenagers and a sleepover for seven. For various reasons, family trips and such, none of Roxas’s school friends would be staying the night, but tonight all the remaining members of their group would be under one roof.

Not an hour later, Cloud and Leon had returned, laden down with supplies for the night. Aqua dropped off Riku at almost the exact same time the pizza was delivered. And their friends started filtering in shortly after that.

Kairi was first, predictably. She flounced through the front door, already perfectly comfortable in the twins’ home. Naminé was second, making her entrance with an equally wide smile, albeit a little more dignity. Hayner, Pence, and Olette arrived as a group, trying to look around as casually as possible. Kairi was a familiar face, and Naminé’s introduction went over smoothly as well. Which was reassuring, to say the least. Perhaps the two groups would merge more easily than Roxas had expected, now that they could see that none of his group friends had to be wheeled in wearing straightjackets or anything. Well, Riku kept his distance, and Hayner eyed the older boy a little suspiciously, but Roxas would take what he could get.

Axel’s entrance was loud… but then, so was everything else when it came to Axel. The oldest member of the group seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood today. He came complete with not just presents, but party games as well. Roxas caught Olette eying his tattoos and scars for just a second, but it wasn’t Axel’s appearance that caused the biggest stir of the afternoon.

Roxas thought he’d already worried over every possible conflict. And then Fuu walked hesitantly through their door. In fact, she was so quiet about it that he saw Pence’s eyebrows shoot up first. Then Hayner’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, and Olette murmured, “Um… Roxas?”

Fuu stood stiffly at the base of the stairs, staring up at them through the railing. She was gripping the ends of her sleeves more tightly than ever before. But she was one of the group, and she had been invited, just as all the others had. Hayner looked like he was about to get up and say something, but Sora beat him to it.

“Hey, about time!” He bounded over to the stairs with a wide grin. “Come on up! We were just about to break into the food!”

Fuu still kept her head down as she joined them, but Sora had succeeded in defusing some of the tension. Roxas knew he’d have some questions to answer later, but for now this was one crisis averted.

And even Hayner seemed to have the sense not to start a fight in the middle of a birthday celebration—though this sense may have been obtained only after a few sharp prods from Olette. But soon the pizza was cut into, and the tension was forgotten. Fuu took a seat between Riku and Kairi, and no one questioned it. Cloud and Leon seemed content to hang back and watch from a distance. As long as things continued to run smoothly, they would remain practically invisible. They would have their own family celebration later.

There came a time, near the end of lunch, when nearly everyone was finished eating but they all remained around the table, chatting about nothing in particular. Roxas stood and began gathering the empty plates while his friends were sucked into a conversation Axel and Kairi were having about tattoos. At first, the blond twin didn’t think any of them noted his absence, but a second later, Riku joined him at the sink, helping him clean up.

“You ought to get a free pass from chores on your birthday,” he said so quietly that no one else heard.

Roxas was surprised—the two had said very little to each other despite the fact that they were now living in the same house—but didn’t go to sit back down. Instead he asked in that same quiet tone, “When’s yours?”

Riku gave him the briefest of glances before answering, “January.”

They worked in silence for a few seconds until Roxas murmured, “You think this will ever get old?”

Riku sent him a questioning look.

“You know, all this… Just hanging out like we’re regular teenagers.”

Riku just shrugged. The sentiment didn’t seem all that important to him. “What is ‘regular’ anyway? Everyone’s their own sort of fucked up, right?”

The last dish had been dried a second later, and Riku wasted no time in returning to his seat at the kitchen table, Roxas following close behind.

“What about you?” Sora directed at Riku as soon as he’d sat down.

“What about me?” he replied, surprisingly calm. No one could say his time spent at the twins’ house wasn’t doing him some good.

“Tattoos,” said Naminé with a barely suppressed look of disapproval. “Would you get one?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he already has a few,” said Fuu with a small smile.

Riku gave her an odd look. “Not me. I don’t do needles.”

“What?” Axel exclaimed with a laugh. “And here I thought you were going for that hardcore badass image.”

Riku crossed his arms and scowled at the redhead, but it was lacking his usual intensity.

Naminé shook her head. “There’s just something about willingly branding your own skin that’s always creeped me out.”

“I don’t know,” interjected Olette thoughtfully. “I kind of like the idea of using tattoos to commemorate special events and things that are really important to you.”

Hayner and Pence both snapped their heads around to stare at her like they’d never seen her before. She laughed a little self-consciously, but Kairi’s nod was vigorous. “Exactly! I want to get one right here.” She ran her finger along the scar on her collarbone.

“To cover it up?” Fuu asked. Roxas wondered if he was the only one to notice the way she glanced down at her own arms.

“To accentuate it, actually,” said Kairi, this time tracing a line that weaved in and out around the scar. “I want a line of ivy, like this… You know, with those star-shaped leaves? And it’ll underline the date of the car crash in fancy, cursive lettering.”

One would think it would be hard to fault this, but Naminé gave her a skeptical look. “And how do you think that will go over with your grandmother?”

Kairi was wholly unfazed. “I can wait until I’m eighteen.”

The conversation moved on, effortless and comfortable. The cake was divided up as well and presents were opened—mostly things like gift cards and t-shirts with clever sayings. And then Axel broke out Twister.

“Are you serious?” said Hayner with an arched eyebrow. “What are we, seven?”

Axel didn’t rise to the bait. “Hey, it’s no skin off my back if you’re too _cool_ to play with us. Who’s in?”

Needless to say, no one turned him down, not even Hayner. As Axel began rolling out the mat, Olette said, “But there are way too many of us to all play at the same time.”

“Yeah, I figure we’ll have to rotate in shifts of six,” said Axel, continuing to set everything up.

“Six?” Olette repeated, eying the mat skeptically.

“Sure. Four to play, one to spin for color, and one to take bets.”

No one could really argue with that logic. And the ‘logic’ seemed a little irrelevant five minutes later when they were all either tangled up in each other’s limbs or laughing from the sidelines. Roxas hadn’t voiced his worries to anyone but his brother, but he soon began to see that Axel’s plan was quite ingenious. For this moment, at least, all of Roxas’s friends were united as one group. A single competitive game of Twister had closed the distance between them.

“Hey!” Fuu exclaimed in surprise as Pence’s next movement knocked her foot out from underneath her and they both went toppling to the floor.

“Oops,” said Pence, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry.”

But Fuu was smiling too, and they carefully moved off the playing field, leaving only Sora and Naminé to try and make competitive eye contact from their twisted positions.

The rest of their afternoon passed smoothly. So smoothly, in fact, that when the time came for the trio of school friends to say goodbye, Roxas suspected they’d grown reluctant to do so. But Pence and Olette had actual family commitments to attend to early the next morning, and Hayner was too proud to admit to his lie. So by dinnertime—more pizza, to no one’s complaint—it was just the members of Aerith’s group who remained.

“We can show you guys the basement now!” Sora exclaimed, popping up near the end of dinner. The twins had personally stowed away all of their guests’ bags themselves, in order to preserve Sora’s big reveal. Now he led the way, Riku close behind with a small smile on his face. The two had spent a little over an hour setting it up the night before.

And when they reached the bottom floor… It was everything Sora had imagined. Blanket forts galore, crudely (expertly) pinned to every available surface with clothes pins and weights. Their friends ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ and laughed appreciatively as the brunet twin showed it off with loud, exaggerated gestures. The floors were carpeted—their basement was really more of a den—but most people had brought sleeping bags, and the twins had located nearly every blanket in the Strife household to pad the floors.

Axel looked around with an appreciative grin. “Man, it’s like we’re redoing my entire childhood in one night.”

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Kairi dived into the nearest entrance in search of her bag. She reemerged a few seconds later with what appeared to be a handful of seashells, until she carefully separated them out into bracelets. “I made one for everyone.”

“What are they, friendship bracelets?” Sora asked as she handed them out.

“They’re made of Thalassa shells,” she explained. “You used to give them to travelers to wish them a safe journey. Well, sailors, technically, but I figured we were close enough.”

“Travelers…” Fuu murmured.

Kairi looked oddly down to earth, fingering the shells around her own wrist. “I know it’s been kind of an elephant in the room lately… But I’ve been thinking about it ever since Xion left. I don’t know how much time the rest of us have together like this. So I wanted to wish you luck on your own personal journeys. And no matter where those journeys take us, we’ll always have something to remember each other by.”

The room was quiet after Kairi’s speech. Most of the group had their eyes glued to their own bracelets, a little embarrassed yet pleased, but Naminé immediately pulled the other girl into a hug.

“They’re great,” she assured her. “Thank you.”

Roxas chanced a glance around the circle. Most of his friends still had their eyes downcast. This, at least, convinced him that their impending separation hadn’t only been weighing on his mind. If even Kairi was getting mopey, it was sure to be on everyone’s mind.

Perhaps this should have been depressing, but he found it oddly… reassuring. It provided a certain amount of validation, at least. His worries weren’t for nothing. And it gave him hope that if all this had to end, at least it wouldn’t happen abruptly.

**…………**

The rest of their night passed quietly. Kairi’s reminder hadn’t dampened things _too_ much, but their laughter was no longer quite as loud. They didn’t even stay up to an unreasonable hour. But that meant they were all well-rested early the next morning when the smells of breakfast cooking wafted down to them.

Roxas thought he was the first to wake up, but then he turned over to see Riku’s eyes were open as well. It was only a few seconds before they heard Kairi’s groggy voice, “Do I smell bacon?” And she sat up before even opening her eyes. Naminé stirred next, then Fuu and Axel with a loud yawn. Soon only Sora was left asleep, and, despite all their movement, showed no signs of waking any time soon.

Everyone else was already moving towards the stairs, still half asleep themselves. Roxas remained behind just long enough to give his brother a sharp poke in the side—which did nothing—before figuring that breakfast was a higher priority and that Sora would wake up eventually.

As could be expected, the group became considerably more lively as they began stuffing their faces with pancakes and bacon and whatever else was available to them. Cloud didn’t seem terribly surprised to find that Sora was the only one still asleep. Leon was already gone, not having the sort of job that allowed for much time off.

“We should do this more often,” said Naminé, sitting back with a smile once she’d finished her portion.

The idea stopped him for a second, but then Fuu said with a smile of her own, “You know, the thought of us all just meeting for breakfast or something is starting to sound less and less crazy.”

She was right. Roxas made to take what had become a reflexive look around at them all, only to find the two redheads missing. “Hey, what happened to Axel and Kairi?”

“I think they went to go get Sora,” said Riku.

The other four filtered down the stairs, catching up with the snickering pair by the time they reached the bottom. The two had snatched a balloon from somewhere and ducked into the fort with it. A second later, there was a loud, sharp _POP!_ followed by an even sharper, high-pitched yelp.

But their laughter was short-lived. At the sound of a worried, “Sora?” a few seconds later, Roxas quickly cut through the crowd and into the tent himself.

What he found was… alarming. Of the two of them, Sora was the twin who had moved on. If he was haunted by their past, it was not nearly as noticeable. But Sora had his moments too, and sometimes the sound of a balloon popping right next to your ear can sound an awful lot like a gunshot.

Sora’s eyes were wide and panicked, but he didn’t appear aware of anything in front of him. Certainly not the worried looks on his friends’ faces. But Roxas had a pretty good idea what his brother _was_ seeing, remembering the gruesome blood splatter himself.

Roxas shook himself out of it and pushed through the other two—none too gently—to plant himself in front of his brother. He took Sora by the shoulders and waited while those identical blue eyes slowly refocused. When it became clear he was back, Sora ducked his head, and Roxas relaxed. Now to get out of this tent as casually as possible…

But in the end, he needn’t have worried. Axel and Kairi seemed to have realized their mistake and everyone else had come to their own conclusions. By the time the twins did emerge from the blanket fort, their only greeting was, “We left you some breakfast upstairs,” from Naminé.

Sora remained quiet as the group trudged back up the stairs, but Roxas wasn’t worried. Sora had a talent for bouncing back from things. They all had their demons. In a few days’ time, this little incident wouldn’t even be worth mentioning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The incident with the balloon was something I had planned really early on. By the time it came time to actually write the scene, so much had happened with everyone already that it wasn't nearly as much of a thing as I'd thought it was going to be. It was supposed to be just another example of how Roxas and Sora dealt with the experience differently-- Sora didn't actually see the shooting, but he has his own memories of the event. I do still like the lighter scene I ended up with, though. There's something to be said about safe spaces where everyone is already... sensitive to everyone else's possible issues. 
> 
> (Also, do I need some sort of disclaimer to say I don't own Twister? You can just consider it free advertising, Hasbro.)


	22. The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about all of you, but these lighter chapters are a breath of fresh air. There's a little drama at the end, but no new trigger tags to add for this chapter. (For once.)

The atmosphere had shifted distinctively the next time the group met. July was already more than half over, and they would soon be losing another one of their members, whether he wanted to go or not. August fourteenth. The date had become etched in all of their minds. Axel had grown quiet since the twins’ party. His own impending departure had become the new elephant in the room. It was clear they were all waiting for something big to happen. Perhaps some divine intervention to stop time and keep their group together. 

And in the meantime, summer had truly set in. The days were long and hot. The more crowded sections of Twilight Town, full of bored teenagers with too much time on their hands, had seen a dramatic rise in their petty crime rates. Cloud and Leon might have been concerned by this… but there was no reason to be. The boys weren’t having too many adventures. They stuck close to home, and shortly before their next session, Aqua arrived with other news.

“It’s not much,” she’d said, sitting down wearily on their couch. “You would not believe all the channels I had to go through just to find Xehanort. But I’ve finally gotten in touch with someone’s secretary. Your uncle is already on his way back.”

There was silence for a moment. At last, Riku asked, “What have you told him?”

“Directly? Nothing,” she answered, frustrated. “But I’ve left enough messages with enough middlemen. Enough bits and pieces must have gotten back to him for your uncle to get the general idea. Hopefully without tipping off anyone else.”

“I’m surprised that was enough,” the boy replied, his bitterness just barely suppressed. “He doesn’t let much get in the way of his work.”

Aqua’s smile was kind… But there was something a little devious and calculating about it too. “Let’s just say… I haven’t been as honest with some of my superiors as I could have been… You see, this little arrangement we’ve got going on here,” she gestured at Riku and then around at the house, “isn’t exactly in accordance with procedure. The only reason social services hasn’t taken you into their custody since your father checked into a full-time rehabilitation center is because they believe your uncle to still be at home with you. And, frankly, they’re too overworked to have properly looked into it yet. But as soon as they learn your uncle has been out of the country this whole time… Well, Xehanort couldn’t have _that_ hanging over his head… Imagine the consequences to his business…”

Riku looked as if he were truly seeing Aqua for the first time. Sora grinned cheekily beside him, a silent _I told you so_ for not believing in her from the beginning.

And so here they were. Xehanort would be back any day now, having hastily finished up whatever business he had abroad, and all Riku could do now was wait. Sora was not doing quite the job of cheering him up that he’d intended. The truth was, the twins were just as apprehensive as Riku. Xehanort had been built up to be a monster in their minds. A generic evil without a corporeal form. And pretty soon, that far-off evil would be here in Twilight Town.

So they were quiet when the three stepped out of the car for group that day. They were walking slowly, which gave them ample time to take in how much the building had changed since their first meeting. All the rubble from the pillars outside had finally been cleared away, and the stone steps appeared to have been scrubbed clean. Inside, the building had been aired out as thoroughly as possible. The wallpaper had been torn down, the walls repainted in neutral colors. The electrical and plumbing teams had finished their final projects weeks ago. The air conditioning had been installed just in time for summer. Tables and chairs had been brought in. One room downstairs had begun to resemble an actual arcade. The mansion truly had started to look like the town recreation center Ansem had dreamed it would be, despite being so far out in the middle of nowhere.

Only their meeting room remained almost completely unchanged. Given the size of the room and the access it allowed to the balcony, it was unlikely it would be left alone forever. But for now, the circle of chairs remained the only decorations.

Xion’s chair had been removed. They all took their seats now, but Aerith was noticeably solemn. The teens all waited for their group leader to start things off, and she made an attempt to smile at them.

“Welcome back,” Aerith greeted. She took a moment to survey the group as a whole. “We’ve all come a long way. I’ve made an effort not to make myself the center of attention. From the beginning, I’ve been here only as the mediator, when needed. But you’ve all reminded me, over these last few months, why I chose to go into this field of work, and why I love my job. It hasn’t been the smoothest of roads, and I know your personal journeys are far from over, but I am extremely proud of each and every one of you. You’ve all come so far and grown so much, and you have yourselves and each other to thank for it. This group started out as an experiment, and I’m pleased to say I consider it a success.”

“But?” Riku prompted brusquely, and no one had any qualms about letting him speak for the group. It was evident in all of their faces—Aerith’s praise was nice, but they could all sense the other shoe was about to drop.

Aerith’s smile was both rueful and indulgent. “But,” she acknowledged. “My superiors have decided it’s time to put this experiment to rest. And I agree.”

“But you just said we were a success,” Sora protested. He did not appear all that surprised, just hurt.

Their group leader smiled fondly at him. “To put it simply… Once Axel leaves, the agency will barely be making enough money to continue to rent this room, especially now that this space in in higher demand. And Axel may not be the only one leaving us soon… The alternative is to bring in someone else. But I vetoed that idea.”

This time she did get a few flickers of surprise from the group at large. Aerith went on, “And I believe I’ve made the right decision. Even if it means we’ll have to split up. I like to think I can speak for the group when I say that what we have here is special. I know you’ve all had your worries about having to welcome someone new into the group, open yourselves up to strangers again. And it would be equally unfair to any newcomer to expect them to infiltrate such a close-knit group with a set dynamic. We can put it to a vote now, if you’d like.”

No one spoke. Aerith had guessed right. If it had to come to this, they would rather the group split up than struggle to rebuild itself. That struggle would contradict what they had worked so hard to accomplish here.

“All right then,” their group leader said quietly. “So I suppose this would be a good time to talk about the future.” She gestured around the circle, giving them the floor.

The future… He supposed he had a generic outline of the way he hoped his life would go, but Roxas hadn’t spent much time thinking about the realities of his future. He’d been living day-to-day for so long… And he could see on his friends’ faces that many of them were in the same boat.

It surprised no one when Naminé was the first to speak up. She was sitting up as straight in her chair as ever, comfortably regal. “Maybe it’s a good thing the group will be disbanding. Makes my decision a little easier, anyway.”

“What decision?” Kairi asked, seeming a little disappointed by her reaction.

“I’ve been thinking about the future a lot lately. I think we all knew this was coming to an end, and I like to have a plan. Also my mom’s been after me for a while, so… I finally agreed to talk to some of her modeling contacts.”

This announcement was met with generally impressed silence. Looking a little horrified, Fuu asked, “You’re really okay with putting yourself out there like that?”

Naminé seemed pleased with their reactions. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Setting myself up to be picked over and judged for all my tiniest flaws… I figure it’ll be a good test. If I can do that, I can do anything.”

Fuu still shuddered at the thought, but Kairi laughed. “I thought you already believed you could do anything you set your mind to.”

Naminé smiled but neither confirmed nor denied this. “What about you?”

Kairi just shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it. I kinda just want things to go on as they are.”

She was the first one to say it, but she certainly wasn’t the only one thinking it. Sora ducked his head with a sad smile. Riku crossed his arms over his chest, expressionless.

“Well, that’s life, I guess,” said Kairi, looking unperturbed by the way the mood had just dropped. “What about you, Axel?”

The oldest member of their group had said nothing this whole time. In fact, looking at him now, it would not have surprised Roxas to learn that Axel hadn’t been paying attention to a word anyone had said. But he answered Kairi without need of further prompting.

“…I’ve been in touch with Demyx’s aunt recently.”

This announcement was met with more silence, of the shocked variety this time. It didn’t even matter that it came across as a total non sequitur.

Axel finally raised his eyes to look at them all. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my future yet. I just know I want one last outing with all of you, before we go our separate ways. I’ve already gotten the okay for us all to go stay up at the cabin the week of my birthday. If you’re all up for it, of course.”

No one seemed to know how to respond to this.

“Dude, really?” said Sora, the first to start to look excited.

“A whole week?” Kairi exclaimed.

“Like one big farewell,” said Fuu.

“That was the idea,” said Axel, grinning for the first time that evening.

“Well,” said Naminé with a laugh. “I guess now we just have to convince our parents!”

**…………**

They all walked out as a group, but everyone seemed to be lost in his or her own thoughts. So Roxas jumped when we felt Axel poke him in the cheek so casually.

“You’re awfully quiet,” the older boy said, even though this was true of everyone.

“Just thinking,” he answered.

Axel smirked. “About the future?”

“Something like that.”

The two gradually fell behind the rest of the group. “What’s up?” Axel asked once they were far enough away.

Roxas exhaled slowly. He wanted to tell Axel that nothing was ‘up’, but the truth was, there _was_ something that had been weighing down his thoughts ever since all this talk of the future had begun. And it was only Axel, after all.

“Our mom contacted us a while back… Before all this stuff with Riku and Xion went down… She’s in some sort of rehabilitation center. She wants to see us.”

Axel’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t make a scene of it. “What are you guys going to do?”

“No idea,” answered Roxas, his mouth set in a grim line. “Sora and I haven’t really talked about it.”

Axel just nodded. He said confidently, “You’ll make the right decision. If you want to see her, you’re ready for it. And if you don’t, well, fuck her. It’s not like she deserves your time.”

Roxas was surprised at the vehemence behind his words, even though his voice was quiet and deceptively calm. He wished he was that sure of it himself. But Axel just shrugged, and a second later, Naminé engaged him in talk of planning their week away.

**…………**

“An entire week?” Cloud repeated, looking up from where he was preparing dinner.

“Yeah,” said Sora with exaggerated casualness from where he was sitting at the table. Roxas was in the doorway. Riku was in the next room, out of sight, but listening to every word. “You know, one last fling before school starts again.”

Cloud sent him a look to let him know nothing was going over his head, so they might as well be straightforward with their pleas. “Just the seven of you? Alone out there for a week?”

“Demyx’s aunt will be checking in periodically,” Roxas jumped in when Sora didn’t answer right away.

Cloud seemed to consider this. Before he could answer, the front door opened, and Leon walked in.

“What’s going on?” he asked, looking at them all gathered together.

“Axel invited us all to stay at a friend’s cabin for a week,” Sora answered, looking hopeful.

Leon took a minute to think about this before answering, “An entire week?”

Sora’s face fell a little. Cloud chuckled when he heard Riku sigh and saw Roxas visibly deflate as well. “Get me the aunt’s phone number, and then we can discuss it.”

This was clearly the only agreement they would come to for the time being. The three teens all settled back. But no sooner had they all come back together for dinner than their front door flew open again, and Aqua rushed in without knocking.

“Aqua!” Leon exclaimed as they all got to their feet. “What’s going on?”

She was already on her way up the stairs, looking stressed. “Hey, sorry for barging in. I don’t know how much time we have.”

“What’s going on?” he repeated.

She exhaled sharply. “Xehanort. I just got word. He’s back in town, and I’m sure he’s already on his way here.” She hurried to pull a folder filled with paperwork out of her bag. She thrust it at Cloud. “Here. Sign it, date it, and nobody panic.”

This wasn’t exactly reassuring, as Aqua was the most flustered person in the room.

“What is this?” Cloud asked, opening the folder and rifling through the pages.

“All the forms needed for Riku to be temporarily— _legally_ —placed in your care. I went to visit Xemnas today. He signed everything, and a nurse was present as a witness, so no worries on that front.”

“How is he?” Riku interjected, reminding the adults that they had an audience.

Aqua finally seemed to get her breath back. She smiled at him. “He’s doing all right. I caught him on a good day. They’re getting ready to surgically remove the most recent tumor. He asked about you. I told him you were adjusting well.”

Riku’s expression gave nothing away. There was silence until the sound of a car pulling up met their ears. Riku glanced out the window and paled. “Oh…”

Just a second later, there came three fierce knocks on the door. They all glanced at each other before Cloud made his way down the stairs at a measured pace. He opened the door, and Xehanort let himself in before anyone even had time to invite him. He surveyed them all coldly.

Xehanort was not a very physically intimidating man. He was short and clearly the older brother—already his back was stooped from age and stress. But he was very put-together. Well-dressed and with a confident air about him. There was something about the closed-off harshness in his expression that was reminiscent of Riku in the early days.

“Miss Waters,” he started, addressing Aqua, even though it was not her house he had just barged into, “you are playing a very dangerous game here.”

Aqua’s gaze turned steely as well. “You are in no position to threaten me.”

“No? Do you have any idea the effect this interruption is having on my business deals overseas? My lawyers will be in touch.”

“You don’t think the more pressing problem here is your _family_?” Sora burst out incredulously.

“Boys,” Cloud said softly. “Perhaps you should wait in another room.” But no one moved.

Xehanort fixed the brunet twin with a hard look. “Believe me, I’m already handling _that_.” He turned back to Aqua. “You removed my nephew from his home without contacting me—“

“It took more than a _week_ to track you down,” she practically hissed, losing her composure for the first time in all the years the twins had known her. “And that’s not even the issue here. Your case worker was under the impression that you were still in town, as you agreed to be the _first_ time this went to court!”

“Well, I’m here now, and you can bet I will be looking into every step you’ve taken since this whole fiasco began. Riku.” He motioned to his nephew to join him, but Leon calmly held out an arm to stop him.

“Riku will be staying with us until this is sorted out.”

Xehanort looked furious. “You—“

“Know the law very well,” Leon finished for him in his most lawyerly tone. “We have all the required legal documents for the custody transfer, and we only have your nephew’s best interests at heart. Now, I’d appreciate it if you’d kindly get out of our house. Any further questions or concerns can be directed to my office.” He smoothly pulled a business card out of the dress shirt he hadn’t had a chance to change out of. “Good evening.”

Xehanort snatched the card out of his hand and gave them all the dirtiest look yet before striding from the house and leaving them all in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD Oh, wow. In hindsight, Xehanort is almost comically evil. I still like how that confrontation turned out, though.


	23. The Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another one of those chapters that I wasn't totally sure about when I first wrote it. (Are you seeing a pattern here? There's some truth to a writer always being their own worst critic.) But I think it was mostly just that I hadn't planned this one out as concretely as some of the others. I had the last two chapters nearly done in my mind. This one covers some things that needed to be wrapped up before I could get to that part.

The Strife household was quiet. Oddly quiet. A house of five—particularly when three of those five were teenaged boys—was never this quiet. This had gone on for about an hour when Leon finally walked into the living room with a sigh. The twins were both slouching into the couch cushions, looking decidedly despondent. One would think it would be easier to focus in total silence, but he’d been a parent for too long for it to be anything but distracting. And he could feel their collective downcast mood pressing in on him even when they were out of sight.

“Guys,” he said pointedly. “Sitting around moping isn’t going to get Riku back any faster. Seriously. Find something to do.”

This was met with two identical sighs, but they did drag themselves off the couch and into the next room. Today was Riku’s first visit to the clinic where his father was being treated. He and Cloud had left about an hour ago, leaving Roxas and Sora to sit around and ruminate.

Of course they were worried about Riku, but it was more than that. Given their friend’s situation, it was only natural that the boys’ thoughts had turned to Larxene. The two sat down across from each other at the kitchen table, prepared to resume their moping there, and Leon just shook his head and let them be, leaving to try and get some work done himself.

“Where do you think he is right now?” Sora asked at last. “They have to be there by now, right?”

“I don’t know, Sora,” Roxas muttered tonelessly.

“I mean, he didn’t say anything, but I know Riku was looking forward to it…”

Roxas just shrugged.

“…Do you think his dad will be happy to see him? Or upset? Riku said he never really remembered the things he did.”

“Sora, I don’t _know_.”

“Well, can we talk about Mom, then?” Sora exclaimed at last, exasperated. “I know that’s what this is really about.”

Roxas groaned, letting his head drop into his hands, his eyes on the table. “I don’t wanna talk about that either.”

“And I don’t want things to go back to the way they were,” pushed Sora in a rare moment of firmness. “You internalizing everything and me pretending nothing’s wrong.”

“I know,” Roxas all but whispered, slowly picking his head back up. “And I know we _should_ be talking about it. I just—“

But this conversation would have to wait for yet another day. Before Roxas could continue, the front door swung open, thrown so hard that it bounced off the inner wall. A second later, Riku came charging up the stairs, his head down. The twins shot up and emerged from the kitchen just in time to see Cloud catching the backlash from the front door. Leon emerged from their office just a second later, but Cloud didn’t seem to take notice of any of them.

“Riku, wait!”

“No!” he shouted back, stopping at the doorway to Sora’s room. “I won’t do it! I’m done, okay?! Go ahead! Tell Xehanort he wins! I’m _done_!” And then the door to Sora’s room slammed shut, and the four Strifes were left in silence, Cloud looking extremely stressed.

“What happened?” the other three all asked at once.

Cloud sighed, taking a moment to close the front door very carefully behind him and walk up the stairs to the second landing at a measured pace. They could all see him mentally using his own counting trick to calm himself down. He spared one quick glance at Sora’s closed bedroom door and then motioned them into the living room, his voice low.

“Xehanort’s lawyer was already at the clinic, waiting for us.”

Leon scowled darkly. “I knew I should have gone with you…”

“You have your own case to prepare for,” Cloud countered placatingly. “I didn’t think even Xehanort would sink this low.”  

“What happened?” Sora asked again, looking between the two of them. “Why was a lawyer there?”

“Xehanort has retained a lawyer for his brother. Given that he’s being hospitalized for a brain tumor, it wasn’t exactly hard to convince a judge that Xemnas needed someone to act on his behalf. And he has the right to refuse contact with the opposing party on his client’s behalf. Even if that opposing party happens to be his son.”

Leon’s expression was as dark as ever. “It’s a dirty, manipulative way to play this. As if Riku hasn’t been through enough. It’s become a game to see who cracks first.”

Sora’s eyes had begun to swing between Cloud's and Leon’s faces at an almost comic rate. “I still don’t get it. What game? What has Xehanort done?”

Leon sighed. “He’s trying to force our hand. If he’s not willing to make some sort of deal, they’ll have to take this to court. Of course, the social services lawyer can always proceed without him… but frankly, their case doesn’t stand much of a chance if Riku isn’t willing to testify.”

Roxas met his eyes head on. “Do you think Riku’s up to it?”

Neither adult was able to answer him, choosing instead to look darkly contemplative, and Roxas couldn’t say he blamed them. Xehanort may have been pure evil in human form, but Riku had a bad history of protecting his father rather than himself, and given his outburst not ten minutes earlier, it wasn’t hard to see where this was going. Sora, surely having come to the same conclusion, stood up very abruptly and, without another word, made his way down the hall and into his room without bothering to knock.

There came the sound of not so soft arguing immediately after and, with yet another sigh, Cloud rose to address it. Left with just the two of them, Roxas said quietly, “Dad?”

“Hmm?” he replied, his chin resting on his knuckles.

“You didn’t answer my question.” He wasn’t entirely sure why he couldn’t let this go, but he supposed he always had had a bit of a self-destructive streak. “Do you think Riku will give in?”

When Leon answered, his words were measured and careful. “…Riku’s a tough kid, Rox. I’m sure he _could_ stick it out… But that’s up to him.”

Cloud had to all but drag Sora out of his own room, and Roxas couldn’t help being a little curious as to how he was going to _keep_ Sora away, but it turned out Cloud had a convenient excuse for that as well.

“Come on, Sora. Just let him be for now. It’s about time for us to get going, anyway.”  When Sora just looked at him blankly, Cloud raised an eyebrow and supplied, “That dentist’s appointment that we had to reschedule because you pretended to be sick for the last one?”

This earned him another round of blank stares. Something as banal as a routine teeth cleaning… It felt as if it belonged in another world. Roxas couldn’t help thinking it seemed a little ridiculous, given everything else going on in their lives right now. But wasn’t that always the case?

At any rate, Sora thought so too. He seemed on the verge of internal combustion when Cloud all but dragged him out of the house five minutes later. He got a lecture on personal space for all his trouble, and Roxas had to smile. Some things never changed.

“Roxas,” Leon said at last, once the house had settled back down. “Why don’t you go make plans with your friends?”

For a moment, Roxas didn’t respond. To be totally honest, he also had had some hope of discussing the matter at hand with Riku directly, even if they weren’t particularly close, and Leon had seen right through that. He supposed he shouldn’t have been too surprised. Their parents knew them both very well. So he complied and left the house as well. It seemed Leon had won their moping battle after all.

It was one of those summer days that was actually quite pleasant. The sun wasn’t beating down too harshly, the humidity was low… It made his aimless wandering feel a little more reasonable. He had nearly made it into the heart of Twilight Town when he realized that he actually had a slew of friends, who he was now quite close to, that he _could_ be making plans with. He could always call Axel, though it was a bit of a drive to Twilight Town. Hayner lived right up the street. But, on second thought, he wasn’t sure he wanted Hayner’s company with so much on his mind. At least, not without Pence or Olette to smooth out the tension that was sure to arise. And if it was Olette, that would make him a bit of a third wheel. Roxas was just about to decide to go it alone today when he realized that there _was_ someone else he wanted to see.

He stopped under the shade of a tree and pulled out his cell phone. It only rang once before a bright, cheery voice on the other end greeted, “Roxas! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hey, Kairi. I was wondering if you had a number and an address for someone…”

**…………**

 

Roxas glanced between his text messages and the number on the mailbox one last time before moving up the driveway. Kairi’s information had taken him to a small, off-white ranch house. It was far enough away from the center of town to be a nice, quiet neighborhood. How typical. No one would ever guess the turmoil going on inside.

He was starting to have second thoughts. They’d come a long way, but that didn’t mean he and Fuu were close enough for him to just show up at her house like this. But he was already here. So he knocked on the door and waited.

It was opened by a pretty blonde woman who smiled down at him. She appeared kind, if a little desperate. There was something about her smile that was just a little too bright. Like she was trying too hard or had been hoping to see someone else. And she had no resemblance to Fuu. He realized immediately. This was Seifer’s mother.

“Hello,” she greeted him. “Can I help you?”

“Roxas?” came another voice before he had a chance to reply. Fuu appeared behind her stepmother. She glanced subtly around him to confirm that he was alone before joining him out on her front step.

“Hey,” he greeted with only a hint of the awkwardness he was feeling.

“Hey.” Then she directed at Seifer’s mother, “We’re gonna take a walk.”

“All right,” she replied with that same too-cheery smile. “Just make sure you’re home in time for dinner.”

Fuu led him into the backyard, away from the main road. It was only once they’d started down a little wooded path that he spoke.

“She seems nice.”

“She is,” Fuu answered, her words genuine. “She used to be a lot more outgoing, though. Seifer’s total abandonment hit her hard. It’s really sad, actually. She has such low expectations for how I’ll treat her… I kind of want to tell her she doesn’t have to try so hard, but… I don’t know. We’re not that close.”

Roxas hummed in sympathy, and the two continued on in silence for a while. At last, Fuu said, “So, what’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said.

“Again?” she teased with a small smile, and he had to smile in return. Everyone pegged Sora as the impulsive one. And it wasn’t that they were wrong… But he certainly had his moments too.

“It feels like half the group is dealing with custody disputes. I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You’re starting to sound like Naminé,” Fuu replied instead of answering him. But then, this had stopped sounding like such an insult.

“Have you talked to her?”

Fuu shrugged. “She knows some of it. I think she’s finally learning to pick her battles…”

They lapsed back into silence. Roxas still had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he was the one Fuu had chosen to confide in. He had never exactly been forthcoming with his own emotions. But then, they had that in common. Perhaps she’d recognized that and it had made him seem… safer than the others. At any rate, it wasn’t something either of them were comfortable addressing aloud.

After walking in silence for a while, his gaze finally settled on the sleeves of her jacket, which she was still wearing. It may have been a pleasant day, but it was still the middle of summer.

“You could take your jacket off, you know,” he spoke up, sounding more direct than he’d intended. “We’re the only ones out here.”

“I know,” she answered, but made no effort to remove the jacket, instead pulling the sleeves down lower over her wrists, a now-familiar protective gesture.

“Thank you,” she said abruptly after they’d fallen into silence again. “I _do_ appreciate you coming to check on me. It’s… sweet. And I know we don’t have much time left.”

He was about to question this—even when the group split up, he would still see Fuu in school—but the trail in her backyard had looped back around. Her house was in view once more, and it was clear this meeting had come to an end. Roxas didn’t feel like he’d accomplished much of anything, but Fuu seemed satisfied. If nothing else, this encounter showed how far they’d come in so little time.

He didn’t fully understand the meaning behind her farewell—for he _did_ understand that to be the meaning behind her words—but he supposed it would all make itself clear within time. For now, he had more pressing matters to attend to. Sora and Cloud were sure to be home by the time he walked back. And he could sense this thing with Riku was finally coming to a boil.

**…………**

The house was quiet when he returned home, just as he had left it. Almost as if there was some invisible barrier around the whole neighborhood. He walked slowly up the driveway and let himself in. He could see Cloud and Leon in the kitchen, conversing quietly, as he walked up the stairs at that same slow pace. Roxas finally arrived in the living room to find Sora and Riku seated at an angle to each other. They were both a little sullen-looking, and they weren’t speaking, but Roxas figured the fact that they’d gotten Riku out of the bedroom at all was a near miracle.

Sora seemed to come to life a little when he saw his brother. He didn’t quite manage a smile, but he sat up, stretching his muscles and finally pulling his legs up into the chair with him.

“Hey, Rox. Where’ve you been?”

“I went out for a walk. How is… everything?”

Riku finally looked up and met his eyes. He didn’t look great… Clearly, he’d had better days. But the look in his eyes was firm. It gave Roxas hope that he was strong enough for whatever was to come.

“I don’t know yet,” he answered quietly. “We’re waiting for Aqua.”

“Aqua?”

“She called just before you got back,” said Sora. “She said she’s on her way. But she wouldn’t tell us her news over the phone.”

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. They all jumped a little. They’d been so absorbed in their own thoughts, no one had even heard the car pull up.

There was an air of apprehension as Cloud went down to let her in and Leon came to join them in the living room. But when Aqua entered the house, she was smiling.

“It’s finally over,” she said by way of greeting. When none of them relaxed, she explained, “You’re uncle has agreed to a deal.”

Aqua sat down beside Riku on the couch. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously, but he didn’t move away. She waited while the other four settled themselves around her.

“Your lawyer and I were able to convince your uncle that taking this to court would be a bad idea. His distance actually worked in our favor. He doesn’t know you nearly as well as he’d like us to think he does. We were able to convince him you would testify for a jury, no matter what he did. Breaking points are a powerful thing...”

Riku’s gaze was hard. “I won’t.”

“I know,” Aqua told him quietly. “But Xehanort didn’t. He may have suspected we were bluffing, but he couldn’t take that chance. We played to his pride. Even if he wasn’t convicted on anything, he couldn’t risk having his name dragged through the mud in a public trial. So he settled for a lesser slight.”

“Meaning?” Riku had unconsciously leaned forward, his fists clenched tightly.

At last, Aqua’s triumph turned a little grim. “You will be placed into foster care. There will be no official record for _why_ they’re giving up custody—meaning he’s free to spin any tale he’d like for his business associates, should they ask—but I trust his lawyer to keep his word. It should be as clean a break from Xehanort as we could have hoped for.”

Sora grinned widely at his friend, but Riku still did not seem completely convinced. “What about my dad?”

Aqua nodded perfunctorily. “We’re still working that part out. We can work out a visitation schedule once you’re placed with another family, and the agency will be in touch with his doctors. We do try to reunite our charges with their parents whenever possible. But until we can guarantee that he won’t relapse again…”

It was probably the least reassuring thing she’d said thus far, but Riku finally started to relax. He had expected as much. They could see the relief settling over him in stages. When the silence had gone on long enough for her words to really sink in, Aqua fixed him with a gentle smile and leaned forward to envelop him in a hug.

“It’s over,” she whispered. Riku tensed reflexively, but she held on long enough for him to relax and hug her back.

It was only then that the four Strifes all sat back. There were smiles to be shared. Aqua accepted an invitation to stay for dinner. Of course, this was not truly the end. In a sense, this was only the beginning of Riku’s story. But they were so in need of something to celebrate. No one was going to stress over the details tonight.

Dinner was pleasant. But there was an air of expectancy once all the plates had been set aside.

Riku cleared his throat. “So… When do I leave?”

Cloud and Leon shared a glance. “Well, normally, the custody hand-over would be effective immediately… But we were able to pull a few strings. Enough for an extra week,” Leon said slowly.

Cloud smiled at their confused expressions. “We’ve decided you guys could use a vacation. You can go ahead and call Axel. Let him know he’s got three more for his trip.”


	24. The Lakehouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another mostly lighthearted chapter. There is a very brief discussion of Self-Harm-- in the very middle, almost, on their second night there, the first time one of their campfires is described.

The Strife family lived in a nice neighborhood, but Axel’s limousine still drew the attention of everyone passing by. It was currently parked in Cloud and Leon’s driveway, patiently waiting for its last three passengers.

Sora was the first one out the door, of course. He bounded down the steps, an overnight bag in one hand, a backpack slung over his shoulders. The last row of seats was already crowded with his friends’ baggage. Sora stuffed his in, careful not to obscure the rear window, before getting in himself and promptly sticking his head out the window.

“Are you guys coming or what?”

His call was a little premature. Roxas was right behind him. And then only Riku remained. But the older boy showed no signs of hurrying his departure on Sora’s behalf.

Riku took his time. And once he’d stowed away his belongings, he turned and slowly made his way back to the bottom of the steps where Cloud and Leon stood. They watched his approach carefully, Cloud leaning into his husband with a subtle smile on his face.

At last, Riku stopped, ducking his head, trying to work up the courage to get the words out. “I didn’t, um…” He stopped to clear his throat before trying again. “I never thanked you guys for everything you’ve done for me. So, um, thanks.”

To anyone else, the way his voice petered out at the end might have made his show of gratitude seem a bit lame, but both men were smiling. To Riku’s surprise, it was Leon who broke the silence and pulled him in for a hug.

“You don’t have to thank us for anything. Good luck out there, kid.”

They broke apart somewhat awkwardly and when Riku finally took his seat in the limo, the mood had sobered a bit.

“You’re leaving as soon as we get back, right?” Fuu all but whispered into the sudden silence. Riku nodded curtly. In fact, Aqua had called earlier that morning with the news that she already had a family who wanted to take him in. He hadn’t so much as seen their picture, and they lived quite a distance away, but Aqua had assured them all that they were good people. She had faith that this would be a good fit for Riku, and she hadn’t been wrong yet. He supposed all he could do now was trust in Aqua.

“Well,” said Axel from the front, breaking into his musings with a grin, “I guess we’d better make this a trip to remember, then.”

In the past, Riku and Axel had often been at odds, but now the surly, silver-haired boy met his friend’s words with a grin of his own, and the tension in the car instantly evaporated.

“Woo!” Kairi shrieked gleefully from the back, making a few of her friends jump and laugh. “Let’s go have some adventures!”

**…………**

Immediately after the car left them on the outskirts of the town, Axel began snickering.

“Oh man,” he said, looking more alive than ever. “If that driver didn’t hate me before…”

He trailed off, but the implications had already led to chuckles all around. In hindsight, from a driving standpoint, their road trip _had_ been pretty abysmal. Riku and Fuu had kept up a heated music debate throughout the entirety of the four-hour drive. It was the most outspoken anyone had ever seen the girl. Roxas had lost track of how many times _someone_ had made the man stop the car so one of them could go pee. Undoubtedly, the most common phrase of the journey had been, “Well, I didn’t have to go before!” Which was just as well. Naminé had neglected to mention how prone to carsickness she was, and so the frequent breaks were welcome.

“Well, he’s got a week to get over it,” Riku said with a smirk.

“You better hope he comes back to get us!” Sora joked, giving the other boy a friendly shove.

“Or hope not!” Kairi crowed, running a few steps ahead, her bag thumping back awkwardly against her shoulder.

They were all starting to get into the mood, even though the lakehouse wasn’t even in sight yet. Axel’s driver had left them at the end of a twisting, heavily wooded, badly paved road that the limo could never have hoped to make it through. But Axel didn’t seem to mind. The group made its way down the road, and when they finally caught sight of their destination, no one was disappointed.

It wasn’t fancy, by any means. Small compared to the Strife home, tiny compared to Axel’s and Naminé’s mansions. It was more of a cabin, really, plopped down in the middle of a crudely cleared away space beside a reasonably-sized pond. An old tire swing hung from a tree just beside the water. A porch nearly half the size of the house itself looked out over the water also. It was there that the group would be having their meals. Demyx’s aunt had done her best to air the place out in preparation for their arrival, but it would still be cramped. They’d all brought sleeping bags to camp out each night. Their home for the week was small, but it was wonderful.

“This is great, Axel.” Fuu was the first to speak once they’d stepped inside, setting down her bags with a wide smile.

“Liberating,” Naminé sighed. “An entire week to make all my own decisions… I can’t wait to go away to college.”

Axel didn’t answer. At first, Roxas worried she’d offended him—what a way to start the week—but he only seemed to be taking stock of things. They wouldn’t actually meet Demyx’s aunt until the next day, but she’d kept the cabin well-stocked. They wouldn’t have to worry about food during their stay.

“So, I say you guys just drop your shit anywhere and we do dinner first.”

“Sure took us long enough to get here,” Kairi commented, stretching as she obligingly let her bags fall to the floor with a crash.

“Well, we were supposed to be on our way by noon,” Naminé pointed out.

“Yeah, if only _someone_ had gotten up on time,” Roxas said with a smirk.

“Noon is so _early_ ,” Sora groaned, flopping back on the lower bunk bed. The bunk beds were built into the wall directly across from the one lined with kitchen appliances. There was also a tiny square table surrounded on three sides by the sort of cushioned benches found in restaurants. There were really only three rooms in the whole cabin. A tiny bathroom off to the side of the kitchen. And one more room with a large double bed and a tiny television set. The inside of the cabin was set up a little like a camper—designed to save space. There were technically enough surfaces for them all to sleep on, but they would only resort to such if it rained.

Axel was piling microwavable soups and things onto the table. “Take your pick. There should be bowls and everything in the cabinets. Aunt Myda will be here to make sure we got all settled in tomorrow morning. We can talk about other supplies then.”

Sora joined him at the closet, peering in. “Looks like she already thought of everything. Popcorn, marshmallows… This is gonna be great!”

It was so clearly a meal put together by teenagers. The combined a few soups into the biggest bowl they could find, their side dishes plates of crackers and cookies. But there were no complaints as they all crowded around the picnic table out on the lawn.

It was a nice night, exactly what the group had needed. They all knew this vacation wouldn’t last forever, but a week out in the woods where they could at least take a break from their problems pressing in on them? Beautiful.

They were all laying in their sleeping bags out under the stars when Axel’s watch started beeping. They all looked up when Axel started slipping out of his sleeping bag.

“What’s going on?” Sora asked.

The moon was just bright enough for them to see Axel’s grin in the darkness. “Just fulfilling a tradition.”

And without another word, he took off towards the lake, throwing aside his shirt and smoothly slipping out of his pajama pants before plunging in. Sora laughed, jumping up and following his lead without a second thought.

“Are we really doing this?!” Kairi laughed giddily before jumping up herself.

The other four followed with varying degrees of hesitation. Naminé was the first to strip down to her undergarments, head held high as she waded over to a waving Kairi. No surprise there. The girl was proud, and she viewed everything as a challenge. Riku and Roxas turned to each other with a sigh and a small smile. They both knew Sora would drag them into the water eventually, regardless of whether they were fully clothed or not. So they too dressed down and willingly entered the water.

Soon only Fuu was left standing at the lake’s edge. No one was pressuring her to follow them, but they could all see the debate she was having with herself. _Was it even worth feeling uncomfortable?_ she couldn't help wondering. She was amongst friends—a group that had already trusted her with _their_ worst memories and insecurities. Fuu took one last look up at the stars, steeling herself for courage, before finally letting the jacket she always wore slide to the ground. No one acted as if anything strange or special had just happened. They went on with their revelries, and she gratefully kept her arms under the dark water as she joined in.

It was a perfect end to a wonderful day. No one commented when Axel drifted off by himself. He floated on his back, alone, for a long time, staring up at the night sky. No one bothered him. Without having to ask, they all knew he was thinking about Demyx. It was a somber sight, but when Axel rejoined them, he was at peace.

**…………**

If Demyx’s aunt Myda found anything strange about all the undergarments drying on the porch railing the next morning, she didn’t mention it. She was a pleasant woman. Small, but with a certain strength about her. Axel hadn’t told them much about her. Really just that she’d been widowed shortly after marrying and had been alone ever since. But she didn’t come across as bitter. And there wasn’t any judgment in her eyes as she was introduced to each of them. Clearly, this was a woman who understood pain.

She really did stay just long enough to meet them all and make sure there wasn’t anything else they needed. Axel walked her out, and when he returned, he looked as if she'd given him something serious to ponder… but his friends left him with his thoughts.

The day passed quickly. They spent their time exploring the woods or swimming in the lake. The tree made an eerie creaking sound when they swung on the tire, but it had yet to snap on them. All their days were pleasant and worry-free, but in truth, their week at the cabin was soon defined by the campfires they had each night.

Axel seemed to take a special kind of joy in starting the blaze and then watching the fire grow. The first night they all gathered around, Fuu approached just as hesitantly as she’d approached the water the night before. Once she was close enough to feel the fire’s warmth, she slowly slipped off her jacket and sat down between Naminé and Axel, her arms on full display. In the silence that followed, Axel held up his arm beside hers, as if comparing their scars.

Fuu didn’t shy away from him, instead gracing them with a small, melancholy smile. “I was smart at first…” she said at last. “I only cut my thighs, where I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing them. One day I cut too deeply on accident… I thought I was going to pass out.” Her expression turned grim. “The real problem came when I ran out of space, though. I don’t know why it was so much harder for me to reopen the old wounds than it was to make new ones…”

She trailed off, but Axel picked up where Fuu left off, sympathizing. “It’s more of an addiction than people realize. Once you’ve used self-harm to cope once… Sometimes I worry that I’m going to spend the rest of my life fighting the urge every time I get anxious about something.”

“Exactly.” It put a bit of a damper on their day, but it was worth it. For the rest of their stay, Fuu didn’t cover up her arms again once.

**…………**

The third night, Riku broke the silence first, turning to Naminé. “So, are you going to be a model, like your mother?”

She smiled. “No. I mean maybe during my breaks from school. I’ll see how this first job goes. But no. I want to go into social work. I want to help people, like Aerith.”

Kairi giggled. “Fitting.”

“Yeah,” said Roxas. “You’re already on your way.”

“A supervisor wouldn’t hurt, though,” Axel mused. “You could use someone to keep you in line.”

Naminé gave an exaggerated, haughty sniff, turning away from him dramatically, and they all laughed.

**…………**

The fourth night belonged to Kairi. It was another somber night. Not that this was necessarily a bad thing. They were all in a reflective mood. Even the ones the group relied on to keep things upbeat were quietly contemplative.

At last, Kairi said softly, “You know, I’ve started remembering things.”

Everyone perked up a little at this news. Naminé said, “That’s great, Kairi!”

They all expected her to go back to her usual bubbly self, but Kairi just shrugged. “The doctor said it might start coming back to me. It’s just little stuff so far. An image of my mom standing on the front steps… The sound of my dad’s laugh.”

“Do you not _want_ to remember?” Sora asked when she trailed off, continuing to look unusually downcast.

“I don’t know… My grandmother wants me to remember. She thinks getting my memories back will turn me back into the person I was before… Whoever she was.”

“I don’t know much about amnesia, but I don’t think it works like that,” said Roxas. He was used to the girl being perpetually cheerful. Her continued glumness was starting to make him uncomfortable.

“There are a few things I’d like to say to your grandmother,” Naminé grumbled.

“It’s okay. Thank you, though.” Kairi’s smile was sad, yet a little flattered.

But Naminé was suddenly seething. “No! It’s not okay, the way she’s been treating you! Like, could she make it any more obvious that everything she has to do for you is such a hassle? It’s not your fault if they were too proud to admit they weren’t up for raising a teenager.” She cut herself off suddenly, bringing a hand up to her mouth when the other girl’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh, god, I’m sorry, Kairi. I know it’s none of my business. There I go again, right?”

But Kairi was laughing. “No, it’s great. That’s got to be the most honest thing anyone’s ever said to me. That I can remember, I mean.”

Things lightened up after that, but Roxas couldn’t help feeling a little bad. Sure, his impression of Kairi’s grandmother wasn’t overly warm, but he saw so much of Kairi, he felt a bit guilty for not having noticed that she may have been unhappy at home. He took her positivity for granted. But even Kairi had her bad days, and he would strive to remember that going forward.

**…………**

The fifth night was… a surprise. To everyone, but to Roxas in particular. Sora was already looking a little jumpy as Axel got the fire going, but no one knew what exactly he was anticipating. But they didn’t have long to wait.

As soon as they were all seated, the flames casting their faces in an eerie light, Sora took a deep breath. “So… I have an announcement to make.”

He got a few raised eyebrows, some curious looks. Roxas was watching his brother very intently.

“You all know by now that our mother has tried to contact us again… And I've decided I’m going to meet with her.” He looked right at Roxas as he said it, awaiting some sort of response, but the blond twin’s thoughts had become a soundtrack of inane static. Sora only turned away after a solid minute of nothing. There was a resignation on the boy’s face that told Roxas his opinion would not be changed by anything any of them had to say. Not that Roxas knew what to say to start with.

The rest of the group didn’t seem to have this problem. Riku had a sour look on his face that made Roxas wonder… Had he known what was coming? He tried not to linger on this possibility—that Sora might have discussed this with Riku when this was _his_ first time hearing of it. 

 _But he_ wanted _to talk about it,_ Roxas reminded himself with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. _And you wouldn’t let him._

The other reactions were varied. Kairi and Fuu, at least, both looked happy for him. Naminé praised his strength but didn’t look approving or disapproving of the decision itself, just thoughtful. Only Axel seemed totally uninterested in Sora. He kept his eyes fixed intently on Roxas. But Roxas refused to look back.

**…………**

Needless to say, things had changed drastically for Roxas by the sixth day. He got more than a few worried glances thrown his way, but he wasn’t angry about it. Really. Well. Okay, so he still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Sora’s little show the night before. He didn’t _want_ to be angry about it, but he couldn’t deny he wished Sora had chosen some other way to break this news to him.

Had his twin really been that worried about his reaction? For he now found it impossible to see the group as anything other than a shield between them. Surely their friends wouldn’t have let him chew Sora out too harshly.

But Roxas wasn’t sure he _could_ be angry at Sora. If his brother was ready to face Larxene again, clearly he was making progress. Roxas wasn’t quite so sure he could say the same for himself. But on the other hand, he didn’t see how he could let Sora go alone, even if he wasn’t ready. No. Something would have to be done.

So on the sixth day, he managed to corner Axel alone after lunch. “Hey. I need a favor.”


	25. The Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There shouldn't be any real triggers in this one. Just a little bit of confronting the past and looking towards the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a big fancy 'The End' at the bottom of this one. The chapter count is not wrong. You can expect an epilogue (and obnoxiously long author's note) for chapter 26. But this chapter is meant to wrap up the story proper, and I hope you've all enjoyed the ride.

The morning of their last day at the lakehouse dawned abnormally early. Roxas awoke to find the stars had not yet faded from the lightening sky. But when he rolled over to look at his friends, he saw that he was not even the first one awake. Sora, of course, was still snoring away, but Riku was already dressed, stoking the still-glowing embers of last night’s campfire. And he heard the door to the cabin swing shut as he sat up.

Roxas got to his feet, immediately moving to help Axel carry over the pots, pans, and raised grate from the house. They were going to attempt cooking breakfast over the fire. But Axel shot him a sidelong glance as they walked over.

Very softly, he murmured, “You know, it’s not too late to back out.”

Roxas tried to be subtle as he shook his head. “No. I have to do this.”

Axel nodded back. But they were _too_ inconspicuous. Riku was watching them closely, clearly aware that they were up to something. But he didn’t ask them anything outright as the three boys set about making breakfast. Slowly, their friends came back to life around them, roused by the smell, the sound, or the movement. Soon they were all seated around the fire once more, kicking off their last day together.

It did not go over Roxas’s head that Sora was still skirting nervously around him, but he didn’t draw attention to it. After all, he had a secret of his own now.

A secret that was not brought to light until breakfast was nearly over. As they all started settling back, Naminé set down her plate with something akin to a sigh. “Last day…”

They were all more than a little melancholy. This had been a wonderful vacation, but they’d all learned that they couldn’t run away from their problems forever.

“It was nice while it lasted,” said Fuu, and her voice had a serene edge to it none of them had ever heard from her before. “I’m never going to forget this week.”

“It’s not over yet,” Axel said, smirking at them all. “Roxas and I have got a little adventure planned for today.”

Kairi clapped her hands together gleefully. “Oh, good! I was starting to worry today would just be another day, slipping by while we all waited for it to end…”

“Deep,” Sora praised teasingly, but there remained a note of something else in his voice. Roxas carefully avoided his twin’s eyes.

In fact, Roxas could feel more than one pair of eyes on him. He kept his gaze fixed on the task in front of him as they all set about cleaning up the campsite, making the cabin look as tidy as possible and packing up their own belongings. Whatever Axel and Roxas were plotting, they all got the feeling it would take up most of their last day.

When at last everything appeared to be in order, they piled their bags by the front door, and Axel led them out to the forest surrounding the cabin. They’d explored a bit of it throughout the week, but this time Axel directed them toward a well-worn dirt path, which they followed until the lake was well out of sight.

Kairi whistled appreciatively, trying to take it all in. “Wow. We never went this far… Where does it come out?”

“The nearest city,” Axel answered vaguely.

Naminé was starting to eye them both suspiciously. And Sora and Riku had drifted to the back of the group. Even Roxas was starting to get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He waged a mental battle, doing his best to convince himself that this trip wasn’t some passive aggressive way to get back at his brother.

 _No,_ he thought firmly. _I’m doing this for_ me. _If I’m ever going to move on with my life, I have to confront this._

The forest started to thin a little at a time. Slowly, they began to spot odd items left out here from people on this side of things. Old brick formations, molding t-shirts, and a broken-down car that had been sitting outside so long it looked rusted inside and out. And then the forest ended very abruptly, and they were standing on pavement.

They seemed to have come out on the backside of a city. Tall, albeit run-down, buildings rose up around them, shrouding the way forward in shadow. The teens who lived in the midst of Twilight Town liked to think they were tough city kids, but Roxas figured this place would make even Hayner uneasy.

“Where are we?” Fuu had put her jacket back on just for this outing. Now she wrapped her sleeves around herself, a familiar protective gesture.

Sora’s face had paled, but his jaw was firmly set. Just another reminder that his brother was tougher than he'd thought. And his voice was sharp when he answered. “Hollow Bastion. Roxas, what are we doing?”

All of their friends, excluding Axel, stiffened at this revelation. Naminé was watching him carefully, but there was nothing judgmental or disapproving in her stare. She simply looked thoughtful. Perhaps she’d make a better therapist than he’d thought. But he tried not to linger on her. Roxas turned to his brother.

“We’re going back, Sora. You don’t have to come, but this is something I have to do.”

Sora scoffed, exasperated. “Like I could make you do this alone.”

“He won’t be alone.” Kairi had recovered from her shock. “We’ll all be with you.”

“Lead the way,” said Riku.

The group walked deeper into the city, a steeliness about them now. Luckily for him, Axel and Demyx had made quite a few trips into the city during their stays at the cabin over the years. Roxas had described what he remembered, and Axel had taken in all the little details. A part of him was still skeptical that they would ever find the place. But before he knew it, they had stopped before an eerily familiar hotel. Axel raised an eyebrow at him for confirmation and he nodded, his throat dry.

“What are the chances?” the redhead murmured to himself. “Do you have any idea how many times Dem and I walked past this place?”

But no one answered him. If possible, the place was even more run-down than he remembered. He’d been young at the time, but the memories he did have were vivid. The hotel was crouched between two other, equally depressing buildings. The old stone façade was dirty, only marked as a hotel by the flickering ‘Vacancy’ sign above the dark front window. Without it, the place could have easily been just another tawdry bar or hostel in the midst of Hollow Bastion. Definitely not a place for children.

The seven of them glanced around at each other before moving forward as a group. The older man sitting behind the desk looked a little blind sighted by the sight of so many teenagers in his lobby. His pale eyes lingered especially on Naminé. Even dressed down as she was for this walk, there was something about the way she carried herself that made her look a little too upper-class for this place. The concierge hadn’t aged well in the decade that had passed—his bones seemed to nearly poke out from under the sickly pallor of his skin, and there were dark circles under his eyes—but Roxas was surprised to note that he did remember the man. And he wasn’t nearly as intimidating now that they were about the same height.

They’d been suspended in silence for more than a minute. Finally, the man cleared his throat, likely to kick them out. But before the words could make it out of his mouth, Naminé strode forward with a flip of her hair that left him speechless once more. Her smile was nearly blinding in the dim lighting of the hotel.

He shook her outstretched hand in a bit of a daze. (Vaguely, Roxas wondered how long it had been since the concierge had last slept.) “Hello. I’m Naminé Grace. This is my friend Roxas.” She used her other hand to grab his arm and drag him to the front of the group, without so much as a glance back. “You might remember him and his brother Sora? About ten years ago, they watched while their mother murdered their father in one of your hotel rooms?”

Naminé’s tone was nothing but pleasant, but the man’s face had paled even further. In the back of the group, Riku had ducked his head to hide his smirk. “Whoa, look, miss, I already settled that mess. I’m not legally responsible for any of that.”

“Oh, we know. But I’m sure you feel bad, all the same.” Her overly-pleasant tone left no room for debate. “We’d like to see the room, please.”

His mouth hung open for a moment, flustered. “Uh… I mean, I can’t just…”

“Is anyone staying in it?” Naminé took an innocent look around, as if she wasn’t aware that this place was hurting for business.

“Well, no…”

“There’s no problem, then.” She smiled at Roxas.

“First floor, second room down from the ice machine,” he supplied. Naminé didn’t meet his eyes again, but he wondered when exactly she’d guessed the purpose of this outing. He supposed confronting your past demons like this was right up her alley.

The concierge seemed to be out of arguments. He fumbled for the right set of keys in his drawer and then rose from his seat in a lurching movement. The seven teenagers followed him down the hallway, where the lighting was only slightly better. Sora’s eyes swept from side to side, taking everything in. Roxas wondered if he also remembered the peeling wallpaper and musty carpeting.

The butterflies in his stomach had increased their activity. His heart was beating harder than ever. The sound of the key clicking into the lock was abnormally loud in his ears. The man let the door to the hotel room swing inward but remained in the hallway himself.

“Just don’t mess anything up,” he said gruffly before trudging back to the front desk.

Naminé had been in the lead up to this point, but she made no move to be the first inside. She took a step back and nodded to Roxas. This was his personal growth quest, after all. So, with a deep breath, he stepped forward.

It was… a hotel room. An old room in a dump of a hotel, but a generic hotel room all the same. Two beds, separated by a tiny table. The same carpeting and tacky wallpaper from the hallway. If he looked, really looked, he still had vivid memories of cowering behind the far bed by the window. His friends were standing in the very doorway his father had come charging through all those years ago. He could practically see Sora and himself lounging on the beds, as they’d whiled away so many hours those three weeks.

But at the same time… he felt distinctly empty. Even the butterflies in his stomach had settled down. He didn’t have to put any extra effort into slowing his heartbeat or calming his breathing. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. His mother wasn’t going to be waiting for him in here. Obviously, the blood had been cleaned from the walls. Countless other customers had stayed in this room since that day, likely unaware of the tragedy that had occurred here.

“Roxas?” Kairi asked when the silence had stretched on “Are you okay?”

He turned back to look at his friends. And he could see his own numbness reflected back to him in Sora’s eyes. For a moment, he didn’t answer.

“What is it?” Axel prompted. He looked a little nervous, as if he was having second thoughts about encouraging this trip.

But Roxas shook his head. “It’s just a room…”

He wondered if that sounded crazy, but none of his friends looked even a little confused. If anything, a look of understanding had settled over all of them. He wondered if this lesson had only been a mystery to him. It seemed so simple now.

Life went on. And if you chose to linger on the dark points, it went on without you.

**…………**

They were all quiet as they left the hotel. Naminé smiled sweetly at the concierge as they handed back his key, and he didn’t ask any more questions. They only stopped once they were back out on the main street.

“Not much of an adventure,” Kairi commented at last, if only to break the silence.

Sora nudged her with a smile. “Hey, we were having a deep moment, there.”

“Eh, it wasn’t that deep,” Roxas contradicted with a smile of his own. He did feel like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, though.

“The car is coming back for us around dinnertime. It’ll take us a while to get back through the woods… We should probably get going so we can eat early,” Axel said.

It was only during their walk back through the city that Roxas truly took note of how run-down Hollow Bastion was. It might have made him nervous if he hadn’t been traveling in such a large group. The only other teenagers they saw moved in groups of two or three at the most. They all gave Roxas and his friends appraising looks before clearly deciding against approaching them. They’d made it back to the trail in what felt like half the time.

It was only once they were picking their way back through the forest that Naminé said quietly, “Guys… This is it, isn’t it?”

They all slowed their steps a bit. Kairi looked at her imploringly. “You’ll keep in touch, won’t you? No matter where your modeling adventures take you?”

“Of course!” Naminé smiled at her. “You all have my number.”

“Still,” said Fuu. “It’ll be weird not seeing you guys all the time.”

“But you’ll see the three of us every day at school,” Sora reminded her. “…Right?” he added when Fuu remained silent.

“Actually, um…” The group came to a full stop. “I meant to say something sooner, but… I’ve decided I’m going to spend my senior year living with my dad. He lives in another school district, so…”

“Wow, Fuu,” said Roxas, surprised. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’ve given it a lot of thought. I could use some time away from Seifer and our moms. I think I need to focus on me for a bit.”

Naminé smiled at her encouragingly. She went so far as to step forward and take the other girl’s hand. “I think that sounds great, Fuu.”

They started back on their way. There was something about knowing this would be their last trip together… They were all walking a little more closely together as the forest began to thin again.

It was all well and good that they agreed to stay in touch _now_. But Roxas had to wonder how long that would last, without any actual contact. Riku wasn’t exactly the sentimental type. And he couldn’t see any childhood friendship standing up to Naminé’s ambition.

But he didn’t voice any of those concerns. Not today. Today he was going to spend time and laugh with his friends. And that was all.

**…………**

Their early dinner came and went much too quickly. At last the time had come for them all to lug their belongings back down the winding road so the limo could pick them up. But Axel stopped to take one last look back at the cabin. Everyone else stopped to stare with him. Roxas got the feeling the oldest member of their group was letting go of more than one thing with the end of this trip.

“It’s not really goodbye for you,” Kairi said with a little laugh. “Aunt Myda would probably let you come back and visit whenever.”

Somewhere along the way this week, they’d all taken to calling her ‘Aunt’ Myda. Axel smiled back at them all, a little melancholy, a little sheepish. Something about his eyes made them all instantly aware that Fuu hadn’t been the only one holding onto a secret.

“Already planned,” he confirmed. “I’ve decided to take the next year off. Myda’s agreed to let me stay with her, whether my parents like it or not, while I sort through some things.”

“So you’ll be far away too,” Sora said with dismay.

“Just a phone call away,” Riku reminded him with a little smile. And then he turned to Axel. “Good luck, man.”

Axel sent him a familiar cheeky smile back. “You too.”

“Well, let’s get this show on the road then!” Kairi cheered, determined to end this trip with as much enthusiasm as she’d started it.

“This show has been on the road for a week,” Sora laughed.

“So let’s take it home,” she shot back gaily.

They were in surprisingly high spirits as they walked back. In less than a week, Sora, Kairi, and Roxas would be headed back to Twilight Academy. Phones or no phones, it felt like the other four would be flung to the far corners of the galaxy. But that could be dealt with when it came. For now, Roxas was planning to enjoy their company, engage in their laughter, and revel in all the lessons they had learned from each other. In the morning, they would face whatever the future might bring.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on the note of this being the end (for the most part) I just want to say that it was quite a ride for me as well. Not just in tackling a ton of difficult subject matter and exploring my own past in a fictional setting, but just as a story in general. (There will be more on that first part after the epilogue.) This is the longest story I've ever completed, and I feel like the characters kind of became their own people over the course of it. In a way, I was getting to know them as I was writing them, in the same way that you would have gotten to know these iterations of them as I introduced them. Axel was fun from start to finish, as I'd mostly expected him to be. Namine was actually one of my least favorite to write, but I think her character was also... rewarding, in a way. I appreciated the challenge. (And she was actually really fun to write in this chapter.) And then there was Fuu… When I was still setting up the bare bones of Recovery, I added her solely because I wanted to round out their group, but she ended up becoming one of my favorite characters to write. (I think I can relate more to Fuu, whereas Namine is more like the type of person I sometimes wish I was.) Long story short, writing these characters was a journey for me, and I hope you got something out of the experience as well. See you in the epilogue!


	26. Epilogue: The End... And the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's your epilogue. As Sora brought up himself two chapters earlier, about halfway through this story I considered writing a chapter where the twins reunite with their mother. This is... sort of that chapter. You'll see. I have not gotten back in touch with my own mother, so this is almost purely fiction. Honestly, the only reason this epilogue came about at all is because I felt like I had another lesson to share-- the journey is never really over, after all. But there will be more on that in the huge, final author's note at the end.

As the snow fell softly past their windows, Roxas had to wonder if his brother was having any second thoughts. They’d been equally quiet for the majority of the car ride, but their destination was rapidly creeping up on them. In just another few minutes, the twins would see their mother again for the first time in eleven years.

It had taken almost six months to set up the meeting. Life had gotten in the way, on both sides. But Larxene had remained at the treatment center—which specialized in rehabilitation and life skills—and Sora’s decision to reconnect had never wavered. So here they were.

They turned the final corner and the building came into sight. It looked… peaceful. Particularly covered in a layer of snow. Perhaps there would have been people strolling through the grounds in the spring or summer, but today, all was quiet. Roxas’s limbs started to tingle unpleasantly as Cloud pulled into a parking space and cut the engine.

There was an extended pause before they finally moved as a single unit, getting out and slamming doors. The boys let Cloud and Leon take the lead and, sidling up to his brother, Sora murmured, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

Roxas didn’t answer. It was not the first time he’d been offered this reassurance, but he couldn’t help feeling it was not entirely true. He’d grown a lot throughout the past year, but sometimes he still had trouble separating their experiences. Sora was on his own journey. They would not process and move past everything at the same time. Roxas knew this. But there was still a part of him that felt like it would be a betrayal on his part to let Sora go into this alone.

The inside of the center was equally welcoming. Not overly sterile or institutional. There were a few nurses chatting at the front desk. They looked up when the Strife family walked in.

Roxas felt Sora’s eyes leave him as Leon shook hands with the one behind the counter. “Mr. Strife? It’s nice to meet you in person. And this must be Roxas and Sora?”

She didn’t seem to mind when their greetings were distracted mumbles at best. “I’ve heard so much about you both. Larxene is having a good day. She’s been looking forward to this visit.”

Roxas wondered if the sound of her name sent chills down Sora’s spine as well. His brother wore a determined expression Roxas had only seen on him a few times. Cloud and Leon had already decided they would be staying out in the lobby for the duration of their visit. Nothing to make a reunion awkward like the looming presence of the adoptive parents.

The chill did not go away as the twins were lead down a long hallway. And, as the nurse stopped before a door near the end, he was struck by another revelation. Something that should have felt obvious from the beginning. He wasn’t ready for this. There were too many feelings within him left unresolved. But he had reached a point where he had to branch off from Sora. Perhaps he _should_ remain at his twin’s side… But the sudden fear was overwhelming. He had to get out of there before Larxene came into view.

Neither Sora nor the nurse called after him as he veered away and all but sprinted down an adjoining corridor. Perhaps Sora had known he would bail out from the beginning. Maybe the nurse had presided over meetings like this one before.

He stopped at the end of another hallway. This one had a pair of chairs and a coffee table, and the majority of the last wall was a long window. It looked like the perfect spot to gather his thoughts. Roxas claimed one of the chairs and stared out at the snowy landscape. He wondered if this little alcove would feel restrictive on a nicer day.

It was a few minutes before someone joined him in the opposite chair. He looked up to see another nurse—an older, more weathered-looking woman. She let him be for a moment, but he could tell she was the type to speak her mind.

“You must be Roxas.” It didn’t sound like a question. “I’m Nira. I’ve worked with Larxene a lot these past few months.”

Roxas sighed. He felt drained. Like he didn’t have the energy to be annoyed by her interference. It had been a long time since he’d had one of his ‘episodes’ where he shut down completely. But he remembered all the precursors. He was keenly aware of the need to remain alert… _present_ now. “Are you here to convince me to go see her?”

“No,” she said simply. “In fact, I’ve been warning _her_ not to get her hopes up. Larxene has come a long way, but I know that doesn’t erase the past. You boys had every right to stay away, if you so pleased.”

He looked her head on for the first time. She’d caught him off-guard. “Oh…”

Nira’s lips quirked into a smile. “It took a lot to get you here today. But you don’t have to be ready yet.”

“It’s… complicated,” he said, though the explanation was probably unnecessary. “My mother… hasn’t been a part of my life for… well, for _most_ of my life. I guess… I’m not sure how I feel about her anymore.”

“She’s not your mother.” And then, in response to his blank stare, “Maybe you can’t change genetics, but the role of a parent requires a bond that’s not necessarily determined by blood. Larxene sacrificed that connection the moment she fired that gun. She hasn’t been your mother for a long time. You are not obliged to love her.”

Nira waited patiently for her words to sink in. And Roxas was astonished to feel a warmth build up in his eyes. He barely knew this woman. It didn’t seem right that she should know exactly what he needed to hear… when he had not known himself.

But there had been a part of him bound by her title. The knowledge that Larxene was his mother had been something he’d never quite been able to shake. Despite her actions. Despite the amount of time they’d spent apart. And now… Nira’s declaration was almost too good to be true.

The old woman pushed herself to her feet. “For your sake, I hope you can come to peace with Larxene. But if you can’t forgive her, if you never reconnect… You’re _allowed_.”

She left Roxas then to stew over her words and wait out his brother’s visit.

**…………**

When the boys returned to the lobby, their faces were both thoughtfully blank. Their fathers refrained from questioning them during the drive home. In fact, no one brought it up until after dinner. Sora let himself into his brother’s room and closed the door. He sat down at the desk, facing Roxas before letting out a deep breath.

“How was it?” Roxas asked at last.

“Weird,” Sora decided. “It wasn’t as… big as I thought it would be. Like, it wasn’t some tearful reunion. We didn’t really have that much to talk about, actually. Does that sound crazy?”

“I don’t think so,” said Roxas. He’d been thinking a lot about what Nira had said about connections. He would try to explain it to Sora sometime, but tonight they needed time to sort out their own thoughts.

Once again, Roxas had been surprised by the insights of a near-stranger. He felt… lighter. Freed from a responsibility he hadn’t even realized he’d been carrying. Little by little, each realization healed him. The pain in his past was not insurmountable. Roxas was starting to feel that each new day brought him one step closer to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, here’s the super long final author’s note, as promised. So, some of you know that—while I always had the idea in my head about a possible reunion between the twins and their mother—I wasn’t always sure I was going to write this epilogue. I mentioned that their story was my story, only dramatized a bit for the sake of fiction. At the end of the divorce, my dad was given full custody, and he tried to make the supervised visits with my mother as easy as possible. She actually was hospitalized for a while, only to ultimately stop taking her medicine again shortly after getting out. The delusions and paranoia started up again, and one day she just didn’t show up for our visit, and we haven’t heard from her since.  
> It’s been almost ten years now, but early on, this abandonment took an even greater toll on me than the craziness of the divorce and custody battle, and it left me pretty messed up for a long time. It was about three years before I could even really talk about it. Since then, I have worked with three different therapists, who all helped to varying degrees… Some more than others.  
> Many of the other characters’ situations in this story are also based off of real events. I had an amazing group of friends in high school and—without being officially put into therapy together—somehow our incredibly, variably messed up group of then-teens kind of just… gravitated toward each other. That’s how I see it, anyway. We went through varying cycles of helping each other and sometimes feeding off of each other, but ultimately, I credit them with a lot of my own recovery, and I’m a better person for having gotten to know each and every one of them and their own personal journeys.  
> And I am still learning and growing from this experience. High school may have been the peak of my struggle with coming to terms with my situation with my mother, but like I said earlier, this epilogue never would have come into being if I didn’t have another lesson to share. I recently had to find a new primary doctor, and our first visit was spent getting to know each other as people—which was a great sign that I was in good hands. She’s both very easy to talk to and very blunt. In all these years of talking it over with my friends, various family members, and mental health professionals, it was my medical doctor who was the first person to tell me that it was okay if I didn’t love my mother.  
> Honestly, it wasn’t something I even knew I needed to hear until I heard it. Because while I’ve moved past my anger for my mother, I’ve realized… after some serious self-reflection… that I don’t love her. There’s still a part of me that thinks that sounds overly harsh and unforgiving, but the truth is, she hasn’t been my mother for a long time. There’s this expectation of an undying bond between mother and child that’s stronger than any other force in this world. And I know that in a lot of cases, that’s true. But it’s not a guarantee. Maybe it’s because the more common stereotype is that of the ‘dead-beat dad’, but it took me a long time to come to terms with how she could just walk out of my life the way she did, even if she had her own demons to struggle with.  
> If anything, Sora and Roxas’s story doesn’t do that part justice, because in my quest to dramatize it, Larxene’s absence in their life was not entirely a matter of choice. I suppose she can be blamed for taking so long to get back in touch with them, but it’s not quite the same as leaving of her own volition the first time around. I’m not sure how much of this ‘lesson’ really makes sense to you, readers, but it was the most important thing I’ve learned in a long time. It was the lesson that finally allowed me to stop blaming myself—because there was a dark part of my mind that still did—and truly move on with my life.  
> This story has meant more to me than I can properly put into words. I’ve now opened myself up to the internet in a way I’d never truly intended to, but the response I’ve gotten throughout the course of this story makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about. Some of you loved this for an already-standing love of Kingdom Hearts and just as a work of fiction. Some of you saw bits of your own life in these characters. I imagine for the latter group, this story held a little more significance. But I sincerely thank and appreciate all you who took the time to read and share your thoughts on this story, as well as anyone who will find this story in the future. It’s been an amazing journey for me, and I just want to say:  
> Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> No matter how many times I've written and edited this chapter, I just can't seem to make the bullying scenes/dialogue seem authentic. I suppose I could take that as a good sign... though the writer in me is still a little peeved.


End file.
